


Reminiscence

by FluoxetineHcl



Series: Lies and Memories [1]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fantasy, Mild Smut, POV First Person, Romance, Smut, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:35:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 65,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22235686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluoxetineHcl/pseuds/FluoxetineHcl
Summary: "What if I say that you could see the sun for once again?" Even if this feeling of mine will never reach him, even if I will never feel his embrace anymore. It's fine for me, as long as he never suffer.I will restore his sight.
Relationships: Ignis Scientia/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Lies and Memories [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1600639
Comments: 10
Kudos: 11





	1. First Meet and Cooking Book

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language. You may find some weird words or sentences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi~!  
> This is my first English fanfic I ever created~ Please forgive me for wrong grammar or wrong usage of vocabularies~!  
> I published this fanfic on AO3 in Jan 2020, but I actually wrote it in Jul 2019.  
> Hope you'll enjoy this~!

**CHAPTER 1**

* * *

It was such a blessing to be able to live, to experience the love, and to be loved. I fell in love with him without  even knowing why or when such feelings bloomed in me . He was the one who brought the smile in my life, who made me grateful to live, and then became the reason why I kept living, why I kept trying. 

**M.E. 740**

We have known each other since we were children. His stiff figure could be seen observing the adults in every royal event, learning all their manner, the way they talk, and the way they act. Just like this time, he stood still in the corner of the ballroom with a glass of juice in his hand, moving his emerald eyes to anyone and observing them quietly. 

"Hi little Ignis!" 

The one who held my hand was my dad, I followed him to approach a dirty blonde boy who then turned his head as we walked toward him. My dad was the member of the royal council, —House of Heallint—, and that was why I also could be here, in the party exclusive for the royal families and their associates. 

"Good evening, Mr. Heallint." Ignis bowed in his polite manner. But what I could catch was the stiffness from his tone and expression, "Such a pleasure to meet you tonight."

"Hei, no need to be so stiff," even my dad felt it and complained. He then pinched the six year old Ignis's cheek in a playful way, as if it was chewy rice cakes. It was his way to melt the atmosphere.

"Just because it's official that you'll be the next king advisor, you must not forget how to relax. Oh, and most importantly how to act like a child!" The raven-haired man—the same hair color as mine—laughed casually as he stroked Ignis's hair and made it a bit messy. I knew he deliberately did it.

I gazed at Ignis and observed his attire. His dirty blonde hair was combed at the right side of his head, and at that time, was a bit disorganized because of my dad. He wore a navy suit, a white shirt inside, and a tie with matching color as his suit. He fixed his black framed glasses with his right gloved hand, and beneath those glasses, his eyes were shimmering under the warm light of the ballroom lamp.

Before I knew, I was captivated in his green eyes. I stared at him for a moment until he caught my gaze and got stiff once more as our eyes met.

"Hi Heallint!" a cheerful voice was heard from another side of the hall, and the owner of the voice dashed toward us. The same dirty blonde hair, which I presumed as Ignis's dad.

"Scientia!" The both gentlemen patted each other's shoulder, threw their greeting, started to open the chatter, then forgot about Ignis and me who watched them in silence. And after chatting for a while, Ignis's dad finally noticed my presence who was standing quietly behind my dad's back.

"Is that Eira?! Finally you bring Eira?!" his green eyes were widened in enthusiastic light. It was the same color as his son, beautiful and charming.

"Good evening Mr. Scientia." I bowed, performing a curtsy. I clasped my hand in front of my dress afterwise, then smiled at him.

"Good evening Eira." He patted my head softly, without disorganizing my hairstyle. Really different if I may compare it with the way my dad treated Ignis’s hair.

"I'm Ignis's dad. See, that nerdy boy over there..."

Little Ignis glanced at us when his father pointed at him with his thumb. I blinked seeing how his messy hair was neatly combed again, just like before my dad brushed his hand to his hair. I just took my glance away from him for a moment, and he already fixed his hair. As expected from the chosen royal advisor. 

"You could call me Uncle Sci, or Uncle Tia or whatever you want, Dear…" His father then moved closer toward his son, then rested his hand on Ignis's shoulder and continued his words.

"Or maybe Father in Law, I supposed?" he giggled while looking at his son in a mischievous smile.

Of course, marriage engagement between noble families was not a rare occasion. I fully understood that my marriage will be arranged with my parent's fellow royal family. Five years old was not too young for such information, for twelfth was suffice to be engaged as fiance or fiancee.

I could see Ignis's eyes were widening, surprised by the news he had just heard. He couldn't keep his calm composure and his cheeks turned red. He couldn't seem to stop moving his hands, fidgeting, while he tried to avert his gaze from mine over and over again.

“Ignis, have you introduced yourself to Eira?” his father looked at his son then frowned when Ignis shook his head. “Come on! Introduce yourself!

I chuckled seeing the interaction between the father and the son. I walked forward to approach the young Scientia, smiled at him while stretching my right hand to the prince’s royal advisor.

“Hi, I’m Eira. Eira Heallint.”

That was the one event that I would never forget in my entire life.

“Ignis Scientia. Pleased to meet you.”

Y̨o̶u wi̢ll ͜no̴t̨ ̷re͘m̴e̡mb͏er it..͢.͜

Our first meet.

w̕i̷ll̴ ̀yóu?͠

* * *

**M.E. 744**

It was autumn that noon, when we met accidentally at a bookstore. He was standing  for  a long time in front of a certain section  in  the corner of the store, wearing a crimson muffler and a light brown coat, glued to the book he was holding. I looked up and 'cooking book' was written on the top of the cabinet.

That was the time I encouraged myself to ask him, to talk to him. I was feeling so blessed that I had a chance and reason to get closer to him.

"You want to learn about it? Cooking?" I stood beside him, trying to peek at the inside of the book he held.

The startled Ignis almost dropped the book and he glanced at me afterwise. In the next second he restored his calm complexion, and as a form of habit, fixed his black framed glasses and looked at me at last.

"Good afternoon Eira." He smiled and showed me the book in his hands. "Yes. Prince Noctis said that he just ate a delicious dessert from Tenebrae and demanded to eat it once more. However it's impossible to acquire it as Tenebrae is being controlled by Niflheim. Going in and out from the country is improbable."

I chuckled after hearing his reason, amazed by his determined attempt to please his highness. "Ignis really loves his brother after all."

"No, it's just a duty, my duty as Prince's caretaker. Well, trying a lot of new things is not bad though." he flipped through the next page of  _ Orix Culinary Basic _ , then put his thumb on his chin. He furrowed his eyebrows, maybe trying to absorb the content of the cooking manual.

"May I join?" I blurted out the question.

"Join what?" he tilted his head while looking at me in puzzlement.

"I don't know. Will you attend cooking class? Or maybe we could use the kitchen in the citadel? I'd like to learn cooking too." I took the same book as him and tried to quick skim it.  _ Oh the Astral, _ what did I just ask?  _ May I join? Join what?  _ I rarely talked to him, only a few times in any royal events, or a quick chatter in the library or citadel hallway. 

I pretended to read the book in my hands to hide my nervousness. But I should add more reasons so he wouldn't be suspicious of me. I didn't know where the courage came from. Why would I ask him to join him in learning how to cook? Yes, I wanted to get closer to him, but even I didn't expect my mouth would blurt out something like that.

"Well…A lady could augment her worth with cooking ability, right?" I added some random excuse to convince him. I wanted him to believe that I was interested in cooking, and not only in him. Even though, to be honest,  the whole question was because I wanted to know him more.

"Well, of course." He nodded in agreement. "As you said before, having a teacher is not a bad decision. Maybe we could try to find a cooking course in the town.  I'm not sure about borrowing the kitchen in the citadel. Obviously, I don't want to disturb the cooks in there. "

" And the only time when it's free is midnight." I added.

"Right."

"Have any  other  suggestions  then ?" I put the book away from my face and moved my eyes to him. The young Scientia tilted his head then shrugged after being quiet for a while.

An idea came to my mind, perhaps, by doing this, we could be closer,  as what I planned ...

"Speaking of which, my house is nearby…" I put the book I held back to the bookshelf.  My heart was beating in tumultuous thud as I spoke, and my fingers were slightly trembling since inviting my fiance to my house was something that I never did before.  "Lelia is the chef living in my townhouse. When we, my father included, tired with the quiet citadel, we often stayed in the townhouse. Lelia's food is never unappetizing. I'm certain that there's no food in this world she couldn't make."

B̶͜u̷t̵͢ I am͘ g̡l̛a̛d̨.͟.̛.

Most of the royal council house lived in the citadel at that time. Few prefer living in their townhouse, growing their children away from the citadel's environment. Few others live in citadel alone most of time, while their wife or husband and their children live in townhouses. 

The House of Heallint was in the first category, my dad often spent his time in the citadel, didn’t want to leave me alone in the town house, so he brought me to live there too. However as I grew up, he started to have the trust in me to choose whether I wanted to stay in the citadel or town house. And I often chose to stay in the citadel. It was the place where I got my education after all, and the library with an endless collection was my favorite place. Not every book in Insomnia was there in the library, though. That was why I went to the bookstore just like this time. Perhaps, it was also the same reason why the royal advisor went to find a cooking book here.

"I'm grateful for the invitation, but I'm afraid I'll cause you any burden," he said.

"N-no. Of course no. I mean…" digging my teeth to my lower lips while pausing my sentence, I averted my gaze from the man for a slight second while trying to find any suitable words to be said. "Dad would be happy to see you come and… learning cooking together is more fun than doing it alone, don't you think so?"

He didn’t immediately answer, and I would like to admit how awkward this situation was. It was too obvious. Surely my intention was written all over my face. My cheeks were burning in heat, it creeped to both of my ears. I wished that it was not painted in crimson hue, but probably it was impossible.

"Is it really okay?" 

I almost jumped when finally he replied—with a question. I quickly responded, "Of course! We can start anytime you want."

My answer was too eager and my tone was slightly higher than the previous sentences I gave. I was too excited and at one point I already didn’t care whether he noticed it or not.

" I'll be happy to accept the offer, then ." Ignis smiled then closed the book he was reading and picked a few other books from the bookshelf, which I suspected he checked before I came. "After I buy these, if it's okay with you?"

"Of course, I'll be waiting." no, wait, actually, I wanted to jump and yell. I couldn't hide the grin on my face and decided to cover  it with a book that I took randomly as he walked away .

From that day on, we were getting closer as we started to learn cooking together.

I ̧a͘m̨ ́g̢l͏ad,͜ ͘t͜o ͢b̶e a̴bl͢e͏ ̡to ̴l̸i̶ve̵ in͠ ͡t͢h̡i̸s͟ t̴im̡e̢

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading the first chapter! I know this chapter is quite boring because there's no conflict... Long way to go....  
> Comments are highly appreciated~! I'd love to engage with readers~!


	2. Mourning, Jealousy, and Ebony

**CHAPTER 2**

* * *

**M.E. 748**

It was only a few months after Ignis joined the crownsguard when he lost his father. He stood in front of his father's gravestone, right beside his mother's who left this mortal realm right after she gave birth to him.

The black-haired prince stood next to him, clutching the cuff of Ignis's dark suit. All of the attendees already left the cemetery, and only the three of us that still remained.  Noctis stayed after he begged his father to accompany the advisor, saying that this time he wanted to be with Ignis’s side. Perhaps, he said that because he realized that all of these years, Ignis was the one who stayed by his side, and maybe he wanted to repay his kindness. Or simply, he just wanted to stay closer with his older brother, and didn't want to leave the young crownsguard alone in the hardest day of his life.

The sun was shining bright above us, giving its golden ray to the entire world. But I couldn’t feel its warmth as I stared at the trembling back of Ignis who was standing three feet in front of me.  It was the first time for me, witnessing Ignis —who was usually calm and stiff —mourning. He didn't even bother to wipe his silent tears throughout the entire funeral ceremony. I wanted to touch his back, holding his hand, whispering any words that could ease his grief. Yet, here I was, only watching him in silence as I couldn’t find the courage in me to do it.

I saw the prince turned his head and glanced at me, biting his lower lips, curving his eyebrows, and looking at me with an expression which I interpreted as begging for help from me. I nodded at him, gesturing that I understood what he wanted to convey. I sighed when he turned his head to the grey granite stone engraved with the name of Ignis’s father. 

I raised my left arm to take a look at my watch. It was already past one hour after the last attendees left. I guessed the young Caelum was already tired of standing but didn’t know how to talk with his royal advisor. Noctis, who was usually spoiled, couldn’t even let out his selfish side to the Scientia.

I clenched my fists then stepped forward, approaching the prince and his advisor. 

"Ignis."  my voice was rather a whisper, hesitated, but I couldn’t let him stay in the cemetery forever. "I think... it’s time to go back to the citadel..."

I sunk my teeth onto my lower lips when Ignis gave a silence in response. I then moved my gaze to Noctis who glanced at me again. His blue eyes were moving back and forth between his advisor and me.

"Iggy."  I could hear the uneasiness in Noctis’s voice when he called Ignis who was still looking down to the ground. I knew Noctis must be bothered by Ignis’s quiet demeanor, since he didn’t reply to any of our attempts to call his name.

Noctis and I—for once again—crippled in silence, didn’t know what to say anymore. I lost count of how many times Noctis and I exchanged our awkward gaze,  until Noctis decided to stroke Ignis's shoulder —at last.

"Anyone want to eat something?"

But that slender hand was stopped in mid air since Ignis let out a sudden and unexpected question which startled both of Noctis and me.  Especially Noctis, for the prince had not touched Ignis's shoulder yet. 

Who expected that the advisor’s first words was him asking whether anyone wanted to eat something? Confuse, I looked at Noctis who gazed at me with the same puzzled eyes. He chuckled a bit then threw his eyes on Ignis, who thankfully, had already regained his composure.

“I want!” The smile Noctis gave was a cheerful one, and with it he did brighten the atmosphere. He then eagerly asked, “Will you cook?”

"Yes, a fine soup full of vegetables." Ignis  moved his entire body as he turned to see his prince, a slight smirk was there on his face as he teased the prince.

“No! No veggie!” Noctis pouted, crossed his arms and glared at Ignis who then chuckled a bit.

I couldn’t help but smile seeing the two of them, but then I noticed how Ignis glanced at the gravestone for a slight second, gave a wry smile then walked before Noctis and me to leave the cemetery. I sighed, the relief one, and tossed a smile to Noctis who also grinned widely.

“You looked happy Noct, eager to eat the veggie?”

“Yeah… Very…”

We spent the evening at my townhouse because Ignis didn't seem to be comfortable going back to the citadel. The kitchen must be occupied there, and moreover, my townhouse was empty because my father spent almost all of his time sleeping in the citadel recently. Hence, Ignis could use Lelia's kitchen freely.

As Ignis planned beforehand, he cooked a lot of dishes with vegetables as the main ingredient. Didn't want to upset his not-blood-related older brother, Noctis tried to eat as much as he could. Even though he surrendered after three spoons.

For a token of appreciation, Ignis baked a few cakes. The experiment resulted from recreating Noctis's favorite dessert from Tenebrae.

"It's yummy, but not even close," the raven-haired prince commented while still munching the sweets, not a suitable manner from someone who will be the next king, indeed.

* * *

**M.E. 749  
**

It was not long after lunch break when I saw Ignis sitting in the citadel library. I hugged the book I just took and gazed at Ignis as he flipped through the next page of his book while his other hand took a note from it. I looked at the young royal advisor, observing the way he swiftly used the pen he clutched, the way he fixed his black framed spectacles in between, and the way he gave pause while his thumb pressing his chin.

I parted my lips, ready to call Ignis when a girl younger than him called. He looked up and turned up the corners of his lips at her. The girl sat on the chair next to him, while Ignis opened his lips, engaging conversation with her.

Withdrawing my intention, I stepped back, hid myself behind the bookshelves. A sigh escaped from my lips, as I pulled myself toward the service desk, checking out the book I borrowed and left the library in haste.

The next day, I found Ignis standing inside my kitchen, having a knife in his right hand and promptly peeling a potato in his other hand. I rolled my eyes, remembering that every Saturday he would visit Lelia's private cooking class. I was not quick enough to leave the kitchen, for Ignis calling my name.

"Eira, you're late," with eyes still fixated on the ingredients, he continued his talk, "Didn't you say that you want to learn cooking?"

"I passed today." I gave off a sigh. Clearly, I tried to avoid him today because of an unreasonable jealousy. I knew it was foolish, but seeing him with another girl made me uneasy. I gave another excuse,  "Besides, I can learn whenever I want. Right, Lelia?"

"Lady Eira almost never showed up in townhouse in recent days though. How could she learn cooking?" Lelia chuckled, and giggled more when I threw a glare at her in exasperation.  I really wanted to scold her, because instead of protecting me, she just blurted out the truth to the advisor.

"Is that so?" 

I only replied to him with silence, moving my gaze from Lelia to the glasses young man. Before I knew, Ignis already finished chopping the potato. He uncovered the lid of the large pot on the stove,  and perhaps what he was doing later was  skimming some foam from inside the pot  as I couldn’t see it clearly from here .  I couldn’t lie, the way he moved his hands as he cooked never failed to fascinate me. I shook my head before I drowned in the reverie about him.

I walked toward Lelia, gave a displeased frown to the auburn-haired woman in her thirty  and whispered my complaint,  "Why don't you defend me?"

"From what?" Lelia gave a mischievous grin  which I despised because I was sure that she understood what I meant.

"It's fine if you decided to skip. No one forces you to learn cooking." 

I was startled when Ignis continued his sentence, which then made me look at him again. To be honest, I was a bit sad when he said that. I wished he would compel me to join him in cooking, but I was not a prince, not part of his responsibility, and cooking skill was not a must for me.

I watched him as  he moved his hand to the beets, finely mashed it into a puree then mixed it with some seasoning.

"Anyway, did you already have lunch?

"Not yet."  I shook my head, even though he didn’t see me. He was too immersed in his activity he didn’t even give a slight glance to me.

"Well... if you want?" 

I straightened my back when those eyes looked at me at last. I saw him give a smile at me before I averted my gaze. I loved the green hues on his eyes, but I wondered why I avoided it. No, I definitely do not hate him. The heart beat beneath my chest then suddenly let out a loud thump, and then started to beat faster than before. Still, I must reply to his offer.

"I couldn't refuse. You're already making it anyway." I wished there was a mirror in the kitchen so I could take a look at my face. It must be smeared with crimson hue because I could feel the warmth creeping from my cheeks to my ears. 

"Oh my! I forgot to buy the berries!" Lelia's sudden gasp startled both Ignis and me. 

"Berries?" I crossed my arm, tilting my head in confusion while Lelia strided from the kitchen.

"Your father asked me to make cheesecake, Lady Eira." She stopped walking right on the kitchen entrance then put her hand on the frame of the opened door. "Ignis, you remember the recipe right?"

"Yes, please rest assured. Thanks to your clear explanation, Ms. Lelia." Ignis nodded,  which then made me anxious because his sentences only supported her to actually leave the kitchen. Ignis definitely didn’t have a clue as for what was happening at that time.

"Okay then! I'm leaving!" Lelia winked at me then  advanced her steps  to the entrance, leaving Ignis and I in awkward silence.  I bit my lower lips, asking myself what to do now. Letting Ignis alone in the kitchen would be, a bit, impolite for me. Helping him cook was definitely not a wise choice, I would only disturb him. I looked down to the cold white floor, peeked at him behind my lashes, and gasped when the man was actually still looking at me. He gave one last smile before engaging in his cooking again. He wouldn’t know that only the gaze from him was enough to make my heart beating uncontrollably.

I then decided to sit on the stool in front of the breakfast bar and watched him as he finished his cooking. One hand supported my chin, while another one fiddling on the wooden surface of the bar. I spent an entire hour only watching him. But, seeing him only reminded me of the girl inside the library. There must be a lot of girls who like him, perhaps, that girl was one of them. And here I was, as his fiancee, wondering whether he liked me or not. Perhaps, all of this agreement only burdened him. Perhaps, actually it was better if we terminated that kind of foolish arrangement. Moreover, it was his father who decided it—well, my dad was also part of it. But… his father was no longer here… and he had no reason to partake in this kind of marriage arrangement anymore. 

I blinked when Ignis placed a bowl of the  _ borscht  _ on the breakfast bar before taking a seat on the stool across mine. "Here you go."

"Thanks."  Gladly, I didn’t let out an audible gasp when he suddenly appeared in front of me. I didn’t realize that I was lost in thought and forgot all of my surroundings. 

I  lifted up the corner of my lips as I looked at him before  taking a full spoon of the thick red soup, blowing the hot steam from it and taking a sip of it.  It was sour, but it also gave a pleasant sweet taste. I dare to say that it had the same taste as what Lelia made. No, I thought it was more delicious than hers.

"How's it?" Ignis placed his arms on the table, leaning his head forward and staring at me in a demanding gaze as if looking forward to either compliment or judgement from me.

_ T҉he emer̢al͝d̷ ̡I͏ cou̡l͞d ne̴vȩŕ forge͢t̷ _

"Quite delectable." I averted my gaze while gulping the soup.  I wanted to beg him not to look at me like that, it just made me hard to breath. He was only fifteen, but he had already become this… attractive.

"Despite the fact that it's my first attempt?"

"Don't be so humble, I know you had pride in this dish."

He let out a small chuckle, then took a spoon and joined the lunch with me. We ate in silence, sometimes interspersed with small talk about crownsguard training or the prince he devoted to.  I enjoyed his company, and somehow the  _ borscht  _ had become more delicious than before in every second that had passed. I didn’t want this moment to be over, but then I remembered that I would like to end the arrangement between us. I wondered if he was not my fiance anymore, would we spend the day like this? Because, maybe, he was with me only because of his  _ duty _ and  _ responsibility. _

It was not long after we finished our meal when his phone rang. The prince demanded his presence in the citadel,  so it seemed that everything would end soon.

Ignis wanted to wash the dishes but I insisted that I would be the one who did it. He said that he couldn’t let the lady do the dishes but I scowled and said that Lelia would do it so he wouldn’t mind leaving. He must not let the prince wait, right?

But the steps were getting heavier as I walked him to the entrance. Again, the worry about the marriage arrangement still bothered me. Also, if I didn’t say it now, I would never be able to. I liked him, but I didn’t want him to be with me only because of what was decided by our parents. 

Without thinking,  I tucked the hem of Ignis's shirt right before he walked past the entrance gate,  which then halted his steps. 

"What's wrong?" He turned his body, pushing up his spectacles as he stared at me behind those clear glasses.

I closed my eyes,  trying to find the composure inside the darkness and then opened it again only to look at him in his eyes for a slight second then averted my gaze.

"Ignis…" 

It was so hard for me to convey it. But, no, I didn’t want this matter to keep bugging me. I knew it was stupid. I knew I was foolish. Only from jealousy, only because I thought that I was not worthy to have him by my side, only because I wanted him to be free from any arrangement that choked him, only because he lost his father who asked him to be my fiance. I wanted to end it all. If I could have him by my side only because of the marriage arrangement without him loving me, I prefer to have him go and let him do as he wished.

I knew that I had no much time. I should start to talk, but it was hard to gather my courage.

"I don't know if this is the right time to tell you.”  I clasped both of my hands, moving my fingers in fidget. I almost lost my words. I found my tongue was stiffened, and my hands were getting cold.

“But,”  I sighed, trying to calm myself to continue my words, “ You don't need to be bothered with the arrangement anymore."

There was no more reason to confine him, right?

"What's with that?" He gave me a confused frown.  I was sure that he thought that I was unreasonable. Yes I was, making a decision based on temporary emotion.

"No, It's fine! Come on! You may not make the prince wait for long!" I pushed his body, making him turn his back to me. 

"Eira?"

_ No, don't call me with that tone…  _ _ Do not make me regret my decision... _

"Ah, but you are always welcome here! Lelia will be glad to teach more about cooking to you!" I pushed his body until he  passed  the gate, and soon I closed it before he could see my face.

"... and I'll be delighted to taste more and more of your new dishes,"  I mumbled, didn’t know whether he would hear it or not.

"Well then…" I  raised my head and smiled at him through the gap between steel ornaments of the gate.  I didn’t dare to look at his face. I didn’t have the courage to see his expression. 

"Be careful… see you in the citadel."  My voice was rather trembling. Without waiting for his response,  I scurried inside.  Besides, I didn’t want him to question my one-sided decision.

I quickly closed the door, leaned on it then  tilted my head downward, looking at the white polished marble floor.

It was hurting, way more than I could imagine.  Even though it was actually me who hurt myself.

* * *

**M.E. 750**

Ignis started to train his physique and combat since he was 16 years old. He often spent his night training in the citadel, together with other crownsguard members.

I joined the medic—as already decided for the House of Heallint—in the citadel. It was already  a year after the engagement was officially terminated. But I couldn't seem to be able to let him go, and I didn't want to shatter the relationship between us. Still, he was my childhood friend.

It was around 11 o'clock at night and I was intentionally waiting for him. I leaned my back on the hallway wall, hugging a towel and a cold Ebony can. After waiting for a while, I could hear footsteps approaching. Of course, I had already memorized his schedule and his practice habit, even though the training that day was a bit longer than usual. I was glad that the infirmary was not far from the training hall so I could  sometime secretly  peeking inside, to confirm whether he was still there or not, or just to admire his movement when he swung the wooden sword.

"Eira?" His hair was no longer neatly combed. His messy bangs almost covered his eyes, and the drops of sweat could be seen flowing from his cheeks and dripping from the tip of his dirty blonde strands. He was dazzling, so endearing.  If I was allowed to, I would like to say that I prefer Ignis to have this kind of hairstyle. Well, it was only a subjective preference, though.

I blinked hard before drowning in daze, trying to escape from my reverie.  It was his fault because he was too… charming.

"Here." I gave the fresh warm towel and the cold coffee can toward the young man, "Towel and your special potion."

I’m trying hard to give a smile at him, as natural as I could give.  I wish he didn't notice how my hand  was actually quivering. 

"Much obliged." He took both the towel and  the can of  his favorite coffee.  And he was smiling, with the most captivating smile, which then increased the pace of my heartbeat.

"Are you sure you want Ebony this late at night?"  I asked, perhaps by starting a conversation, I could calm myself.

"It's too enticing. How could I refuse?"

He blinked, seeing that both of his hands now full with the towel and  _ Ebony. _

"Oh wait…  Would you please hold it a moment  for me? " He  stretched one arm to give the  Ebony back to me 

He then put out his glasses  with his free hand, and then I understood why he returned back the Ebony to me. He wiped his face with another hand that was holding the towel, and I was there, standing still in front of him, and watched him the entire minute. 

"Why are you still here anyway? Isn't it over midnight?" He glanced at me with his glass-less eyes. In that brief moment, I could see his green eyes clearly.  It was beautiful, so beautiful I wished that I could keep seeing it for eternity.

_ The em̴e͟r͜al̵d̕ I̕ w͝i̡s͟h̕ n̵ev̢e҉r͜ s͢tái̷ne͟d _

"Well… I was just reading some research document."  It was not a lie, I was indeed reading some research documents. But it was only because I wanted to see him, waited for him to finish his training, giving the towel because he didn’t bring it—there was a time when he entered the infirmary only to ask me whether I had a towel or not, and since I offered myself to prepare the towel for him—, and giving the Ebony because I knew he loved it—who didn’t know that he was addicted to Ebony?.

"A lady is not supposed to sleep late, is she?" He put the towel on his shoulder then casually took the Ebony can from my hand. "Do not overwork."

I smiled hearing how he expressed his concern. 

"You really love Ebony, hmm." I watched him as he opened the can. "You really could drink it anytime. I think you will survive without mineral water but not without Ebony."

He chuckled and sipped his favorite black coffee. "You're not wrong, actually."

A small laughter then filled the hallway from both of us.

"The training today was longer than usual." We started walking toward the main hallway,  chattering on our way just like what we usually did.

"Yes… Marshal was there," he answered while matching his footsteps to mine,  I was rather slow, and part of it was because I wanted this moment not to be over soon .

"Yes, I saw him pass by a few minutes ago. Sparring?"

"Yes, of course."

"Harsh?"

"Vicious, indeed."

"Did you get hurt?"

"Gladly not."

"Really?"

"Not even a small graze."

"Oh great! The Marshal's mercy,"  I teased, slightly giggling.

Ignis chuckled and took another sip of his favorite coffee.

It was already our habit. Waiting for each other every day, like an unwritten task and responsibility.  I didn’t remember who started it, but I was grateful for these kinds of days.

The other day he waited for me in front of the clinic until I finished treating a wounded crownsguard. Bringing a can of my favorite oolong tea and drove me to the town house because I left few research documents there which was needed for the meeting on the day after.

Even when I decided to stay and spend a night in my room in the citadel, he was waiting for me, walked me to my room, saying goodnight and stayed in front of my room until I closed the door. 

He would say that I don't need to wait for him until he finished his training. And since, I would make up a lot of excuses to wait for him,  like giving him the towel, saying that I was doing an experiment in the potion brewing, or telling him that I was reading some books or documents .  I was willing to do that,  because the night was the only time we could meet for more than five minutes.

Even though there was no more engagement.

Even though he had freedom to be with anyone he wanted.

He decided to stay, and so did I.

As if the termination never existed in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you for reading this chapter! I really want to hear any opinion/critics about this fic. Even though I know it's only the second chapter.


	3. A Book and A Kiss

**CHAPTER 3**

* * *

**M.E. 752**

It was snowing outside, as the white crystal danced to the ground, leaving a white heap on its surface.  The shimmering white looked like thousands of fairies which were slowly descending from the sky. Softly, tenderly, swaying since the wind swirling, then halted when they met the coldness of the piled white. Onto the ground, to the frozen grass, to the lonely branches which were being left by the leaves. 

I drowned in my reverie, staring at the frozen window which showed a blurry view to the garden surrounding the citadel.

The long holiday meant no intense training for either the crownsguard or kingsglaive, no specific mission, and also no injuries. The infirmary was on leisure time, even few staff decided to skip after three days of tedious working days. And it was my turn, the youngest of the medic and healer in the entire room, acted as a sacrifice to look after the empty infirmary.

I placed my elbow on the table, my hand supporting my chin lazyly. I tapped the pen I clutched, producing a noise to accompany me in this silent room. The radio was broken a few days ago, and the computer was set not to be able to open any other application beside the infirmary related system.  The lack of noise made me a bit uncomfortable, I wished I could just do something. I should have to practice my magic skill, brew some potion, or read some books, instead of daydreaming like this. But even the holiday mood didn't fail to make me feel sluggish. This kind of weather was perfect to spend a day curling on the bed, covered in a warm blanket. Or, drinking a hot milk tea… I wanted to drink a hot milk tea. 

"Someone is enjoying her free time, it seems."

I was startled by a voice coming from the entrance. I  quickly  dropped the pen on the table surface and put down my hand, stopping fiddling the pen.  I could feel how my heart was beating fast. I even felt it throbbing from the vein inside my neck. I didn't expect someone would come here, and it was the royal advisor.

"Oh… Well… It has been an age for a royal advisor visiting this humble infirmary. Got any injuries?" I turned my head to the monitor, pretending to be busy as I moved the mouse aimlessly.  I was embarrassed. He caught me idling while I was supposed to be working. Even though, there was actually nothing to be done. No patients, nothing. But still, it was embarrassing.

"No. Not in a century." Ignis chuckled, pulled the chair in front of me and casually sat on it. He then placed a bottle of warm milk tea in front of me, "If you'd like."

I glanced at Ignis before noticing the small bottle he just gave.  I just thought that I wanted a warm milk tea, and he came, with the beverage that I yearned for. What a coincidence.

"With gratitude." I smiled and took the warm milk tea which  brought the warmth on my cheeks. I was very happy only because of a simple thing like this. I wondered if I was blushing.

"You're welcome." he then opened a book he was holding—which I didn't notice before—and started to read it.

"The library is closed?" I turned the lid counterclockwise, opening the white cap of the bottle he just gave me. The warmth of the sweet milk tea gave a pleasant taste inside my throat, spreading to my chest, warming my cold body in this kind of weather.  Slowly, I regained my composure, and the loud heartbeat already started to calm down into the steady beating.

"Today they closed early because the staff took paid leaves." He didn't lift his gaze from the book and kept reading in silence. "Good thing I still had time to borrow this."

"What is that?" I moved my chair because the monitor hindered the view of him. He then raised the book so that I could see the cover.

" _ Solheim: the First Civilization _ . Hmm… Is it historically proven?" I furrowed my brows,  skeptical with the book. Everyone knew that Solheim was an ancient civilization and almost all of its historical records vanished except for some ruins scattered on Lucis continent which unfortunately couldn't be completely explored since it was filled with the daemon. There was no way for someone to make a book about it, unless it was a fiction . "I wonder if what is written there is just a fake presumption."

"Right. That's why I found it interesting." he pushed up his glasses, adjusting its position because he was looking down at his book previously  which made it slightly slided .

"How about the publisher? Is it trusted?" I leaned back at my chair, closed the cap of my milk tea and placed it beside the monitor.

"Lecentya publishing." he half-closed the book, just to have a clear view of the hardcover of the book, then shrugged, "Never heard of it before, indeed."

"You must be very bored, until you finally decide to read that kind of book."  I chuckled. I knew his obsession with the books was beyond compare, only the third after Noctis and cooking. I bet he already read all of the collection in the library. 

"It's intriguing. An unknown woman suggested it, and I thought  _ why not _ ?" he immersed his eyes back to the suspicious publication, being absorbed by the knowledge offered by it.

For a few times a month, he often spent his weekend reading books in infirmary. The library was open only until lunch time every Saturday. It was an unnecessary effort if he must go back to his apartment just to finish a book, he said. Because he could complete it in just one hour the longest. And even though it was on the weekend, the prince often requested his assistance. The citadel was closer to Noctis's apartment than his to the prince's  so it was another practical reason .

I rested my chin on my palm, observing his grace figure. He was not the same Ignis I met as he was 13 years ago. A slight gaze of his eyes could make me crippled. His prominent jawline was a perfect angular and symmetrical. His collarbone was visibly arced under the small gap between his shirt's collar. The cologne he used reminded me of the fresh pine forest. He was what you called as a work of living art.

I took appreciation in every second of this serenity. Until he cleared his throat and let a slight cough after.

I blinked, returned to reality, opened the milk tea once more and took a big gulp, praying that the royal retainer didn't notice how I stared at him secretly. 

I glanced at Ignis who was still occupied in his reading. I assumed it was fine.  Fine, okay, he didn’t notice.  _ Perhaps _ . I wouldn’t know what to do if he caught me staring at him like that.

I took a piece of paper from the memo near the infirmary phone, creating an activity by drawing a few magic circles using the pen I dropped before.  I didn’t know what to do. Really. It was an awkward situation. Why would he sit right in front of me whenever he came by? Okay, I was glad to see him. But, at least, I should do something. Should I start to do some experiment with the potion brewing? Or, should I start to read some documents?

He coughed again, and after the third time, I frowned. I straightened my back then moved my head to see the man behind the monitor.

"Are you okay?"

"Hmm?" he lifted his face from the sea of pages, and let another cough while covering his mouth with his hand.

"Ermm…" he cleared his throat again. This time he put his bookmark―the pressed flower of sylleblossoms, a birthday gift from the prince when he turned 10―inside his book before closing its cover and putting it down on my desk.

"Fine…" he rubbed his firm neck with his slender forefinger. "Perhaps?"

He cleared his throat once again and a frown marred his ravishing visage afterwards. "Or not."

I could find myself jittery, wondering whether I should offer some healing spells or not. But first, I should examine him before I could cast the spells or prescribe the medication. That meant skinship will be involved.

No, only imagining it the beating in my chest was getting louder. But, I couldn’t let a mere emotion hinder my duty, right?

"I know that I'm still an apprentice, but would you mind if I?"

He stared at me for a moment and averted his gaze at the next moment, "Will you, then?"

I tried my best to maintain my calm composure as I asked him to lie down on  the nearest bed, checking his heartbeat meanwhile I could even hear my own heartbeat.

I wanted to bury myself under Taelpar Crag canyon after I finished examining the royal advisor.  I was sure that the crimson hue already smeared my cheeks by now.

He sat on the edge of the bed  after, but still not saying a thing.

_ The next is spell casting, Eira. Get a grip of yourself! _

It was not the first time for me casting a healing incantation on him. However the last time was years ago, when he fainted due to overwork and sleep deprivation.

Ignis was sleeping and unable to stare at me that time, thus the anxiety didn't shroud my mind.

However , this time was different. I never knew that those eyes  that were staring at me now  was this intimidating.

"Well then, please excuse me." I slided my forefinger on his neck, and drew a circle on it. I could hear my heartbeat increasing as I touched his captivating Adam's apple and downward to the curve of his lower neck. I pulled my hand, facing my palm above his neck and chanted the spell while closing my eyes.

House of Heallint  was  unable to perform a spell without drawing the magic circle. Unlike the glaives who were trained as healers, they borrowed the magic from the king, and the magic circle was unnecessary for them. I'd like to curse my own blood, being unable to have more convenient magic type, unable to devote myself as glaive, and unable to grasp king's blessing.

If only I had another type of magic which didn’t need to directly touch people to cast the spell...

I startled when his hand gripped my arm  abruptly after I finished casting the spell , causing me to open my eyes in rapid blink. He didn't say a thing, his lips tightly-shut, yet those emerald eyes permeated my soul.

"Yes?" I tried my best to ask casually, hiding the fact that I was really frantic right now.

He parted his lips, as if he wanted to convey a thing, but he released my arm from his clutch and averted his gaze  instead. Leaving me in puzzlement from the act he did a few seconds ago.

_ E̶v͢ery͞ ͟s̴ec͟on͜d̨ Į sp̴eǹt́ w̢it̨ḩ ͠yo̶ú ͞is̕ t̀he enti͠re͘ r̷ea̡son I̡ ̧l͢ive _

"It feels better…" he pushed his glasses, talking in his usual calm tone, as if nothing happened a few seconds ago.  Meanwhile, my heart was beating in tumultuous thud. I wondered if the young man could hear my heartbeat.

"Thanks." He gave a gleam of a smile at me and returned back to his previous seat, took the book he was reading then buried his face behind those printed pages.

"You're burning by the way." I walked to the cabinet behind my desk while avoiding my gaze from his eyes. 

"Really?" I wondered what kind of expression he made now, as he asked that question.

"I'll take some pills for you." I found myself fidgeting as I unlocked the cabinet door in trembling fingers. His warmth still lingered on the tip of my forefinger. My skin still remembers the soft surface of his firm neck.  And it succeeded in making me have difficulty only opening the cabinet door and taking the medicines from inside.

None of us talked about what he was trying to do. I gave him the meds, updated his medical history in the infirmary database, and we let the awkward silence enveloped us.

I never knew what was in his mind. I didn't dare to ask him, not even dare to take a look at him in the eyes.

* * *

**M.E. 753**

All of his tasks as  the prince 's  right hand, crownsguard, and also attendee in every royal meeting to take notes for his highness, got Ignis time occupied.  On the other hand,  being a  crownsguard  medic, I often spend my time in infirmary to treat endless crownsguard and —sometimes— kingsglaive who were injured from their mission outside the Crown City or from a mere training. Few broke their limbs, few exhausted their magic and few injuries could be healed simply by drinking potion.  Actually, the most injured one had already been treated in the hospital near the border, where most of the field crownsguard medics and kingsglaive healers were stationed. But, after a few days, some of them returned back to the citadel, and here, in infirmary, it was my duty—and other medic’s duty—to continue their treatment.

It was almost midnight, after I kept a freshly brewed antidote to the safe, when Noctis opened the infirmary door abruptly.

"Is there someone still here?!" his face was dirtied by blood and dirt, while Gladio leaned on his shoulder. Gladio's hand covered his face, where the blood streamed down from his cheeks and stained his shirt.

"Oh! Please come in!" I rushed toward them and helped Gladio sit on the bed not far from the entrance. 

"You have no potion?" asked Noctis impatiently.

"Unfortunately, this kind of wound couldn't be treated by a mere potion." I took the potion on the nearest shelf and used it on the son of Clarus Amicitia. "But it could stop the blood."

I took the towel and a small bucket of water. "Excuse me." I moved Gladio's sturdy hand from his face then started to clean his injury. He groaned as the cold water touched his flesh, squinting his amber eyes, while creases of pain were created on his face.

After I finished cleaning it, I trailed my finger on his wound slowly, creating a small circle. I murmured the spell until a dim light surrounded my hand and disappeared into his injury.

"Is that magic?" it surprised me when Noctis asked curiously. But when I thought about it, Noctis indeed never had a chance to witness me doing any magic in front of him.

"Never knew that you could do that. I thought that the  crownsguard  medics can't do magic, besides the one from glaive's magic unit." It was  really  unexpected for him to remember the magic system, knowing that his royal retainer often vented on how the prince was lacking interest in anything regarding the citadel and activities related to it.

"Yes." I stood and brought the towel and bucket back to the washstand. "It's different from the Oracle, of course. Much weaker, but it's independent from Lucis magic."

"I never knew such a thing existed." Noctis grabbed a chair and moved it near Gladio's bed. He leaned his slender back on the chair backrest and crossed his legs as he sat down.

"We, the House of Heallint is blessed with the ability to use magic from nature and time."

"Time? Like moving to the future or past?" the prince's usual lazy tone gave a glimpse of intriguing nuance.

"No. Of course, not." I picked a box of wet tissue. "What I did was just fast forwarding the body's ability to heal the wound around three to five times faster than usual. Oh… and also imbued by a painkiller."

I gave the wet tissue to the prince, so he could wipe the blood that was staining his delicate visage. The raven-haired prince took it then started to wipe his face.

"Hmm… wait, so this part of me is older than the rest?" Gladio frowned while pointing at his scar which then made me giggle from his question.

"No, rest assured." 

I saw the relief in Gladio’s face as he huffed when I answered his curiosity. I took a box of suturing kit then glanced at Noctis who was watching the whole treatment of his royal guard, “I’ll perform the suture by the way. I’m not sure you want to see.”

There was a shudder drawn on Noctis’s face as he heard my statement. After saying that he didn’t want to see, he left the room and I started to stitch the wound. Even though my magic could stop the wound from bleeding, few sutures were still needed.

“Okay, Gladio, please excuse me.”

It was the most straining sutures that I performed, remembering how long his wound was. I gave off the longest sigh in my entire life after spending almost an hour struggling with needle, forceps, and suture.

Noctis peeked inside, for the three times now asking the same question whenever those blue eyes of him inspected the room, “Not yet?”

He was very cute, waiting for Gladio patiently in the hallway even though actually he was inside his very own house. He could stay in his own room, but decided to wait for the Amicitia instead.

“Done.” I already finished treating Gladio, removing the gloves I wore and cast another spell on his face for once again afterwards. I slowly trailed my finger above his face―which was already covered in bandages―, to draw a magic circle as big as his face, mutterring the incantation then gave off a smile at the man when I was done. 

”It will leave scars by the way."

"Huh?!"

"Really?!" 

Noctis and Gladio showed disappointment in their tone.

“Well… You’ll remember me whenever you see the mirror then.” Noctis turned his head to the big guy and chuckled.

“I’ll treasure this scar with pride then, Prince.”

From the corridor, few footsteps echoed and got louder as the owner approached the infirmary. The first one that arrived was the blonde one, with freckles embellished his  sweet  face. He frowned while his crystal blue eyes scanned the infirmary until he spotted his two dearest friends.

"Gladio?! Noct! Are you alright?" Prompto strode to the two in wide steps  hastily . "What's with the bandage? Is it bad? Will you die?!"

"I will not, foolish." Gladio raised his right hand and tried to smack his friend's slender figure. 

"That's good! You must not die just because the drunken old man attacked you!" his cheerful nature never failed to amuse me. He crossed his thin arms and moved his upper body to the right and left while talking. He was that kind of man who was never capable of standing still, surely.

"Seeing the way you tried to slap Prompto like that, it seems that we should be worried for nothing." Ignis entered the room, his hair neatly swept up at the front. As expected from a perfectionist man like him, still maintaining his clean and proper appearance even if it was almost midnight.

"If only the crownsguard didn't interfere, I can finish them off! This kind of wound will never hinder me!" Gladio woke up and sat on the bed.

"If you still have enormous energy left, it's better to use it to stand up and walk. It's already late, I suggest for you to rest. And Noct, how about spending the night in the citadel? Even though we are inside the Crown City, it's still dangerous to drive in the dark.  Certainly, remembering the incident a few hours ago, I’m afraid that similar things would happen twice. We don’t need to risk going out this late at night. " As usual, Ignis speech was not far from lecture.  But, it was certainly the way he showed his concern to his friends.

"Gladio, you could use the crownsguard's room. I'm sure there are few vacant rooms there." he continued, eyes looking at Gladio who then nodded in agreement and raising his body to leave the bed.

"Well then. Prompto, you may sleep in my room if you want." Noctis stretched his body by raising both of his slender arms above. Relaxing his tense body after all of the commotion he experienced tonight, it seemed.

"Woohoo! Sounds fun! Let's play a game! You know? Like what's in comics when the students are doing camp training!" Prompto clapped his hands, excited after hearing the prince's offer.  He then threw one hand around the prince’s shoulder before turning his head to the wounded Amicitia,  "Gladio, how if you join us?"

"Please be reminded that resting well is required for your body. Especially you, Noctis." Ignis rested his hand on his hip.  "Do not forget to  clean your face. I’m not suggesting you have shower since it’s almost midnight. But make sure to dry off your hair before sleeping if you decide to. "

"Uh-huh! Right." Noctis replied _Ignis’s lecture_ lazily then started to walk to the infirmary entrance. "Gladio, can you walk?"

"Of course!  The wound is on my face not on my feet. " Gladio walked, following Noctis  who was giggling at Gladio’s response. 

"Well then, thank you very much, Mrs. Scientia." 

I gasped when Gladio threw a mischievous smirk at me before leaving the room. Biting my lower lips, I only gave him my sheepish grin.  _ Mrs. Scientia, oh the Six! _

"Good night, Lady Scientia! Thanks for saving Gladi's life! Hehe…" 

I blinked and quickly moved my eyes to the blonde Prompto who smiled brightly at me. Gladiolus must have infected him so that now the Argentum learned how to tease me.

I could feel my ears warmed hearing those two and I could only reply to them with no words but the same grin which I was forced to make even though actually I really wanted to hide myself under my desk. Okay, what did they mean by changing my last name into the dirty blonde’s one? There was nothing between us. He was not even my boyfriend, moreover, he was only my ex-fiance.

Was it really obvious that I liked the man?

Or on the opposite… it was Ignis who...

"Eh? Is it decided?" the clueless Noctis turned his head to Ignis , prying for the explanation from his advisor. “I thought the marriage arrangement had been called off?”

"Would you please just go back to your room already?" a slight blush could be seen on Ignis's fair complexion. Or perhaps it was only my imagination as I tried not to look at him for more than three seconds.  _ Three seconds rule for Ignis Scientia.  _ More than that was something I couldn't handle.

"Ehehe… Ignis, do not defile the infirmary, okay?" Gladio whispered, but not low enough for me not to notice.  I really didn’t know how to react now, clearly understood the joke thrown by the man two years older than me who then winked his right eye at me before leaving from the infirmary.

"Will not. You, dirty mind." Ignis pushed the royal shield outside, and waited for a while until their footsteps disappeared from the hallway.

"Please pardon their ungraciousness. Are you alright?" Ignis glanced at me.

And at that time our eyes met.

A silent gasp escaped my lips. I turned around hastily, walking away from him to the washstand,  remembering that instead of cleaning the medical equipment, I watched how the four of them interacted . 

There was a clamor inside my chest, as my heart now beat in a thunderous rhythm. 

"Oh, no problem. I-I'm fine." stuttered,  I tried hard to avoid his gaze.  I started to clean the medical equipment I used before  in anxious, hands trembling and I wished that he wouldn’t notice me.

"Anything I could help?"

"N-No need. It's fine, really." Despite saying those sentences, accidentally the steel basin dropped onto the floor, creating a loud clang that gave pain to the eardrums. I found myself mortified by my own foolish action. I hoped he didn't pay attention to my restless state,  which obviously couldn’t be ignored. Not, after the noise I created.

"Eira?" his soft voice veiled by concernment, as he strode towards approaching me.

"I'm sorry. I'm fine." I picked the basin and cleaned it once more.  My heartbeat getting louder as I heard the tread of his footsteps was getting closer.

"Okay." he stopped his feet,  just a foot away from me. Definitely, it was not good for my heart. His presence only made it hard to move my hands.

"Why don't you go back first?"  I asked, hoping that he would agree and leave sooner.

"I'll be waiting."

_ Splendid _ , he would be waiting. It was really uncomfortable being observed by him this close.

"You don't need to though."

He stared at me in awkward silence,  not budging from his place and I knew that no matter what he wouldn’t leave before me .  Until finally I finished organizing things, wore my coat then took my bag and walked to the dirty blonde who was standing not far from my desk.

"Sorry to wait." 

"Not a problem at all. We used to wait for each other before anyway." he took the bag I clutched and brought it instead. I let him do it, because he wouldn't allow me to bring anything if we were together.  Being treated like that, of course I couldn’t lie that it made me feel a bit special. Well, he was only being a gentleman. Perhaps, he would do the same with other women. Not that I ever witnessed the royal advisor with any woman though.

We started to walk, side by side. He always tried to keep his pace slowly, synchronizing his footsteps to mine. And he used to give some space between our shoulders, carefully not to hit mine.

However, this time he walked closer than usual. I wondered if his friends' words affected him in some way. I could feel  how  my heart  was  throbbing loudly  and quickly. As if it  was  trying to burst out. As if the entire world would be capable of hearing it because it was too loud, too rowdy.

"Remember when you said that… I don't need to mind the arrangement?"

I could feel my heart almost stop beating in a second  when suddenly an unexpected question escaped from his lips.

"What arrangement?" I glanced at the painting decorated on the wall along the hallway, pretending not to understand what he said.

"Marriage."

I gave a slight pause before answering his question. A discomfort pressure then tortured my chest. Why would he suddenly raise that topic tonight?

"Um… Yes?"

"I thought you were burdened by it." I could hear a glimpse of disappointment in his tone.  _ Was it, though? _

"N-no… I'm not. Rather, I thought you're the one who's troubled by it." I stuttered a bit, but managed to give him a reply  without stumbling on my own words.

"Why would I?" he stopped his steps and turned his body to face me. Eyebrows crooked in puzzlement, he looked at me straight on my eyes.

"Why wouldn't you?" I halted, and stared back at him in confusion.

"I never thought like that even for a second."  his declaration sped up my heartbeat even more.

"Wait. Why?" I questioned his statement. I really didn’t understand anything and  I didn't want to take a wrong interpretation. I demanded an explanation from his bold answer.  _ What’s with this conversation? _

"Isn't it obvious enough?" he sighed. His fair complexion got redder as he said those words. However, he continued walking despite explaining nothing.

"What?" I followed him, lifting my head up, and trying to look at his expression.  Was it really crimson hue that creeped on his cheeks?

"You really don't know?"

"No…" I shook my head in clumsiness.

"For God's sake…" his sudden halt causing me to stumble on his broad torso. I stepped back hastily and widened my eyes as I realized that I lost my balance.  I gasped, shut my eyes, and was ready to fall on a hard marble.

But for the next moment, he had already pulled my arm, holding me in his embrace and lifted my face upward. His soft lips met mine, even before I could catch a breath and a chance to process what exactly had happened.

It was a tender kiss,  as we  wreathed in silence.  He circled one arm around my waist while the other one was behind my head. He pulled my frail body closer to his until what I could sense was only his heat.

He pulled apart his lips and gave a soft whisper between his shallow breath. "Still don't know?"

Those emerald eyes emitted a fiery and demanding gaze. It enchanted me, seeing how close those green hues were from my eyes. He made me petrified, and it seemed that the strength had escaped from both of my knees. I was sure if he didn’t hold my body with his firm hands, I would fall down to the ground in any seconds.

I parted my lips, unable to grasp the things that happened as I didn't find a way to think clearly right at the moment. There were a lot of questions currently rammed into my head. What was happening? Why did it happen? What was he thinking? And so on… But there were no words that left my throat. Even, I was not sure if I could talk anymore. 

No. Wait. I should ask him. Was it a dream? Was it a part of my imagination?

"Igg…"

He left my word unfinished for his lips brushed mine once more,  not even letting me to ask for any explanation. 

I closed my eyes, letting the man do the thing he wished to do. The kiss was slow and soft at first, but shifted into the one of passion the next second. We hovered as the world fell away, searching for each other's presence. We were waiting for long, and at the time we came to realization, we let ourselves engulfed in desire.

"I don't mind if the arrangement is carried out."

_ But͘ ̵e̷ve̛n̕ ̕the ̡m̧emo͠ri͟ès w͢i̸ll ͜not̨ le̢a̷v̴e ́th͞e tra̛će _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading the third chapter! I'll be glad to hear some concrits... since, I'm afraid if there's not enough chemistry between Ignis and the MC... 
> 
> Also I don't have any knowledge in medical stuff so I might have any mistakes here. I originally planned for the MC to be a magic healer, but knowing how modern Insomnia is, I think the healer should have some real medical knowledges.


	4. Pendant and Departure

**CHAPTER 4**

* * *

**M.E. 756**

A small huff escaped my lips as I read the research documents I just got today on the desk.

_ Failure _ . 

I massaged the root of my small nose, placing my elbow on the desk and closing my eyes. 

It was truly frustrating. Probably creating a potion without the influence of king’s magic was really impossible. 

The researcher before me suddenly disappeared without a trace,  and the development was left unfinished.  Everyone in that research team didn’t know who their leader was, no information about that person’s name at all, not in every database in the citadel, as if his or her existence had been wiped out from the world . How could an organization inside the citadel have no record of this important project?  Even more, was it really possible for someone to leave with no single trace like that?

Another sigh escaped my lips before I immersed myself to the documents and spent the entire evening reading it. I had lost track of the time and  it was not long after the sun disappeared in the horizon when the knocking sound echoed throughout the entire room. I stopped reading the documents in front of me and glanced toward the door of my room in the townhouse.

A familiar voice then calling my name, a fondly and tender voice which never failed to bring a smile to my lips. But still, I was startled at first, because he was not supposed to be here at this moment.

"Lady Eira. It's me."

I chuckled when I heard Ignis called me in that formal manner. He loved to imitate how my surroundings addressed me since the past few months, right after I was transferred to another division.  I spent most of my days in a hospital near the citadel, even though occasionally I would stay in the citadel infirmary, going out and in between two places, depending on the schedule that often changed every week. 

"Yes, you can enter, Mr. Scientia," I replied to him in the same formal manner, because I didn't want to lose from him, even though we were not in a competition.

The knob turned  as the man opened  the wooden door. Ignis's tall figure entering the room in gracious steps. He wore a casual white long-sleeved shirt without his jacket. The shirt suited him well, not too loose to hide his hench torso, but not too tight to press his muscle. His hand was holding an arranged bouquet of red roses and white baby’s breaths,  which then  left a faint sweet fragrance all over the room. 

I was astonished by his  sudden  appearance. First, I didn't expect he would come,  he often called me beforehand if he wanted to come pay a visit . Second, he brought a bouquet of flowers,  weird, since he rarely gave me flowers, unless it was my birthday or a special event.

A smirk curved on his dashing countenance, I guessed he was amused catching me oblivious to the present circumstances.  I watched him without blinking as  his defined arm pushed the door behind him, closing it without taking his enticing gaze from me. 

"W-wait… What are you doing here? What is that anyway?" I flustered, pointing my finger to the flowers in his hands.  Well, he was going to leave the Crown City next morning, probably it was a farewell gift? I wondered.

"As you could see." The royal advisor approached my desk.  The smirk on his face was still there, and I knew that I was being trapped by his enchantment.

I  quickly  placed the documents on the desk and stood up, ready to approach him, yet, it was unnecessary as Ignis already halted a few inches from my feet. 

"I thought you're busy with your departure preparation?" I tucked a few strands of my hair behind my right ear in a nervous fidget.

"Surprised?"

"Of course I am. I thought you were going to the prince's apartment tonight. Saying about cleaning his room with the others." 

"I’ve already informed Noct that I will come late."

"Oh..." I averted my gaze for a moment before I landed my eyes on the flowers. The bouquet was neatly wrapped in a black kraft paper, adorned by a red ribbon tied on the bottom. I glanced over at Ignis, wondering whether the flowers in his hand seemed much prettier because he was the one who held it, or he was more mesmerizing by holding it.

He stretched out his hands, presented the flowers to me. Once again, I stared at the flowers,  trying to remember the meaning of them  which  probably  hid his subtle messages.  I was sure that  red roses  meant love, and white baby’s breath  was the symbol of purity. I wondered what he wanted to say.

It had been three years since the day where we found each other’s feelings. However, for almost all the time, I still couldn’t control my composure in front of his presence. I could feel the heat creeping my cheeks, spreading to my ears  if those lustrous emerald eyes stared at me . I would find myself unconsciously fiddling with my hands whenever there were only the two of us. But at the next moment, he would bring me to the serenity he created, through his hand, and inside his embrace.

"Milady." His voice permeated my mind, followed by a word that melted my consciousness.

_ Milady _ . It was his way to show affection, his favorite word, and also the word dearest to me. He was a nerdy stiff little boy a few years ago, a shy and rigid teen few next years, and at this moment, he had already grown up into a man with a sweet demeanor. The words which slipped from his ravishing lips always filled with endearing charm.

Ignis made a small step, shortened the distance between us. His eyes settled on mine,  and I could see the strong gravity that was conveyed through his gaze.

"Would you please accept my gift?" his soft voice was almost like a whisper,  and it gave a pleasant trace in my hearing sense.

"With pleasure." I smiled and reached the flowers while appreciating its beauty. As I looked closer, a small white envelope was placed between its flower crowns. 

I blinked in curiosity and lifted my head, staring at Ignis who was seemingly standing in anticipation. "What is it?"

"How if you open it?" A curve of smile was still there on his dashing countenance. His eyes emitted a calm gaze. He was, indeed, not a timid Ignis anymore. The one who stood in front of me was full of pride and confidence. Not even once he took his eyes off me, since he entered the room, and until he said those questions. Even though averting his gaze away from me was his habit a few years ago.

I hugged the bouquet with my left hand and took the envelope  with another hand . I glanced at Ignis once more before opening the envelope, which was a mistake because it only made my heart  flutter more since Ignis was staring straight into my eyes, deeply, as if it tried to dive into my mind .

I opened the envelope  carefully  and found a small card, written by hand in elegant cursive, which I knew whose.

_ Will you spend the rest of your life with me? _

I widened my eyes upon reading that one beautiful question. My heart was letting out a loudest thud before beating harshly afterwards.

"Wha---" I had lost my words and gave a slight chuckle instead. The corners of my lips lifted unwittingly.  It was the happiness that embraced me, together with the warmth that filled my chest.

I was indeed the happiest woman alive.

Before I knew, Ignis  had  already moved to my behind and placed something around my neck after moving my hair aside. 

"I still couldn't give you the ring yet."  his warm breath tickled my nape as he talked. The softness of his skin touched mine as he moved to clasp the necklace clip.

I stood still in amaze, heat creeping my cheeks, wondering if I was blushing at the moment. I moved my fingers to reach the silver necklace and lifted it up so I could see its pendant. It was a small clover-shaped one, highlighted by a small emerald stone ornament on each of its leaves. I was sure that he knew best that I adored his emerald eyes so that he deliberately chose it.

"I want to give it officially after I come back from Altissia." He circled his arms around my waist, embracing me from behind. His soft breath caressed my right cheek, as he tilted his head down and whispered at me.  The warmth of his chest met my back, and the butterflies were dancing in my heart as I felt his heat.

“I can’t wait.” I turned my head at him, staring at his enchanting eyes behind his spectacle. He returned my gaze, with his usual serene glow reflected on those eyes.

We closed our eyes, bringing our face closer  until our lips met . His lips were soft, still the same as that night, as the first time he conveyed his  feelings and his  honesty.  I opened my eyes as h e pulled his head away and took off his eyeglasses, revealing the eyes that glistened in a fiery gaze  which then quickened the speed of my heartbeat . His hand moved to the flowers in my clasp, grabbing it in a gentle manner and placed them together with his glasses on my working desk.

He pulled me again in his embrace, under his sturdy arm that circled my waist. I placed my hand on his firm chest, tilting my head up as he lifted my chin with his other hand. His warm lips pressed against mine for once more, and then his tongue made its way to enter my mouth, eagerly trying to make me hovered in the passion he created. I shutted my eyelids, loving the way he tasted like an _Ebony_ , which faintly gave a pleasing bitterness on my palate. 

The world was slowly disappearing around us, and the time had been stopped in this single moment. I was engulfed in his passion, in his desire, as he devoured my soul.

For the next moment, we found ourselves between the crumpled of my bed sheet, filling the room with our intoxicated voice. We were exchanging each other’s warmth, soaking in each other’s perspiration. 

I stared at the curve of his body, starting from his enticing neck, his appealing collarbone, trailing down toward his sturdy chest. All of the words in this world were not enough to portray his beauty. 

Our breaths were shallow, and he gave slight pants between his whispers. He recalled my name, over and over. As if it was an enchanted spell that brought him to the deeper passion. The face he made while reciting my name was so captivating, so endearing. 

The dirty blonde was disheveled, letting few strands of hair fall down on his forehead which emphasized his dashing visage. His eyes were shedding an unbearable passion, and my reflection was the only one emitted through those eyes. 

His soft hands caressed every inch of my body. His lips gave a few little marks on my pale skin. I drowned in pleasure pain, under his passionate touch, as he filled the void inside me. My mind, my heart, my soul was indeed owned by him and him only. 

The serenity enveloped us while we lay down on the soft mattress next to each other. I snuggled on his upper arm while he took a few strands of the raven hair of mine between his slender fingers,  fiddling with it, letting it fall down from his grasp before taking it again.

_ I͡͝f͘ ţ̷h͢͢e͢ ̷͝͡t̵͠i̶̵me͢ ̧w̶͢o̴̴̸uļd̡͏̛ ̷͡s҉̡t̴̶ơ͘p _

"The outside of crown city… will it be dangerous?" 

"I couldn't say it's not."

"Will you… promise me, then?" 

_ If̵̧ ͠you ͘ne͠v̨͠e̢͝r̢͡ ̕le͝av̢e͘҉ _

Those green shimmering eyes were gazing at me, asked me to be reassured, that its owner would be back, and I would be able to see those eyes again, staring at me again like this time.

_ Įf̴ ̸̶I͏͟͢ ̛c͢o̵͟͝ul͡d͟͏ ̴g̷ą͜͞z͝e̶ a̶̛t̛ ͘t̸͏h͟o͘͞se̡̕ ̕͠ģ̶̡ŗ͜e̴en ͏͝e̴ye͝s͠ f̵o͡͡r̕ ̧ȩ͢t͜͡e̵r̵ni͏͢t̶͢y̷̷.͜ _

“I’ll be back without fail...” his voice was silvery as he tried to convince me. His hand caressed my hair, and slowly moved to my left cheek. Then once again he turned up the corners of his lips, giving his usual captivating smile at me .

"Milady."

* * *

The sky was bright on his departure day accompanying the prince and his other two friends leaving for Altissia. The radiance of the sun's warmth permeated through the transparent glass from the window. A carefree song from the birds was faintly perceived from the garden, between the swaying twigs and the waving leaves. 

It was a shame that I couldn't see him off, even though we were in the same place right this moment. What I just needed to do was only to cross the door right there, straight to the hallway, and a few meters after I would arrive at the entrance hall.  But unfortunately I couldn’t leave this infirmary, since no one was here beside me―another medic staff, the auburn Raine, had something she needed to do so she would be late, leaving me alone in this infirmary. Moreover, I was waiting for a wounded glaive who had an appointment with me this morning, obviously I couldn't just leave only to send the man off with the prince and his retinue, right?

I had just finished organizing the documents in the filing cabinet when  a voice greeted me.

"Good morning, Lady Eira." A plump man with a crutch entered the infirmary. His brown hair was tied in a ponytail, just like what he usually did everyday. His lips stretched into a wide grin, while his blue eyes greeted mine in hospitable gaze.

"Good morning, Mr. Ostium. Please have a seat. How's your leg? Still hurt?" 

"Sort of. You alone huh? Is Raine skipping the duty again?"

I closed the metal drawer and walked toward the glaive who already had a seat on the bed.

“Well, she said that she had an urgent matter.” I glanced at the clock right above the door entrance. “She must have arrived here in a few minutes.”

“So, you’re alone with no one helping?  That’s tough!”

“Yes, it is. So, please keep in mind to avoid any injuries. It will ease our task.” I smiled at him, jokingly.

“Ahahaha! I’ll try!”

I kneeled in front of him and placed my hand on the cast on his left leg, drawing a form of magic circle with the tip of my finger and chanted the incantation. 

"How long will it take for me to be able to walk again?" 

"If you check your leg regularly, I could put on a healing spell every day, and will only take three to four weeks." I stood up  after the spell had seeped into his legs, then walked back to my desk. 

"What? That long?" Libertus frowned in disappointment. 

"You broke your bone, Mr. Ostium." I sat on my desk, hovering the pointer on my monitor and accessing his medical record. “You still have enough medicine right?" 

"Yep."

"Well then please come again tomorrow." I peeked from behind the monitor and gave a smile at him.

“Thanks a bunch, Lady Eira.”  Taking his crutch, the man a bit struggled to stand up. Well, it must be very inconvenient not to be able to use one leg. But I could see the man was able to stand by himself, so I assumed that it was okay if I didn't help him. 

“You’re welcome. Please take care of yourself.” I smiled at him as he waved his hand.

The big man slowly walked to the entrance,  but in a sudden Raine dashed inside and almost collided with him. Both of them startled, followed by the curse from Raine  and the grunt from Libertus.

"Libertus, damn it! I'm sorry!!! Did I step on you? Did I hurt you?!" Raine  halted her feet  and stepped back  in a hurry. She stared at the man from the head to toe, making sure that she didn't hurt him.

“Raine!” Libertus shouted in a slight infuriated tone. “Please be careful!”

“Hehehe… Sorry sorry…” she casually grinned and bowed at the glaive in front of him until Libertus gave off a sigh then left her without saying a thing.  Well, he must be angry.

“Raine, finished your matter already?”  I asked, slightly chuckled seeing the ruckus in front of me.

" Rather than talking about it,  how if you go to the entrance hall now?! Maybe you can have a chance to see them off!”  The loud thud from her high heels filled the room as she scurried inside.

“Eh?” I blinked and stared at the blue eyes in front of me. Hesitated after hearing her suggestion.

“Quick!!” She dropped her bag on my desk, pulling my hand so I moved out from my chair.

“But… I’m not sure…” My steps were indecisive, having a doubtful feeling as I glanced to the clock. _ I won’t make it.  _

“Save your hesitation for later, just go for now!” Raine forcefully pushed my back until I walked to the infirmary entrance.

I looked back at Raine from the hallway, staring at her for five seconds until she gave an annoyed scowl and leaving me with no option but to rush toward the entrance hall.

The infirmary was not far from the entrance hall, but I found it was farther than usual. I ran in a hurry, letting the loud tread of my shoes echoed in the hallway. I wished that I wouldn't stumble since it was rather hard to dash in my high heels.

I panted when I finally arrived in the entrance hall. Turning my head to the right and to the left, my eyes scanned the room, trying to find the presence I yearn.  I placed my sight on the woman on the reception desk  who watched me in curiosity. I  approached her,  parted my lips, ready to throw a question at her, but ceased myself as I heard a bright cheerful voice from the elevator when that  steel door  chimed  open.

"Aaa I was nervous!" A blonde man walked out from the elevator corridor in a light jumping skip. He raised both of his slender hands and stretched it out in the air.

"Be proud! You're officially a crownsguard now, Prompto!" another man with a large build tapped Prompto's back lightly,  probably he tried  to encourage the freckles man in front of him.

"Don't assume me the same as you noble, Gladio!  Having to face a King is a big deal! " Prompto grunted, furrowing his brow in peeved frown.

“So, facing me is not a big deal?” the prince who was walking slightly behind those two grinned at Prompto who then startled and turned around at him hastily.

“Ah! Hmm… Umm...! No! I mean...” Prompto was stuttered while the prince only laughed at him. His blue eyes wandered, probably trying to find any excuse and fortunately his eyes caught my presence who stared at them a few feet away. "Aa, Eira!" 

"Hmm?" Ignis who was walking behind him followed his gaze. He parted his lips for a second  before a smile passed over his face . "You come to see us off?"

A small chuckle escaped my lips catching a glimpse of surprise on Ignis’s eyes. I nodded at him before shifting my gaze to the prince. I brought my body closer to the men before performing a curtsy in front of the prince and his royal retinue.

"I wish for your safety, prince Noctis." I stood up afterwards, straightened my back and clasped my hand below my waistline.  "It saddened me to be unable to say it in the ceremony. But, congratulations on your wedding." 

"It's too early." Noctis placed his right arm on his waist, while the other arm scratched his head in an awkward manner. "But, thanks." 

"Well then… Please have a safe trip, all of you." 

"I'll miss you!" Prompto walked toward me. "But that spec over there will miss you the most!"  the blonde man crossed his arms then pointed his thumb toward Ignis who was fixing his glasses. His usual gesture when he tried to hide his embarrassment. 

"Oi Prompto! If you stand too close to her, someone will get angry." Gladio pulled the collar of Prompto's shirt. "You too, take care!"

I smiled at Gladio as he waved his hand to me while dragging Prompto to the citadel entrance.

"Bye bye!" Prompto waved his hand,  grinning at me with the wide smile that was full of pride  then following Gladio  afterwards .

"Take care, Eira." Noctis gave a slight awkward smile  at me while raising one of his hands. I replied to him with a simple goodbye before he left  to the entrance, following the two crownsguard men who would accompany his journey .

Ignis was the last one to leave. He stood still in front of me for a few seconds, until his gloved hand patted my head.

"I'll see you later." 

_ I will miss his soft voice.  _

_ I will miss those smiles. _

"Yes. Goodbye." I nodded and tried to see him off with my smile, even though I could feel the heap of tears filling my eyelids. I clenched my fist, trying to withhold the tears that were ready to escape my eyes.  I couldn’t lie, but actually the sadness had engulfed me, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to see him for indefinite time. My heart ached, but I wouldn’t tell him. I was afraid, but I should believe him.

He would be back. Surely.

_ ̛B͜u̶t ҉th͟a͏t͝ ̶do̵esn̵’̸t ͡m͘atter a͜n͢y͡mo͜re _

"Goodbye." He lifted his hand from my head, and once again, pushed up his eyeglasses before deciding to stride toward the entrance, following the prince and his other best friends.

I fixated my eyes on his broad shoulders, until he slowly disappeared beyond the entrance.  The warmth trace of his hand was still there on my skin where he caressed my head. I wondered how long before I could feel it again. Even now, I had already been shrouded in sadness. Could I really withstand the days without him?

_ ͜I̷ ̶on҉ly wi̶sh ͞fo͝r̢ y͡ou̷r ͞h̴appi̛nes͞s.͟ _

* * *

The hallway toward the entrance hall was closed since three p.m. and the treaty signing ceremony will be held a few minutes from this moment. That meant, no one would enter this area nor leave through the main lobby.  Seeing a few imperial armies roaming inside the citadel didn’t give me a pleasant feeling, even seeing a few of their airships hovering around the sky since this morning was suffice to make me clouded in eeriness. I wished that everything would go well, remembering that my father was there in the same room as the King of Lucis and the Emperor of Niflheim.

"What do you think of the treaty?" Raine seemed fidgeting, as  she never stopped walking around inside the infirmary while her forefinger tapped the glass she was holding restlessly.

“Our opinion doesn't matter. It's happening now,” another medic answered  in the tone of disappointment , he didn't even bother to look at the TV inside the room.  Not everyone was pleased with the king’s decision, since he agreed to let the Niflheim annex the Lucian outlands in exchange for peace. A lot of people who lived here were born outside the Crown City, and this treaty would mean that they would lose their hometown. Yet, the king's decision was absolute, and even though some protesters gathered in front of the citadel a few days ago, their words meant nothing.

I leaned my waist on the edge of my desk, crossing my arm and stared at the TV in front of me. 

_ “The treaty is now on table. The countdown begins to this historical moment.” _

The monitor was displaying a treaty paper which had been placed on the desk in front of the king of Lucis and the emperor of Niflheim.  But in a sudden, the view was obstructed by blinding flash and stopped just like that, followed by a deafening blast from the outside of the citadel. The wall and ground were trembling, and splinters of wood from the ceiling were falling.

The screams echoed inside the room, and I instinctively crouched and hid myself behind the desk.  My heart was throbbing in fright. Biting my lower lips, I moved my head to take a  glance at the monitor which showed nothing but a static noise.

“What the hell happened?!”

“What was that?!”

“Oh my…” 

The clamor filled the room, while another tremendous noise resounded from the outside. An imperial ship had crushed the garden, and dozens of its troops swarmed out from the inside, pointing their guns and fired it from outside the building.

I cursed, and moved away from the desk, hiding behind the other side of it, away from the window. The thousands of glass pieces shattered, creating a sharp noise  as they destroyed it with their guns . I  flinched when  a sharp pain  pierced  my arms, it seemed that the glass had scraped it.  I looked down, seeing how the line of blood had escaped from beneath my wounded skin, but I had no time to heal myself in the midst of this chaos.

The other medics started to run in havoc, but few of them were unfortunate enough to save themselves, as the bullet had already penetrated their bodies.

I was shivering, the fear shrouded my mind as I had zero experience in the actual combat zone. I placed my hand on the handgun I always carried, inside my leg holster under my dress. The magazine capacity of 17, it was not enough, certainly. M̨y̛͕̺̯ ̦͎̙h̹̝͚̹͜a͉̻̳n͕̯͙͓̣d̟̣ ̜w̴͉̼̪a̘̫̳͍̬͉s͠ ̨̹͖̱̞̱̥̲q̺͓u̗̼͉͓̙̭̮i̧̘͎̝v̻̘̺̫͓̜̕e̮͇̲̼͎̳̟r͘i̫̣n͖̘̭̟͉̬g̦̣̫̺, how could I aim at them in this state? 

The real thing was really different from the training. 

Failure meant death.

I closed my eyes,  trying to regain my composure. And at that time, I remembered a long forgotten word from h̡̥̮̫̎̈̌̄̌̈̋͗̌̌͐͛̏̋ͦ̾͛͐̚̕͠͡ę̛ͦ̊͐̅̓̽ͤ͐ͪ̚͝҉̭̞̥̳r̵̶͐͊̆̃̍̒́͏̡̛̥̜͖̭̺̥.

_ "A woman f͟r̶͘om̵̛͞ ̡H̶ơ͢us̵͞e̢̧ of Heallint never ceased to f̴i̶͟ght̷͞.͏ ̶̕N̴͠e҉̸͝ve̴͡͝r ̸̴̧e̢͝x̕p̵̢͟e̴͢͢c̕͢t to sit still behind the safe room to h̢e̶al̢͘͢ ̨͞people."  _

A long sigh left my lungs as I opened my eyes.  I unsheathed my gun  with my trembling hand and peeked from behind the desk. Few infantrymen moved the other way, invading the citadel through another room. I gave a slight sigh when there were only three of them entering the room from the infirmary window.

_ I must… _

I took a deep breath and gripped the gun, waiting until they came closer. I c̅́ͤ́̍̂͜l̸͒͐̍̿ͭͨ̌oͮͩ̃̇̎ͯ̍͟sͤe̿̊̔̉ͦ̀͒d͌̂̈̑͆ͩ ͬ̂͐̏͝m͜y ͂̀̑̏̓e̶ͧ̐y̢͆ͣ́̂̾ͯ̽ë̈̓͂s̑ͬ̿ͥ͆̉, listened closely to the loud steps they made and opened my eyelids when I heard their footsteps getting closer, finding one of them had passed by. He didn’t seem to notice my presence as I gazed at his back.

I pointed the gun toward his head slowly, focusing all of m̘̩͚y̮͈͕ ̷̤̟̭͉m҉̣̠̖ͅi͏̠n͔͍̪̱d̵̻̳̲ on my aim. I held my breath and pulled the trigger as the gun created an ear-splitting sound. He fell down and the spark of something similar to electricity appeared on a few spots from his body.  _ He was not human. _

I quickly snatched the rifle he dropped, aimed it to the other infantrymen and shot them down. I caught my breath afterhand, trying to sort out its speed. Yet, I still found my hands were s҉̳̰͈͚̗͖h̞͓̩͇͓ḭ̛̥͖̻͚͇ͅv̠̻̹ͅe͞r̲͔̙̞͎i̹̜͘n̩̻̘̱̙͕͙g͡ and the strength on my legs were weakening. However, standing still in this room would only grant me my death.

I stood up. Even though my legs were shaken. Even though ̰̞̘̼͡t̫̖̗̥̟h͢e̯̪͓̯͎̕ ̷͕̗͕͇̣̯f̟r̷̯i̝̘̲͚̬̟͞g̺ẖ͡tͅ ̬͈̰̻̬̹gnaw my soul.

I dashed out toward the infirmary entrance and ceased my feet when I heard a cr͉̣̰̩̝̙ͅy͙͍̘̪̳ͅ from the room.

"Eira!" It was Raine, she hid under the other desk, crouching in f̨e̕ar. I rushed at her and pulled her hand.

"Come on! Let's get out from here!" 

The tears already slipped from her eyes, and her hand was as cold as ice. Th̓͊͜e̶ͯͬͧ͛̎ ͭ̏̆̒̅͌d́͒ͤ̿ͣ̉̌r͡e̴ͯ̀ă͑d̒̽̇̔̾̅ ̇̈́ͥͨwas drawn on her fair complexion, and I  was sure that I  could say the same for me. 

We ran away in the hallway until I heard loud gunshots and screams from the main entrance hall. I decided to avoid the c͋ͨ̎̾ͩ͗͏a̸ͯ̃͑̌t̄͜a̵̾ͤ̅̐st̾͛̂̐̈́̐͑r̶ͦoͫ̏͠p̵̉̿ͥ̀ḩ͂̉̊̚e̽ͦ̒̍ͩ̊͋ ̂̃ͩ̏̋̊there and looking for another way out from citadel. We turned around and sprinted toward the crownsguard training hall.

My lungs were screaming in pͨͬa͗͛͝i̶͑ͦn͑̍ͣ̎ͦ, as if ready to burst out  when I forced my feet to bring me away to somewhere safe . My heart  was  throbbing inside my chest harshly,  I could even hear its rough beating from the vein on my neck .  It was torturing.

Not letting me have a chance to catch my b̯r͢e̝͕a͕͖̰̝͚̥͠t̬h̴͈̼̹̟̭͚, few soldiers jumped from the airship above the open court near the training hall. Few others were coming from the hallway behind us. 

We were ambushed.

_ They even had no mercy for the civilians, huh? _

The sound of gunshot filled the air, followed by the cr̤̦y҉̭̼̬̳̗̥̣ ̟̺̗͔̯̤̱slipped from Reina’s lips  from  my behind. Her b̷͏l͢͠o̕od̛͟ spattered, staining the white dress I wore, to the ground, and to my skin. My eyes widened as I found her falling to the ground and letting her hand go from me.

I didn’t think much and hastily  raised my rifle, shooting at the infantryman that k̮̘̙̘͍ͅi͏͇̳͚l̢l̜̣̦e͉̙̮͝d̬̠̬͜ ̴͍̯̯͓̮her and proceeded to destroy every one of them. 

My scream was silent, my cry was unheard. My mind filled with anger, d͍̪͞i̫͔͖̮s̥̭ͅt͍r̬͚̪̼̪͚e̩͙̣̬s̱͖̩̲̮͕s̹̘̜͔̳̜͞,͎ ̦̳͔͙̱͔͇p̵̩͉̗̥ạ̖̼̥̘͇i͔̟̠n͚̱͎,̖͕̺̜and agony. I forgot how my hands were shaking a moment ago. I ran recklessly, trying to avoid the rain of bullets  that were being showered at me.

They permeated my shoulder, grazed my hand, and created a hole on my legs, leaving the trail of bͪ̽̏l̷͂̎ͬͪ̊ȏo̴̊͐̅ͬ̆d͊̅̓ͮ͡ ̸̅̋ͣ̊̈́̊̿on the ground.

But I was here, standing on my feet, enduring the burning p̥̦̱ai̲͙n̹̗͎̱͙͇̲ ̫̹̻̠̰͇all over my body.

It was until the last of them f̮e̖̤̫̫̦͕̝l͘l͎͡ ̛͈̖̭͕ͅt̢̠̘͓̙͚o̠̠̰͕ ҉̺̣͇͓t̟̹̭̳h͉̻͍͡ͅe e̬͜a͕͢r̖̗͍̖̘ṭ̞̬͖̣͈̻͞h ̭̦̣̜̞ ̫̭̭͈̦̮͛͆when I dropped the rifle I snatched from them. I caught my breath, unsatisfied even though I already erased them from this realm. 

_ It hurts... _

My body was in tremendous pain. The blood slipped from the corner of my lips, and every air I took to breath was only increasing the a̭̥͠go͎͖̠̫̭̤ṇ͖̝̟̣̖y̯̙͔̠͔̜ͅ ͈̳̖̫̻͚within.

_ It hurts... _

I fell to the ground, let the hard concrete hit my chest, adding the pain to my frail body.

_ It’s p̺͇a̪̪͉̘in̶̳f̦̙̙̣̦̣ͅu͎̺̻l͕̮̜͚͓͖͉.̧̹̺͚͉͚̳.͉̰̱͓͈.͙͔ _

I placed my eyes on Reina who had already went to her deep s҉̭̝̹l̼̙͚̬͓ͮ͑ȗ̜̗̻̹̱̃̄͆̑͢ͅm̫̰͎͇̦̿͋̅b͑̏̈́͏̝̺̠͎̜ę̽̓r̙̹̠. I tried to drag my body, but what I could do was let out a painful groan.

_ It’s hurting me... _

The surroundings were getting darker. The sound and voice d̫̱͕̪̀ͬȉ̘͑̆ͮs̬̘̥̠̜̰̉̂͌̚ã̷̺̬̤ͯp͔̗̺ͨͤ̑́ͤͨ̆͞p͍ͨ̔̽̎ͯͫͮe̮͓̮͊a̢̠̝̟͓̤̤͆̅͌r̙̗ͫ̍̽̋e͉̥ͦ̉͆͛d̴͈̩͍͙ͥͅ ̨͆ͮfrom the air, as if the clamor inside the citadel were only an illusion. What I could only hear was a mere void.

The̪̙͘ w̕i̶͙̦̖͙̲̫̱nd͔̜ ͘w̛̺̬a͝s̰͖̦̺̩̗ ̘̺̞̼͓g҉̬̞̖̱͚̤̘e̵̹t͉̩̖t̺̩i͏̠̻͓̣ṉ̵̘̙̮g̛̺̤̠͕ ͉͘c̷͚͇̮̣̫̱͉o̶̰l͘d̰̪̬̜͚͞ͅę̣̗̰r̛̯̟͚̻̤̰͓,͢ and my body was paralyzed.

I moved my gaze, at a shimmering emerald that sparkled near my face. The clover he gave at me, the night before he left, th̽̅̋̂̏e҉ ̂̌ͮ̅ͧͥ̔nͪ͂̅͒̓̈i͗͌̄ģ̉̎̏̅ht ͑͒ͦ͏ẁ̑ͪ̑͒̓͂h̷ͨe͒ͬn ̾̇̃̏̄ͩh̡ͣ̏e̓̌ ͜t̒̆o͌l̈́ͨ̍̅̍̊ͥd͢ ͑ͯͫ̚m̆̃̕e̢̊̾ ͯ̓t͆͞h̴͒ͥ̚ò̓ͮͪs̾ͦ̿ė͐ͮ̍͐͟ ̀̍̇̿ͦ̓bͨ̂ͭͯ̏̚͝e̵au̓ͪ͂͟ṫ͊͌į͌̋͗f̿͒̎̂̉̚͏ű̏ͧ̇ͧͧl̐ͫͫ̔ ẇ̧ͥ̄̿̊o̡̿r͆́̽ͣ͂̄̿d̓̇͌̎̃ş.

My shallow breath was painful, it could have s͚̳͈̪͙t̯o̗̣͉̖p̖̖͈͔̦͞ ̻̜̪̬̤̜͇a̡͓̣͈͍͙̤n҉̱̣̜̱͔̜y̻͎͈̞͎̳ ̘̜͙̥͎͟m̷͓͖͍̬̳̠i̝n͙̻͇̭u̼̯̪͚̳t̗e from now. 

Even a̛ ̅̌̚h̓͂ͫ̿ͪ͢e̅ͩ͜a̴ͫľ̉̅̃ͯ̽̌eͤ͐ͫͧͤ̄̓ṙ̀͊ ͯ̃̽́cͤ̕o͐̓̋ͬ̒ͬu̢ͥ́ͧ̈͌͊l͛̉̉͛̌͗̏dͦ̔ͫ͟ǹ͟'ͯ͐ͨ̾ͧt̾ heal herself. 

How pathetic.

I closed my eyes, drowning myself in r͙̗͍̰̪̝̲͘e̬͇̦͎̱̓̐m͓̺̞̖̮̩ͪ̇͛̅͂̒i̞̯͔̜͓̲̔̓̽͐́͋n̪̱͔͍ͨ͆ͯ̐ī̷̝̟͔͈̓ͩs̮̙͙̆͠c̮͈̪͕̜e̿n̼͗͑ͩ̀ͤ͆͘c̦̩ͩ̆ͦͣ̅̿̇ͅe͠.͈̜ͩ̂͊̓ͮ͑͌

Ü̪͉̠͓̮̤͎̅̇n̔ͤ͊̄ͫ͊tͨ̃̋͏̭̜̝ī̴̅l̡͖̭̜̰̮̞ͥͤ ̖̠͉̯̝̰̳̈ͫ̆̀͒̔̚I̍̾ͩ̒́҉̪͉̳͓̫ ̸̔ḍ̙͍̙̲̞̰͒ͬͭe̷p͓̆̊͗̌a̝̦̺̼̗ͅrͥt̯͙̰͟ ̱f̶̫͙̳̫̼̬́r̴̓̑͆͌͒ͪö̶̼͎͕̦̲ͥ̿ͥͤͧ̆m̳̫͖̤̒̆ ̼̲͑͂ͧ̊͋͢t͓ͪ̎͆ͩͬ̽͋h̸͕̺͓̘ḯ̦̿ͮ̚s͚̩͇̣̭̠͈̊̓͆̔ ͕͈̫̟͌͋r̳̖͛̿͝e̻̯ͬ̾ḁ̙̳̬̺̺͇ͨͥl̡̠͔m̯͋̃̏̋ͨ̊.̵̳̖̋ͧ̎̄̀͗ͧͅ 

* * *

The End:

v[A]in struggle

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this fanfic will have multiple ending with one true ending.
> 
> Doesn't mean that every ending will have the branch story, it's just similar with the concept of another game of SE called NieR (NieR Automata if anyone more familiar with that name instead).
> 
> Welcome to Ending A.


	5. Dream and Stranger

**CHAPTER 5**

* * *

I saw the bullet penetrated my shoulder, letting the b̸̟̪̞̺̫l̡̨̺͓̤̙͈͉̟̖o̵̦͚͉̝̟͇o͏̘̗̥̦͕̜d̪̹̞͖͎̹ ̳͞flowing from the hole it created.

I saw my chest being s̡̊͂ͮt̐ͭ̓́̋ͧ̾̕a̡̿͊̀̏ͧ͗ͫ͟͠b̏̐ͨ̈̆̉̄ͤb̧͊̽ͦ̋ͨ͑͒ē̢̛̊ͩ̏̓ͯ͆ͥͯd͛ͩ̒̎ ̡̡ͯͣͫͧ̃by a mighty sword, and  at the next moment I found myself falling to the ground.

I saw the fire surrounding me, b̡̲̭͉͝u̢̬̰̝͉͢r̨̛̟͖̦n̶̬̺͚̜̤̲̜̙͉i̸͍̳̟ṋ͇̯͍̫͙̬͔͝g̛͉̺͚͜͞ ̴̫̘̜̰̲my body to the ashes  while I screamed from the scorching pain . 

But for the next moment, I  opened my eyes and  gasped, trying to fill  every corner of  my lungs with the air. My chest was so tight, as if being pressed by a ton of weight  which tried to crush my bone . I could feel the pain on my shoulder, on my arms, on my legs, and all over my body. The room was filled with my heavy pants, as I tried to catch my breath.

In a confused state,  I looked at my surroundings. It was my room. My usual working desk, with the usual clutter on it. The unmoving wardrobe, the clean floor, and the unstained wall then came into my vision. I looked out toward the window,  frowning in perplexion as I saw that  there was no commotion outside. It was the same peaceful Insomnia just like the days before.

_ It was… a dream?  _

Every breath I made was like the torment even though I starved for the air. I struggled to fetch a deep sigh, as if the air refused to  enter my lungs. My head was spinning, it was heavy, burdened by the thought of a nightmare I just saw.

I closed my eyes, trying to remember every detail of those frightening dreams. However, no matter how much I tried, it only slowly disappeared from my memories, erased and faded with no single trace.

Suddenly a light sound startled me, as the phone I placed on the bedside table was vibrating. I gave off a sigh, wiped the sweat all over my face then took the phone.

I could feel a glimpse of happiness as I read the name displayed on it. 

_ Ignis Scientia. _

By just reading those two words, I was saved from all of the agony that was torturing me a moment before.

There were three messages from the royal adviser who was on his journey with the prince and his two other brothers to Altissia. 

I missed him, and even though he had just called me the night before, it was not a lie that I really wanted to see him. However, I should be grateful enough for the messages. 

_ 07:03 Good morning. We will depart from Hammerhead in a few next minutes. _

_ O͜͜n̴͡ly ͡t͏h̶e ̶w͝or̴͝͡d͜͟s ̸̢f̧ŗ͘o̡͜m ̛͢͝y̷̕o̷ư̢ _

_ 10:27 Lady Eira, are you still sleeping? _

_ 13:41 A lady is not supposed to sleep until this late, is she?  _

I blinked in surprise after I saw the time of his last message. I looked at the upper left corner of my phone, indeed, it was almost 2 p.m. and I just woke up. 

_ 13:47 ( ⊙᎑⊙ ) _

I sent the message then rushed  to the bathroom, planning to  clean myself. I giggled for imagining how he  would react to the message.  I imagined the frown marred his handsome visage upon seeing my message, he would tilt his head and press his thumb on his chin. I really wanted to see it, but unfortunately it was impossible.

I was staggering as I dragged my feet since the pressure in my head was still there. I bit my lower lips as I moved since the pain from the nightmare still lingered in my body, even though all of it was not real.

However, just a few words from him  was already enough to ease my distress.  I smiled unwittingly as I entered the shower room, hoping that the cold water could lift the unpleasant feelings that still haunted me.

_ W̧͠e̡͘r͟e̕͡ ̵̵̨e̛n͢͝ou͠g̶h̴̴ ̴̧t҉̵o ̡͏͢m̶a̵ke̴̕ ̸me ͟h̡̕a̶̕pp͘͟y _

* * *

  
  


I sat on the sofa in the living room after I finished the late lunch prepared by Lelia. The ache in my head didn't seem to disappear even after I cast the healing spell on me. Hence, I decided not to go to the citadel and took a sick leave today. A healer who couldn’t heal herself. _Irony._

"Lady Eira, your face is still pale." 

I turned my head toward Lelia who was standing next to me. A visible frown marred her face as she showed her concern to me.

I felt that I had lost my strength. Didn’t expect a mere nightmare would give a great impact on me. I rarely got a headache, and when I suffered one, usually I could heal myself in a second. But not this time, it felt weird, even my magic didn’t have any significant effect on how many times I cast it on my head. Yes, it eased the throbbing pain a little, but not entirely wiped it away. 

Perhaps, the overwork finally took effect on my body. I didn’t have much sleep recently, spending almost all of my time either in hospital or citadel infirmary, and when I returned back home, I would read some documents or think about my potion research.

"I know…  That’s why I took a sick leave today." I lifted the corner of my lips, smiling weakly to Lelia before taking the remote from the coffee table in front of me. Pressing the button, I turned on the tv which was currently showing the live report of the treaty that would be held a few minutes from this moment.

Right, it was today. How could I forget it?

"Lelia," I patted the seat next to me,  asking her to sit there and accompanying me. We used to watch tv together since I was child. I could say that she had become an older sister figure for me. We loved doing things together; cooking, shopping, going to the cinema, anything. I trusted her enough for me to tell her all of my problems, my worries, and— _ ahem _ —my love story with the royal adviser.

However, she always refused to call me by only my name and to throw away the  _ Lady _ -thing before my name. I didn’t like any formality, to be honest. However, I should respect her decision, since she said that it was a matter of habit and the form of her professionality. 

"All right."  A smile passed over her sweet visage as she  followed my request then watched the news with me.  "Sir William is attending the treaty right?" 

"Yes, he is. I wonder if he can maintain his composure. Dad hates Aldercapt,” I chuckled, remembering his complaint a few days before when we had dinner together at home. My father never agreed about the treaty, always suspicious about the sudden offer from the Niflheim. However, the King had decided, and even though my father was a member of the royal council, he couldn’t dispute the King’s decision. Also, most of the royal council members agreed with that decision.

“Didn’t mean to overhear, but I remember it.”

“Well, who doesn’t hate Aldercapt?” 

“Right.”

I glanced at my phone  the moment my small chatter with Lelia met an end , there was no sign that Ignis replied to my text. He must be driving the  _ Regalia.  _

I gave a slight smile, remembering how he said that it was positively terrifying when the prince sat on the driver’s seat and started driving, or how he was shrouded in anxiety when Prompto drove carelessly the first time they left the Crown City.  He swore not to let them touch the steering wheel anymore, but sometimes the prince wanted to drive, and the kind advisor couldn’t just refuse his brother’s request.

I leaned my back against the sofa backrest, crossing my arms, and staring at the TV across the room.  Seeing news was not my favorite activity. But, it was an important event, and I thought that I shouldn’t miss it. Perhaps, I could see my father’s figure on the tv, seeing how annoyed his face would be as he saw the emperor.

I tried to be positive, but somehow I was not feeling good right now.  The view in front of me did seem familiar as if I had seen it before. 

Something was wrong, and in sudden I felt like being engulfed in fear. I was afraid. I was anxious. I just… didn’t want it to happen.

_ “The treaty is now on table. The countdown begins to this historical moment.” _

My chest tightened as I saw  the monitor was displaying a treaty paper which had been placed on the desk in front of the king of Lucis and the emperor of Niflheim. 

I was shrouded in dread, and at the same time my head was throbbing in greater pain, much worse than before. It was not good. It clearly was a bad premonition.

In a sudden, the view on the monitor  was obstructed by blinding flash and stopped just like that. In the next second, the deafening blast filled the air, and at this exact moment what I could feel was only fear.

I widened my eyes in aghast, quickly raised from my seat then strode toward the window. 

"Did you hear that?!" I drew the curtain aside, clearing the view as I looked outside. There was indeed a puff of smoke from the citadel.

I felt the sting of  greater  fear in my chest. The overwhelming dread clouded my mind.  I recollected the hazy memories from my nightmare. I prayed it was not real. I prayed all of this was just another nightmare. What I needed to do was only to wake up. To wake up...

My feet brought me to my room on the second floor unconsciously. Rushing my way to the veranda and what came into my vision was  the terror from the center of Insomnia.

The Niflheim fleet roamed the sky,  and I saw few of them dropped their troops to the ground.  One of the airships flew not far from my house, deploying dozens of full-armed soldiers who were ready to kill anyone in sight.

I averted my gaze to the sky when  a straight line  of light  came  out  from the citadel, flying to the sky, and destroying the wall that protected the whole city.

I cursed and rushed to my wardrobe, took a handgun and a dagger  from inside  then seathed them in my leg holster before taking the rifle and  sprinted  back to the veranda.

I knew this feeling.  I remembered killing the Niflheim soldier in my eerie dream. For many times, for a dozen times.

I was shivering,  my heart was beating in tumultuous thudding. I could even hear the throbbing from the vein in my neck. I could even feel the rapid beating from my chest. T he fear shrouded my mind as I never stepped foot in the midst of the war. 

I aimed the rifle at the imperial soldier that was shooting the houses nearby.  But  my hands were quivering, making it hard to aim at them.

The real thing was really different from the training.  What was in front of me in shooting range never tried to shoot me, never tried to kill me. I wouldn’t need to run for my life. I wouldn’t need to hide to prevent someone from killing me.

But now, failure means death. If I missed my aim, they would know my position and killed me in a mere second.

I should calm myself. Closing my eyes, taking a deep breath, and then suddenly an unknown memory had emerged from nowhere. 

I saw a figure of a w̗͍̤̪̠ͫ͊ǫ͉̭̠̠̲̖̈̄̀ͣ̚͝m̻̦̅͋̑̄̋ͭ̕a̶͎ͭ͌͑̇̄̂͊͋͜͞n̬ͫ͗̍̈̍̃͂, a familiar w̦̼͙̽͐̾ͮ̾ŏ̷̈́̾͊҉̖m̲̖̭͚̮͇͕̓̀͑̇ͨͮ̓͝ͅa̪͓̓̋ͤͫ̏̈́ͯ̒͝n̢̟̬͙ͤ even though I couldn’t see her face nor recall her name. She told me to grip my rifle, she told me to stand up, she told me not to be afraid. She smiled at me… She caressed my head tenderly…

She was…̦̻̱̜̜͍͖͍̪̤ͭ̒̓ͫ͂ͬ̃̓̍̎̏ͧ͘͠ͅ ̽̌̅̍̃͏͇͎͔̜̰̠ ̷̶̱̦̟̤̮̯̪͈͚̥̬̓͑͗̀̌͌́͂ͮͩ͂̕̕͞ͅ ̶̢̧̖̗̞̗̰̣̙̻̾ͭ̿̋̋̅̈͗̋ͯ̇̉̿̔̇̚͟ ̤̼̳̫̱͉̗͎͈͌̓̂͋ͤ̚͝ͅͅ ̸̧̯̻̞͎͔̻̠̬͙͖̣͖͒́͂ͦ͌̏ͦͭ̎ͨͯ͐ͫ̔̋͌̉̚͟͠ͅ ̼͍̹̫̯͚̫͕̠̗͓̗̳̙͕͇̖̫̒͊ͯͫ̇̕͢ ̡̧͚͚͖̘̱̳̭̤̟̮͙̭͍ͤ̉̂̽̓̾ͫ̿͛͒͊͋ͤ̽̾̚ͅ ̶̆ͪͥ̽̃̇̋̄͐͐ͭ̏ͤ҉̳̙̩̹

Who…?

Who was she?

I abruptly opened my eyes, frowned when I got the same headache just like when I woke up from my nightmare. I shook my head, taking a long deep breath and trying to regain my composure. 

It was not the time to drown in illusion.

Forming a stance, I aimed at the infantryman who dashed toward my house.

_ One… _

I bit the inner side of my mouth as I pulled the trigger. Flinching slightly because of the recoil, I knew that my stance was not a good one.

_ I was a medic, my hand was not supposed to take anyone's soul.  _

_ Two… _

I took down the other one behind him.  Its body sparked when the bullet penetrated its head. I remembered it, it was a magitek soldier. They were not human. 

_ But I was t̴͠r̶̵͡a͜i͘͝n̷͜ed̕ ̡̧for this.  _

_ Three… _

I killed the one who tried to shoot me.  Luck was on my side because I noticed it.

_ I must not be afraid. _

"Lady Eira…" Lelia called my name from behind.  Her voice was quivering. Who wouldn’t? All of the peace we had now being snatched from us. We were going to be killed. 

"Search my father's car key! I'll take down them all. We're leaving this city."

* * *

It was already five hours after Lelia drove the car leaving the  crumbling  city  of Insomnia .  There were no cars following, nor any in front of me. We had no time to rescue anyone on our way. We were too afraid to do anything and what we could do was fleeing, egotistically saving our own lives.

The vast sky was now painted by the darkness, embellished by thousands of stars which sparkled from afar. However, I had no time to even appreciate its beauty  since the perilous night told us another grim story.

There was no wall from the king that protected us anymore from the daemon—the outside of Crown City had never been protected by the king’s blessing since three decades ago, though. I had lost almost all of my ammo, it was my last magazine, and if we encountered any other daemon, I doubted we could make it.

That was why we needed to find a nearest haven as soon as possible where we could save ourselves from those monsters since the haven was being protected by the rune with oracle’s blessing. But unfortunately, we hadn’t found one yet.

I almost bumped into the dashboard when  Lelia slammed on her brake abruptly to  avoid a giant hand that was emerging from the ground a few feet in front of us . I widened my eyes in fright as the giant body slowly arised from the thick darkness and roared in an eerie monstrous cry which sent the chill down my spine.

"No! Lelia! Do not stop!"  begging the auburn-haired woman on my left side,  I raised my rifle then focused my aim to the red giant which was holding an enormous sword and  ready to sway it onto our car.

"I'm trying!" She steered the wheel backward, and then turned it to the right, speeding up the car through the roadside.

I pulled my head out from the car window and shot the giant right on its head.  Of course it wouldn’t kill it in one shot but at least i t stopped its movement f or a while,  even though  for the next moment it kept chasing us. Gladly, its big body did seem to prevent it from speeding up its steps t hus it failed to follow us.

"Lady Eira,  l think  there's a haven nearby." 

Sitting back properly in the car, I turned my head to follow her gaze, seeing a faint dancing blue from afar. It was a relief as we were moving closer to its way. Finally we could take a rest, waiting for the dawn before evacuating ourselves somewhere safer than the haven. 

"Yes. Let's stop there!"  I exclaimed, which then was replied by a nod from Lelia who sped up the car to reach our destination.

We left our car on the sideroad then sprinting our way toward the haven. The roar of the daemon could be heard all around us, but that was the more reason not to slow down our pace.  I didn’t dare to look at my surroundings, focusing my sight only to the higher stone that emitted the soft blue light.

I threw myself as soon as my feet stepped on the glowing blue circle written at the top of the solid and hard rock.  Lying down on my back, I put my gaze to the starry sky above. My chest heaved as I quenched my thirst of air, filling my aching lungs with the cold and dusty air of Leide. Few coughs escaped my throat, letting me know that my chest was screaming in pain.

I threw the rifle aside and covered my face with both of my hands. My lips parted open as I tried to scream. But, what  escaped  my  throat  was only a silence. 

The beads of water traced down my cheeks, unstoppable, irrepressible. Like the rainfall, the tears drenched my skin, trailing down to my chin  before falling to the ground .

I was broken, it seemed like my soul was tearing apart. The ache in my heart was unbearable, yet my cry was inconspicuous. My scream was meaningless. It wouldn't change everything. It wouldn't revive my father. It wouldn't turn back the time and stop the calamity.

I fled, leaving the corpse of my father in the citadel. I ran, saving my own life without helping anyone else. I survived, while seeing those people in Crown City dying one by one in front of my eyes. I was a medic, but I fled. I escaped without healing anyone. I left my friends behind. I abandoned my duty as the healer of crownsguard.

I cried, even though I knew that crying would never bring everything back. 

My grief was like an eternity, until there were no more tears left to spill down, leaving me in a devastated state, in the emptiness without an end.

I took a deep breath then opened my eyes. The stars were still there, flickering in the darkness, spreading endlessly in the vast sky.

I blankly looked at the scene in front of me. I never felt this empty before. My heart already turned into a void. I let my mind wander off, dazing in the emptiness, and  drowning in the silence.

But then  I flinched when a soft hand caressed my head in a sudden. It was a familiar and nostalgic touch which then calmed my heart.

Shutting my eyelids, I let the hand keep caressing my head, tenderly, in affectionate warmth. I didn’t know what was happening. I thought that I was imagining things. I was sure that Lelia had fainted soon after we arrived in this haven.

Then, who?

I opened my eyes in haste, lifting my head to see an unknown figure next to me. It was a woman. But her face was veiled in the darkness, so that I couldn't see her clearly.  At this exact moment, I wasn’t sure whether I was dreaming or not.

"Eira…" her soft voice was calling my name,  and it was unknowingly familiar… I wondered why...

"Who are...?" I rose up to sit, surprised that she knew my name.  Was she a refugee from the Crown City? I didn’t recognize her… Probably, she was someone who worked in the citadel? Or hospital? I didn’t know… It was too dark, I couldn’t see her face clearly.

"You're alive." She moved her body closer, pulling me inside her embrace. She put my head on her chest, placing her chin on the top of my head while tightening her embrace.

Frowning, I didn’t understand what was happening. I definitely didn’t know this woman, but she knew my name, she hugged me, she was… happy knowing that I was… alive?

The dim light from the blue circle at the haven reflected on her skin. I gasped, startled as I looked at  the blood escaping from the scars all over her hands, as if  she had been  sliced by hundred swords.

"Ma'am, you're wounded!" I moved my body, struggled to free myself from the arms she circled around my back.

"It's fine…" but she tightened her embrace instead. "I don't want to lose you anymore…"

I frowned  more , and didn't understand why she said those words on me. I didn't know her, there were no traces of her in my memories. However my chest was heavy as I heard her voice. 

I didn’t know her...

"Ma'am… I don't know you…" 

"Eira…" She caressed my head  for once again. I didn’t understand why she didn’t explain anything to me. I didn’t understand why I knew nothing about her.

"How could you know my name?"  I asked with my brittle voice. There was something peculiar in my heart. An unexplainable feeling, but I was sure that it was the one of … sadness.

"I'm glad you're alive." She pulled her face, staring at me a t last . Her hands caressed my cheeks, leaving the blood stain on it. Her lips were curved into a smile, but her black eyes emitting a sadness glow  from beneath .

I widened my eyes when a line of blood streamed down from her lips, her left eye, and lastly, from her right eye.

"Ma'am?! What?! Y-you're bleeding! Let me… let me heal you…" I moved my hand in haste, trying to form a circle on her face. 

I shivered, quivering  in dread , trembling  in fright . I was afraid seeing how much blood she lost. And from the deepest part of my heart, I knew that I couldn't lose her.

I couldn’t lose her.

I didn’t want her to leave me.

Yet, her frail hand stopped me. She shook her head weakly and she gave a faint and pure smile afterwards.

"I love you…"

"No! No! Don't leave me! No! NO!"  I didn’t know why I was frantically yelling like that. I couldn’t think straight. I was too afraid to find out why. I was unable to find out why.

She fell weakly to the ground. Her breath was short and shallow. But I didn’t want to give up and drew a circle on her chest, casting a healing spell to save her life. 

I begged her not to leave me. Kept asking her to open her eyes, pleading so she wouldn’t drown in her slumber.

Once, twice, ten times, hundred times,  I chanted the spells many times. Drawing the circles with my trembling hands, murmuring the incantation with my quivering lips, I tried, I tried, I tried, but nothing worked.

Until I could see nothing but the dark, until I could hear nothing but the silence.

I used all of my strength, all of my lifetime knowledge, for a sole purpose. To save her. To save a stranger.

But I had lost.

The last thing I remembered was the cold ground as my body crashed on it.

And the last thing I saw was endless darkness, before my consciousness slowly fading away.

* * *

I stared blankly to the wasteland surrounding the long empty road. My arms were no longer gripping the rifle, but a peculiar grimoire. 

My mind was flying to the memory from last night.  Trying to figure out who was that woman, but  no matter I asked myself, the answer never came.

Lelia said that she fainted as soon as we arrived at that haven, so that she didn't notice any other presence beside the two of us.

Yet, this blood stained book was a solid proof, that the woman was real. Her soft voice, her gentle gaze, and her cold embrace— it was real.

I woke up with this book in my arms and the blood stain on my cheeks, my hands, and my dress. She was not a mere illusion, not an imaginary existence I created in my head.  But she had disappeared when I opened my eyes and I started to doubt myself, since I didn’t know whether it was a dream or a reality.

It was not a long drive until we arrived at Hammerhead. Lelia parked the car and we walked out toward the caravan in front of the restaurant on the west  side of the area.

I took the phone from my waist bag and looked at its black screen as soon as we stepped inside the tiny compartment. Of course, it ran out the battery. I plugged the charger and proceeded to the shower room, wishing that the water could cleanse the sorrow that smeared my soul, and the misery that stained my mind.

Lelia gave me a new pair of clothes she got from the shop near the garage, a simple t-shirt and short denim pants. I gave her a weak gratitude smile then she disappeared into the shower room. 

I turned on my phone and it started to ring for many times, receiving dozens of messages and notifications of a lot of missed calls. The sadness I suppressed came over, approaching me for one more time. A single drop of tears rolled down on my cheek as I started to read it one by one.

_ 18:31 What's with that emoticon? Arrived in galdin quay safely. _

_ 19:02 Still working? How's the treaty? _

_ 21:43 Do not overwork, milady. _

_ 23:16 You sleep? _

_ 06:03 Eira, please pick up. _

_ 06:05 Please pick up your phone _

_ 06:08 Please answer _

_ 06:13 Answer me _

_ 06:16 Please _

_ 06:21 I beg you _

_ 07:11 We're leaving to Insomnia _

_ 07:12 Please be safe _

_ B͡҉ut҉̧͏ ̶͡͝I҉̛ ͠w͟i͡͠l̵̶̴l̡ ̢̧͠no̶͟t͢ ͝͠be̸ ̨h̕͞҉e̸͟͏re̸͢ ҉̡͟an͠͏y͜m̢͟or̨͡e̡͘.̛͠ _

I looked at the clock displayed on my phone, it was 12:01.  Flicking my fingers on the touch screen monitor, I quickly pressed the dial button.

I missed him, I really wanted to meet him, hearing his voice and looking for comfort from his warmth. I was afraid, and now, seeing the message from him stating that he was going to Insomnia just made the fear grow stronger in my chest.

But he didn’t pick my call, and still like that after I called him three times, thus I decided to send a message about my whereabouts and the prayer of his safety. 

Sighing, I tried to calm my mind, assuring myself that Ignis was okay. Probably, he was driving. Perhaps, he was on the battlefield right now. It was okay. I knew he was strong, the royal shield was with him, Prompto was good enough with his firearms, and even though the prince was like that, he was strong enough, I was sure. They wouldn’t be defeated easily by the imperial soldiers.

I turned the radio  on the table inside the caravan , thirsty for the information of Insomnia. Even though I knew that I would not be greeted by any good news in the midst of this chaos.

"As to ceasefire discussion between the two nations, all provisional terms have been suspended in light of recent development. Moreover, in the wake of the news of the King Regis's death, we've received word that Crown Prince Noctis and Oracle Lunafreya have also been pronounced dead."

I slammed the power button of the radio, i nfuriated by the news I just heard. Dead? Noctis? Definitely, I couldn’t trust the news anymore.

Picking my phone, I tried to call Ignis for once again, frustrated to hear the truth from him, and wishing that he would deny the news I had just heard. But now, the operator said that the number was currently unavailable.

I clenched my teeth, closed my eyelids to regain my composure before sending another message to Ignis, asking him to call me and confirming the news I just heard.

_ Oh the Astral… please… protect them... _

* * *

The meal in front of me was tasteless. I couldn't smell its aroma, I couldn't taste its flavour. Perhaps, it was due to the void scar that engraved in my heart, that it made me unable to sense  anything. I wondered who on earth was capable of eating in delight after losing her father, her hometown, her place to return to, though? I didn’t even have any appetite to eat, but if it was not because of Lelia, I was sure that I wouldn’t eat anything today.

After lunch, I sat on the chair outside the caravan, wondering what I should do now while waiting for any call or messages from Ignis. I was too exhausted and ended up drowning in reverie, unable to think clearly while gazing aimlessly to the scenery in front of me.

It was around three p.m. when three cars arrived at the Hammerhead.  I recognized those vehicles, then blinked for a few times when I saw a familiar figure dashed out from one of the cars, striding toward the garage as he ignored the  downpouring rain from the grey sky above us.  It was Cor Leonis, the marshal of the Crownsguard.

I left my seat, scurrying my way toward the brown-haired man and called him with my hoarse voice. “Marshal!” 

"Eira." The marshal halted his feet and turned around to see me. "Glad seeing you safe."

He lifted up the corner of his lips slightly, probably he was smiling, or rather forced himself to smile. The pair of his lustrous blue eyes emitted the sadness as he looked at me even though he seemingly tried to hide it. 

I asked him a lot of questions, and he kindly told me anything he knew. He told me the King had perished. He told me that the news I heard a few hours ago was a fake one and the prince was still alive. 

I sighed, relieved by the information I got from the marshal. At least, I knew that Ignis and others were still alive and they were going to meet with the marshal after this.

“Eira…”

I raised my head when the man called for my name. He stared at me for a few seconds before looking down to the ground. I saw how the man clenched his slightly trembling fists, perhaps he was struggling to hold his emotion. 

He had lost his King, his best friend. Surely, a lot of his comrades had fallen. The weight burdened his shoulders, and he couldn’t express his fragile state to anyone else. Not when he escorted the refugee and protected them from the death.

“I’m sorry I can’t protect your father…”

I quickly raised my head when he apologized to me. Looking at him in daze, I couldn’t say anything for a few seconds. I didn’t expect him to say it.

“It’s not your fault…” I shook my head weakly, forcing my smile to pass over my face. 

He didn’t talk anymore and there was an awkward silence in the air. I rarely talked to him—only for a few times when I treated his wounds in citadel infirmary and it was not much. And definitely this situation was rather uncomfortable for me.

“Are you okay, Marshal? I mean… Did you get hurt or injured? I can heal it for you…” I decided to ask about his condition instead, observing his exhausted figure as I tried to find any wounds on him.

“I’m fine.” he shook his head then turned his head toward the two cars behind his own car. Following his gaze, I noticed that there were few people inside, ranging from children, adults, and some of them were over sixty I guessed.  The gloom and exhaust were written on their face, I wondered whether they were injured.

“ Actually, I have a request for you. I'm sorry in this kind of situation I…"

"No… it's fine. I'll do anything to help."  I shook my head, quickly interrupting his sentence.

Giving a faint smile, the marshal continuing his request.  "There were few injured refugees in the car. I would be glad if you don't mind joining them to Lestallum and treating them. It should be safe for you too, staying there with others." 

"No, I don’t mind. I'll be glad to help."

* * *

That night, I spent my time in the Longwythe Rest Area Motel— as suggested by Marshal since it was already too late to go to Lestallum, the road at night was perilous, and it was better to take a rest before continuing our journey . 

Helping the evacuees occupied my mind. I could bury the fact that I had just lost my home and my father. 

I wished that it was merely a dream. I wished the illusion of the peace inside the wall would never end. Like what we had, like what we received all of this time, from the king.

It was after I finished treating the injured refugees, when I threw myself on a worn sofa in my room. I took the phone from my denim pocket, hoping there were some messages from Ignis.

A little smile formed  on my face when I saw his name written on the display.

_ 21:02 I’m glad you’re safe. Went to Hammerhead this evening, but you’ve left already. Noctis is fine, and so the others. We’re going to meet Marshal now.  _ _ I’m sorry I can’t call you, yet. _

It was almost one hour ago.

_ B̸̨u̡͟҉t͘ ͡y̴̕͞ou ͞w͟i̵͘ļļ̧͢ ̵̛͜n̸̡̢o͡t̸͢͠ b͡ȩ̕ ͜͜hę̛r̕͜͡e̵͘͡ ͟͏f̕̕o̴͘r̛͠ ̢͡m͟͞e͞ a͡n̴͘͡y͢mo̶̧͟r̛͞e̢.̡ _

I sighed and  replied to his message.

_ 21:58 I pray for your safety. I will wait for you in Lestallum. _

Right after I sent the message, someone knocked on the door.  Frowning slightly,  I raised from my seat and walked to open the door.

It was Iris Amicitia. She lifted her head to look at me soon as I opened the door. Her slender arms were holding a tray with two mugs on it.

“I bring hot tea. Would you mind drinking it with me?”  she smiled, raising the tray slightly for me to notice it.

“Thank you. Come in, Iris.” I took the tray from her hands and threw a smile at her. We then sat on the sofa and took each mug from the tray. She held the mug, and looked down at it. 

“I’m sorry to disturb your rest… but… I… it’s reassuring to know that, there’s someone else I recognize in this kind of situation.” her smile then disappeared from her tiny face, as she started to bite her lower lips. She didn’t even take a sip on her tea, meanwhile the tears welled up behind her eyelids, ready to slip down toward her cheek.

I placed my tea mug back on the table,  leaving my seat then kneeling in front of the daughter of Amicitia. 

Clarus Amicitia—he would never leave the king's side. King's death means that his royal shield also lost his life.  She had lost her father, just like me. 

It was torturing, losing your own father, without being able to see him for the last time. And we were forced to abandon their remains, without having any proper funeral. It was… unbearable...

I took the mug from her hands then placed it carefully on the table. I held both of her slender hands, clasping them between my palms.

“I don’t want to cry in front of them... I just want to show my smile at them... Especially to that person… My cry will just burden him more and more...“

“Then cry here…”  I asked her to cry, but I knew that I also wanted to cry… Even though I tried hard to hold it in front of her.

“Is it okay for me to cry?” she lifted her head, struggling to form a smile on her face, yet, the beads of tears had already formed a line on her left cheek.

"Of course." I nodded, struggling not to let my own tears flowing from the corner of my eyelids.

"You promise to keep it a secret?" 

She tried to build a wall, to prevent all of the sadness flowing from her eyes.

“Not a single soul.”

“Just this time… Just this one time and I’ll promise to show only my laughter…" 

...but in the end, she was only a frail human.

"I wish by doing so, they will show me their smile too…" 

Like a rainfall, the tears streaming down her cheeks. She must be holding it since the first time that tragedy befell. Burdened by the name of Amicitia, she must be thinking that she couldn't show her weakness to the people around her, afraid that her tears would bring those wounded hearts falling to the  bottomless abyss of the vain.

I hugged Iris while she was sobbing and I  gently  caressed her trembling back. My heart ached hearing her lament, her cries, her sorrow. She tried her best not to scream, she tried her best to only let out a silent grief. And I could do nothing but let the girl's tears drenched my clothes. 

I wished... I had a power to heal people's sorrow, to ease the pain in their heart, and to lift them from the bottom of hopelessness.


	6. A Grimoire and A Fleeting Moment

**CHAPTER 6**

* * *

Lelia was born in Lestallum, but she left for the crown city in her twenties, because her dream was to be a chef at the five star hotel in Insomnia. Unfortunately, she always failed at the screening, due to her anxiety. Even though she had the required skill to achieve her  dream .

One night, she was at a bar, venting her failure when a man  who was sitting next to her offered the position as a chef in his house. The man was my father.  And that was why Lelia worked at my home. 

Soon after we arrived in Lestallum, Lelia sped up her steps, eagerly pulling my hand toward the house she had never seen anymore since years ago. She asked me to stay in her house, but I refused her, saying that I needed the time alone and decided to stay in _ the Leville _ . She was reluctant at first, but after I said that I will stay there after I calmed myself, her face was painted in a joyous spark. She escorted me until the Leville, then excused herself after I entered my room.

Even after I spent my first night here drowning in tears, even after I tried to distract it by helping other refugees from the dawn until the sun set in the horizon, the devastation still lingered here.

The only family I had was no longer here, not even his remains, no funeral, no grave. 

I couldn't even remember what the last words I said to him were. I wonder if all of this time, I just made him disappointed? Did I make him proud enough? Did I make him happy?

There  would be no more his smile from the entrance door, bringing a box of presents at my birthday. There  would be no more unfunny joke he threw at our dinner. There  would be no more scolding from him when I disobeyed his words.

He said that he would be standing next to me, and walked me down the aisle, bringing his daughter to his soon to be son-in-law in the wedding ceremony. He said that he couldn't wait to see me in a white dress, holding a bouquet of flowers, and exchanging the vow with Ignis. 

He placed a big hope on the treaty, wishing that it could end this meaningless war, hoping that I would no longer need to heal the injured Kingsglaive or Crownsguard from the war.  Even though he also doubted it until the end, which was being proved since the treaty was eventually a lie.

_ Did I say a proper gratitude when you were here? _

But he  was no longer here, not in the memory from this day.

There were no tears left, just a void. Just an endless vacant, created between the shard of my soul that stabbing me from the inside.

Whenever I tried to fill my lungs with the air, the sorrow just made it harder to breathe. As if a rope was being tied around my chest. As if my body was being drowned into the bottomless sea while my legs were tied to the shackle, preventing me from swimming up to the surface. 

Whenever I closed my eyes, the grim memories of calamity befell Insomnia was  being played. Just like a broken film, repeated over and over, showing me how much blood spilled from the innocent souls, how much scream resounded from them who spent all their might to run from the grim reaper. 

My mind then floated to the memory of that night, when I failed to save a woman in front of me. Why was it not enough? Why was the power granted to me was not enough to even save a soul? Why was I such a useless being? What was I lacking? Knowledge? Power? A will to save people?

Or simply, the fate was just cruel enough to not let me save her?

I gave a heavy sigh, ended my reverie and the grief that was suffocating me. 

My gaze fell on the grimoire in front me. I slid my finger on the leather surface of the book's cover in front of me, trailing the bronze tendril, and toward the blood stain  on it . There was a thin statue made from bronze in the middle of its cover, which looked like an eerie human face that was sleeping. I caressed its rough surface, as it gave a peculiar sense that seeped through my finger, going deeper to my mind, leaving me in the feeling of nostalgic and familiar sense.

I did try to open it before, but the cover didn't seem to let me open it. As if being locked by a transparent chain.

I closed my eyes remembering what I learned from my childhood. It was long before I was given the knowledge of healing people. The basics of magic.

I opened my eyes and created a magic circle on the grimoire, then closed my eyes for once again as I murmured the spell. It was a spell I was told when I was five, that I never used until this moment. A spell to unlock an enchanted seal.

The magic circle I created emitting a dim red glow. The gust of wind forming a circle pattern on it, giving a faint noise inside the room.

Not long after, the sound of an unlocked key was heard from the book. I looked at the floating grimoire, which then opened itself in swift movement. The pages turned over by itself, until it showed a blank page of old parchment.

_ Offer me your blood _

_ And I shall grant you the power _

The words slowly carved on the paper, written by a dark red liquid, similar to the blood.

Then it slowly disappeared, shifted into a red magic circle which I never saw before. The outer part of the circle was written in ancient yet familiar words. Parts of it were similar to the magic words I used.

I took the dagger on my desk then sliced my left arms until it formed a line that dripped a thick red liquid from the inside. I placed my hand  above the book, letting the blood slip to the middle of the magic circle.

The red glow from it was getting brighter, so bright it could blind anyone who saw it. 

I closed my eyes until the light slowly disappeared from it.

"So you're the next, huh?" an odd voice greeted me,  with an annoying yet familiar tone.

The sleeping face on the book now opened its eyes, gazing at me with its  empty  bronze eyes. The grimoire itself was now floating without the magic circles,  and  it moved itself nearing my face.

“What do you mean by the next?” I moved my body backward, giving a space between the grimoire and my face.

“Just speaking to myself.”

I knitted my eyebrows, actually curious about what he meant. The next, huh?

"What are you?" I squinted my eyes, trying to take a better look at the book that had no desire to stay still as he moved slightly to the right and left, while turning its face as if trying to observe its surroundings.

"A grimoire?" It was floating around in a carefree manner, toward the ceiling, the back of me, and then stayed above my  left shoulder.

"What of?" I frowned and followed his movement.

"Many things. I  can't remember it well."

_ Can't remember it well? Weird. _

" May I see what is written inside?" I took the grimoire with my hand, stopping it from floating in the air.

"Yes, of course. If you  can read it."

"What do you mean?"

A sudden knock disturbed our conversation. I let out a startled gasp and looked at the door.  Definitely I didn't want anyone else to see a floating book. Turning my gaze to the grimoire, I then asked,  "How to turn you off?"

"Hei?! You think I am a kind of device?" the irritated voice came out from it, then it freed itself from my grip.

I placed my gaze on it again, drew a magic circle on its cover while it was still floating, then chanted a reverse spell from the one I used to open it. Like what I expected, the grimoire then fell down to the ground, leaving a small thud as its hard cover knocked the ground.

The one beyond the door knocked the wooden surface for one more time. I hastily threw the grimoire inside the drawer before striding toward the room entrance.

That was when I noticed that the blood was still spilling from my left arm. Hurriedly, I took a tissue from the desk, wiped it and cast the healing spell on it, leaving an unnoticed thin scar after.

The door was being knocked again, as if the one behind that door was already impatient for my response. I  scurried in wide steps until my hand reached the doorknob.

Ignis was there, placing his gaze on me as soon as the door opened. His bang that usually swept up now almost covered his eyes, fell down gently on his forehead.

"Eira," his voice was so low, almost like a whisper, so miserable, as if being enveloped by the  overwhelming  sorrow. He closed the door behind, locked it then pulled me into his embrace in swift movement.

_ I ̡a̶lw̸̶a̛͟y҉s̷ ̵̛͟love ̛͟t͏̷h̕ȩ̛ ͝҉w͞a̸͘y̡ ̸̢y̸͝o̸͟͠u ͏̕͞c̕aļ̴͝l͠҉ed̛̕ ҉͢m̶͠y̢̛͞ ̢̧n͡a̕me͢͢ _

“Iggy…” I buried my face on his chest. It seemed like an eternity since the last time I felt his warmth, the heat from his broad chest, and the safe feeling he provided under those arms which wrapped around my body.

_ A͢nd̸͡ ̸th̛͟͠e w̷a̶y̛͢͝ ̡yo̧͞u͝ pulle͏d ̕͢͜me̷ ̕͟in̨ ͘yo̧u͜͠r̡̛ ͟em̵br̷a̸̡̛c͘e͢ _

His presence was able to restore the color of my life, when the past three days were only painted in the monochrome. His heartbeat was able to pull me from the bottomless abyss of despair, and by hearing it, knowing that he was still alive, it was suffice to make me grasp the light within. His body let out a refreshing scent, a mixture of limes and lilies, bringing me to the serenity  as it swept  away my  sorrow .

The world around us melted away, as we drowned deeper inside each other's comfort. We let the quietness enveloped us, and the only one who let out a sound was a ticking clock on the wall. His firm hand then moving toward my head, caressing it as if trying to offer the solace, easing the pain from my soul. I closed my eyes, appreciating every touch that washed away the grief that was gnawing me from beneath. He was indeed the comfort I seek in the middle of this suffocating torment.

“You’ll never know how much I suffered by being unable to hear your voice,” his voice was trembling, it felt as if he tried to hold the burst of emotion that struggled to free itself from his  chest . He tightened his embrace, pulling me deeper into his heat.

“That was the most terrifying day for me.” He placed his chin on my forehead for a second before gazing at me. He looked at me, deeply, as if trying to read what was written in my mind.

“I couldn’t imagine how my life would be if I lost you,” his palm touched my cheek, caressing it in a gentle manner.

“Don’t leave me,” he pulled the strands of my hair and tucked it behind my ear. His thumb then gently trailing my cheek.

“You did cry a lot, huh,” it was hurting me when I saw the gloom clouded his  eyes while his thumb moved on my upper cheek, right under my left eyes. He looked at me, as if he was currently observing every curve of my face.

“I missed you.” I placed my hand on his face, caressing it in tender movement, sensing its uneven surface from the tip of my fingers. I gazed at the dirty blonde man in front of me, his hair was unkempt, yet, he was more dashing this way. Even the sorrow was unable to taint his dazzling countenance.

He took off his glasses, then brushed his lips onto mine without warning, locking it in a passionate kiss. He was not in his usual self, as he devoured me hungrily, hastily with a little trace of gentleness. He didn't give me a chance to even take a breath, not giving a pause in every movement he made.

His hand placed his glasses into my clutch, which was preventing his arms from moving as he wished. He pushed my head closer, chaining me into his fiery embrace. Not even wanting to let me go, not even wanting to let a space between our bodies. My mind was burnt in his heat, as he kept making me hover, as he let the world disappear around us. Every touch he did made my head spinning, intoxicated  me under his desire. 

He then pushed my defenseless state onto the soft mattress, snatching the glasses from my hand, throwing it on the table next to the bed then gripping my right arm in his strength. 

He inflicted the pain on me, on my lips, on my neck and on my shoulder, leaving the marks of possession on it. The one in front of me was a beast, drowning in desperation to savor the prey right under his gaze.

His emerald eyes  were burning in thirst, perhaps the burst of emotion he tried to suppress a few minutes ago already erupted and took control. He gave no mercy, not even a soft and tender warmth he usually provided.

What he wanted was me, all of me. As if trying to convince himself that I was still here, alive and breathing whilst I called his name in plea.

And what I wanted was him. All the pain he gave was proof that I could still perceive the feeling. All the pleasure he gave between those pain was proof that what he wanted was also me.

The wail of pleasure filling the room, accompanied by the unsteady and shallow breath. As he tried to fill the emptiness within me. As he tried to make me float in contentment. 

"Eira… don't leave me…"

We intertwined our fingers, not wanting to let a distance between us. And just like that we spent the night in each other's warmth. Holding hands until the dawn greeted us. 

* * *

The morning had never been this beautiful, waking up inside his embrace, greeted by the calmness of his sleeping face.  The peaceful expression he made in his sleep brought a smile on me. His steady breath was the most tranquil sound I had ever heard. I spent a minute in serenity, gazing at his thin eyebrows, his closed eyelids, his pointed nose, and downward to his enticing lips.

“Good morning,  _ milady. _ ” Ignis slowly opened his  eyes , and the smile had formed on his face.

“Good morning. Did I wake you up?” I blinked, surprised seeing him awaken from his slumber.

“Your intense gaze, indeed, woke me up,” he gave a soft chuckle then caressed my cheek. His usual tender touch was already returned as he stroked my head.

“You knew.” I pouted, being betrayed because he pretended to sleep.

“I knew.” He poked the tip of my nose with his slender forefinger. I averted my gaze, feeling annoyed because he made fun of me.

He let out a small chuckle then kissed my forehead before asking, “Still hurt?”

I glanced at him, but the memory of last night was played in my head, causing the heat gathered on my face. “A bit...”

“Sorry,” he pulled my head closer toward his chest, wrapping both of his arms around my body.

"I won't forgive you." I lifted my face then pinched his nose. "It's your fault I'll need my coat today."

"I shall take the responsibility." He moved his body, rose up then lifted my body in his arms, carrying me away from the bed.

"Iggy! Put me down!" I struggled to free myself meanwhile Ignis walked toward the bathroom with me inside his arms.

Ignis chuckled, ignoring me until we entered the shower room. Of course, I kept struggling to escape from his chaining arms but he was too strong so I gave up eventually.

He put me down after closing the door, pushed my body until my back hit the wall then planted a passionate kiss on my lips. Shutting my eyelids, I let him delve into my mouth, and twirl his tongue with mine.

Having his presence as I opened my eyes had me forget the sorrow that haunted me these past days. But I knew that he would depart again, sooner or later, with the prince and others. And when that time comes, I would be alone, by myself. That was why I should appreciate every second he spent it with me.

I shivered when his warm hand slowly caressed my neck, reaching down to my shoulder and slipping his finger on the shoulder straps of my nightgown to pull it down.

I peeked at him beneath my eyelashes when he pulled away his face as he gave an end to our kiss. “You’re going to be late…” 

Ignis softly discarded my dress until it fell softly to the floor, exposing my bare body to his vision. Another chuckle escaping his throat while he stared at me with his enchanting green eyes. 

“The prince is a sleepyhead anyway and we haven’t decided what to do next. There’s no need to rush,” he whispered, moving his head closer to my cheek.

My heart started to beat roughly when his warm breathing tickled my skin as he ghosting along his lips downward to my neck. A muffled moan escaped my throat when he kissed it, nibbling on my skin which surely had been stained by a few marks he gave to me the night before.

“Ignis,” my head was spinning when his hands explored my body, giving me the intoxicating pleasure under his touch.

I loved him. I loved the way he made me hover by his warmth. I loved the way he called my name as he pounded me with his strength. 

He made me forget anything, all of those excruciating sorrow and grief, emptying my mind while filling me only with his presence.

* * *

Prompto and Gladiolus were chatting in the hotel lobby when  Ignis and I  walked down the stairs. Prompto's laughter could be heard from the second floor as he talked to Gladio. It seemed that their conversation was so fun and hilarious.  I wondered what they were talking about.

“Ah! Eira, Iggy, Good morning!” Prompto waved his hand as soon as his eyes caught our presence. A bright smile adorned his sweet visage, and his blue eyes were gleaming in excitement.  I liked Prompto’s carefree personality, he was surely capable of bringing the sun to anyone who was with him. 

"Eira? Are you sick? You're wearing a coat... Isn't it hot today?" His question was straightforward but so pure, it made me want to bury myself beneath the deepest dungeon in Eos.  Yes, I liked his personality, but sometimes he could be so innocent and clueless. I was sure that the crimson hue had painted my cheeks, since I could feel the heat on my face.

"Ah… yes… Eira feels cold… somehow… today…" I glanced at Ignis who tried hard not to slip a chuckle from his throat  as he awkwardly explained the obvious lie to Prompto .

"Ee… So the royal medic can also get sick?" Prompto crossed his arms, tilting his head in puzzlement.

_ Oh the Six,  _ I forgot that Prompto was this innocent. His existence was so pure and unstained. I wondered whether no one taught him anything. I meant,  _ anything.  _

I glanced over to Gladiolus who seemingly held his laugh. Surely, he understood the situation and I wished that he would do something about it. 

"Oh, right! Iggy, where’ve you been by the way? You disappeared last night…" Prompto words were left unfinished since Gladio’s sturdy hand was pulling the back of Prompto’s collar, hauling the clueless blonde across the room.

"Come here, Prom,” the man with amber eyes chuckled as he glanced at me while smirking. I didn’t know whether I should be relieved or not after seeing his expression.

"Gladio, it hurts! It hurts!" Prompto wriggled, trying to free himself from the brown-haired man who had just  lightly hit his head.

Gladio then released Prompto and whispered something into his ear.  Prompto’s freckles face now being smeared by red hue and I guessed that Gladio finally taught him  _ something. _ Great, I was embarrassed. 

"W-well, well then…" Prompto’s eyes were wandering around in perplexion, it seemed that he did try to avert his gaze from both Ignis and me. He then stopped his gaze at Talcott who was running down from the stairs.

“Morning!” Talcott greeted us, with a bright smile on his tiny face.

"Ah! T-Talcott good timing!”

_ Yes,  _ Talcott, good timing.

“Let's go around Lestallum! You can guide me right?!" Prompto’s words were a bit stuttered,  and I really wanted to hide myself, returned back to my room or just ran away from this place. I glanced toward Gladio who was smirking at Prompto since he was amused seeing Prompto's reaction. 

“Fine! What do you want to see?”  grinning widely,  Talcott rushed toward Prompto.  The seven year old boy looked very happy getting the request from Prompto.

“Anything! Anything! Yes, anything! " Prompto placed both of his arms on Talcott's shoulders, pushing his small body to the inn's entrance  in an awkward manner . "Hei, Gladio! Wanna join us?!”

“Yeah, let’s go!” Gladio nodded then following his slender friend. "Excuse him, Eira," he chuckled then waved his hand, leaving the inn then disappeared between the maze-like street of Lestallum.

"Iggy… Could you do something about your friends?" I pouted, crossing my arms in front of my chest  after they left.

"I shall thoroughly educate them about manners after this."

Still pouting, I scowled at Ignis who was laughing softly at me. He then caressed my head, and I was sure that I was blushing again.

“Ah, Eira, Ignis, good morning! I think I heard others’ voices here a moment ago? Where are they?” a dulcet voice from the daughter of Amicitia startled me.  Ignis pulled his hand away from my head and we averted our gaze toward the young girl who was standing on the top of the stairs.

“They’re going for a walk with Talcott.” I raised my head toward Iris who was slowly walking down the stairs. 

“Noctis too?” she looked around, trying to find the raven-haired prince she yearned to see.

“I’m sure he’s still asleep right now,” Ignis answered, as he glanced at the watch on his left arm.  Noctis wouldn’t wake up early without an alarm, and that alarm was the royal adviser who had been with me since yesterday night and hadn’t returned to his room, yet. Prompto and Gladio surely didn’t want to spend his effort to wake the prince up. Or probably they tried but gave up at the end so they left him in his room.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Iris chuckled, raising her right arm to cover her laugh. “It’s still too early for the sleeping prince to open his eyes.”

“Then, should we take a stroll too?” I glanced at Ignis who then answered with his nod. I looked at Iris, wanting to say goodbye but then an idea struck my mind. 

“Ah, Iris, maybe you could ask Noctis to stroll around the Lestallum with you?”

“Eh?” her brown eyes were widened, and a slight red blush appeared on her cheeks.

“Everyone is busy this morning right? Don’t you think that Noctis will feel lonely if no one was there when he came down to the lobby?”

“R-right! You’re right!” she nodded in agreement, but her fiddling fingers couldn’t hide her nervousness.

“Good luck!” I waved my hand at her and giggled as I walked out from the Leville. 

“You look happy, letting Iris have a date with Noct.” Ignis walked on my right side. I lifted my head to look at him then grinning for a split second before looking down to the ground as we moved our feet.

“Well… Actually, when you think of it, it’s a bit... sad...”

“Sad?”

“Noctis will marry Lady Lunafreya, right?”

Ignis didn’t talk anymore. Perhaps, he just didn’t know how to respond. Well, that was on me, it was not his fault. I brought the topic, so I should be the one who had responsibility to change the topic. Didn't mean that the prince's wedding with the oracle was a bad thing. But, it was a pity seeing Iris and her one-sided love. Everyone knew that Iris had a crush on Noctis since she was a child. And probably, today would be her last date with Noctis. 

“So, what should we eat?”  I asked, lifting my head to see the face of the man taller than me. Curving my lips into a smile, I stared at him, waiting for his response.

Ignis blinked for a few times then tilting his head slightly, “Hmm… I’m pretty clueless here. Do you have any recommendations? Or, is there anything you want specifically?”

“Your cooking, actually.”

Ignis looked surprised with my answer, but responded in a serious manner, “So, want to buy some ingredients and…?”

“No. Such a hassle,” I cut off his questions, didn’t expect that he considered cooking for me. I giggled softly before continuing my words, “Let’s take a look around here and buy something. Perhaps, you’ll get another recipe by eating some new cuisine.” 

“Fine,  _ milady _ ,” he chuckled and fixed his glasses with his right hand.

The day was so bright when we walked on the small alleyway of Lestallum. The dazzling sun spread its warmth in every direction, adding the heat  to the city which was already hot enough because of the billowing steam from the pipes along the street. It was still eight in the morning, but I could sense my sweat dripping on my back.  Moreover, I was wearing my coat, which only added the heat to my skin.

We intertwined our fingers, as our feet trailing the maze-like city. We enjoyed our time in a light chatter within our stroll.  He told me about his journey this past few days, about the creatures he fought along the way, about how Noctis was very happy to fish in Galdin Quay, and how excited Prompto was when they found out about a Chocobo Post nearby. However, they should postpone their trip to the Chocobo Post since Gladiolus was too worried about Iris, and also, Ignis wanted to meet me as soon as possible. I felt bad with Prompto then I suggested Ignis take him to the Chocobo Post after this.

_ I̧ ̡͝w҉͜i̴͞sh͟ȩ̸͞d҉ ̷w̷̕̕e̸͘͡ ͏̶wo̸̢u̶ld n̶̶͢e̸͏̸v̡͡er͠ ̶l̵̕̕e҉͏a̸͏v͘e͏ ҉f̷̴r̵o̢̢m̶ ̢͢t̴h͞is͜ ̸m̧o҉҉m̶̡͠e̴͡n̡t.̴ _

We brought our feet to the market in Lestallum, knowing well that Ignis would love this place.  It was fun seeing how his eyes sparkled as he caught the variety of spices, or when he snapped his fingers and said that he had come up with a new recipe. His presence bringing the laughter in my world, successfully distracted me from all of my worries.

We finally decided to eat at a street vendor near the mainstreet, due to the heat I couldn’t withstand inside the city. He teased me to take off my coat, but I only replied to him with a scowl.  He was with Gladiolus for a long time so he learnt how to tease, it seemed?

Ignis suggested to go to the lookout after we finished our meal, which I agreed, assuming that it would be best to let the fresh wind to dry off my sweat .  We talked near the stone fence while appreciating the beauty of Duscae. 

He bought a can of Ebony, and I had a bottle of cold oolong tea. We sipped our favorite beverage as we were immersed in our chatter and filled the atmosphere with soft laughter between our conversation.

I enjoyed his company, observing his expression as he talked, watching his lips as he spoke, gazing at his beautiful eyes whenever he looked at me. I wished he would never leave, but I knew that I couldn’t force him to do so. Accompanying the prince was his top priority, and I didn’t want to stand in between.

“Hey you two, look here! Look here!” Prompto suddenly appeared from our behind, holding the camera which was ready to capture a picture of Ignis and me.

I stood in amaze, being told like that suddenly made me unable to strike a good pose. Ignis was worse, he was just standing  stiffly  with an awkward smile.

I looked at the camera display and laughed hard seeing the result, demanding another picture to be taken.

_ ̢͘W͜h̸̕er̡̕e͢ ̧thȩ҉ l̶au̕gh͢͝͝ ̶̕͠a͟͜n͠d̶ ҉s̷m̵̶͝i̵̕l͠e͏͠ a̴̕͜l͢͡w̸a̢҉y̡͠s ̵pa̴̛̛įn͏t̷͝e͢d͘ ̷on̛ ̨o̸u̸r̷ ̷͘͢f͢ac̴̷e͘ _

Ignis held my hand and we stood up straight, with a tiny smile on our face as the blue-eyed man pressing the shutter button, capturing our moment in this brief period of time.

At that time,  I wished this day full of smiles would never leave us. 

I prayed for these precious smiles, so it would never fade away from our life. 


	7. Curse, Spell, and Anger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning : Self -harm, but not related to suicide.

**CHAPTER 7**

* * *

The loneliness greeted me as I opened my eyelids. No one was there when I looked on my right side, no steady breathing which made me smile, nor the alluring emerald eyes which gazed at me in tenderness. The only one here was me, in this quiet and empty room, alone and being tormented by the sorrow.

 _Right_ , the royal adviser had left with the prince and the others, going to a certain waterfall in northwest to find one of the royal arms since yesterday. As busy as he was, Ignis managed to send me a few messages, and the last one was before he entered the cave beyond the waterfall. Since then, he hasn't contacted me anymore, probably still inside the dungeon or busy doing his duty, cooking, driving, anything.

A sigh escaped my lips as I turned my body, facing the window where the sun ray cascading from the gap of the curtain which gave a faint gold line to the floor. The tiny dust was floating in the air, dancing and sparkling in the narrow beam of light created by the sun. I overslept...

I shut my eyelids as I tried to inhale the humid air of Lestallum, trying to calm myself from the nightmare I just saw. The night always brought me back to the scenery where I lost everything, where the screams and cries echoed, and where I failed at saving that woman, reminding me of my worthless being. And the night always brought the fragment of my memories, about my father, his smiles, his laughs, and his warm hand when he caressed my head. However, the morning greeted me inside my mourn, reminding me that everything had already gone, leaving me in the ashes of grief and regret. 

I left _the Leville_ yesterday, keeping my promise to Lelia to stay at her house. This tiny room where I resided was the place where Lelia spent her childhood before she left for Insomnia. The room was decorated in soft pink―even though the paint on the wall was already peeling off and uncovered the white stone underneath. In the corner of the room, there was a wooden shelf filled with stuffed animals which were collected by Lelia in her childhood, surely it showed the cute side of the auburn in her past. In another corner was a small wardrobe, which was being used to keep my belongings now. This room was not even a half size of my previous bedroom in Insomnia, but it was comfortable, and I liked it better than the room in the Leville.

“Nightmare again?” an annoying voice greeted me from my left side, and its owner was a hovering grimoire.

“I forgot to lock you, huh?” I huffed as I glanced over to the creepy book. Wiping the sweat that was slipping down from my forehead, I fetched a deep breath as I tried to calm my uneasiness.

“Hey, I already said that any ordinary person won’t see me if I am in this state, didn’t I?”

I rose from the bed, dragging my feet to the small dressing table beside the wooden shelf and sat in front of it. I placed my hand on the mirror while gazing at my reflection. The grimoire was not reflected on it, maybe it really told me the truth.

“What was your name again?”

“Zeit?” it hovered to my face and then floating again to the above of my head, it was flying around the room but not too far from me. “Welt? Gott? Gestirn? Which one?” 

“Annoying,” I muttered. “Zeit. I’ll call you Zeit then.”

“The same with the previous Master, huh?” it chuckled then halted near my left shoulder.

The previous Master...

The night before I had asked the grimoire about its previous owner. But, even though I asked a dozen times, it always refused to talk. It wouldn’t give me her name, about why she knew my name, and about what happened to her. I was being haunted by the curiosity, but it wouldn’t let me have the information I desired.

“Again, why won’t you tell me about your previous Master?” placing my elbow on the dressing table, I put my chin lazyly on my palm and looked blankly at the mirror which reflected my weary face. My puffy eyelids were visible since I cried a lot— _again—_ last night until I slept, my hair was in a mess, and my eyes didn’t emit any happiness.

“Access denied.”

I squinted my eyes hearing its answer, “You were angry when I treated you like a device, but what’s with that response?”

“Ah… Yes, that night... When you asked me how to turn me off, right? Well… Should I tell you about that night? When the beast devoured his prey on the first night you and I formed the contract?” the grimoire then floating higher, letting a creepy laugh while it waved its body around.

“Zeit?! How could a mere book…?!” the heat burned my cheek, bemused by the tease which was thrown by it. I quickly stood and stretched my hands toward the flying book, trying to grip it.

“Iggy~ Hihihi...”

“Come down and I’ll tear your pages!” I’d like to shout, but remembering that it was inside Lelia’s room, I tried as hard as possible to muffle my voice. Of course, I didn’t want Lelia or anyone else found me screaming alone.

“Oh! And you called yourself a lady? How rude! Disrespectful! Ill-mannered!”

Soon as the grimoire mocked me, I stopped moving, glaring at the annoying book which was letting out another creepy laugh. Shutting my eyes, I took a deep breath, trying to regain my composure. I couldn’t remember when was the last time I was easily irritated like this, and now, the cause was a mere talking book. How could I let a book make me angry?

“Okay,” I huffed, lowering my voice then looked at it. “I’m terribly sorry… Zeit, please come down.” Opening my palm, I gave a sign to the book so that it would come down to me. I was its Master, so it would be obvious for it to obey me, right?

“Yes, _milady,_ ” it then slowly landed onto my palm, facing its face on me. I hated the way it imitated Ignis when it called me “milady”. How could a book so talented in mocking humans?

“Why wouldn’t you tell me about your previous Master?” I stared at its bronze eyes, which didn’t give off any expression on it. Of course, it was only a bronze statue, not even a living creature.

“I can’t. It’s the rule.”

I furrowed my brows, “If we disobey?”

“Death? Perhaps?”

Squinting my eyes for once again, I found it weird hearing its reason. “You lie.”

“I did.”

 _Oh great._ I was definitely annoyed by the way it talked. And it just lied to me. I didn't know whether I should believe it or not, anymore. It kept secret, and I didn't like it.

“Oh… So that’s it? Maybe it’s better if we shut your mouth, Zeit?” I gripped the grimoire in my hand and drew a circle on its cover, pretending to cast a spell that could make it sleep.

“Wait! Wait! Wait! Okay!”

“Then?” I paused my movement, but still not lifting my finger from it, rather I strengthened my grip.

“I really can’t tell you about the previous Master because I can't, simply like that. I’m not allowed to do so. But I can help you to know.”

“In what way?”

“Through your mind, but of course, you'll get hurt.”

“Try me.”

“Okay, okay! Now then… Think about it! Can you remember what is missing from your life?”

“What do you mean?” I tilted my head, puzzled by its question.

“What is missing from your life? When other people have it but not you.”

I blinked, not talking anymore as I tried to understand its question. What was missing from my life? Other people have it, but not me?

My head was heavy as I struggled to find it out. It was like being pressed by a ton of weight. It was throbbing in pain, trampled by ache. At that time, I heard some noise in my head and I saw a familiar face as I tried to recollect my hazy memories.

I let the grimoire loose from my grip as I held my head. The world was spinning, moving in three hundreds and sixty degrees.

“You’re a witch. You should be able to try to understand it. But the memories will not come to your mind, no matter how hard you try.”

I stood up from my seat and dashed out from my room with a stagger.

_Right..._

Why I never had a thought about it?

Why was it so natural that I never thought about it?

I placed my arm on the wall to support my body, trailing it while walking, trying to find the auburn who was always with me all this time.

“Lady Eira? Good morning.” Lelia who was in the middle of her cooking stopped her hands as soon as I stepped in the kitchen. “Hmm? Are you okay?”

“Lelia…”

“Lady Eira? What’s wrong?” she turned off the stove then scurried toward me hastily. She then stood beside me and held my upper arms, trying to support the staggering body of mine. Gripping her upper arm weakly, I tried to hold my consciousness and withhold the pain in my head which was getting more severe than before.

“Lelia… Who… Who is my mother?” I placed both of my hands on her shoulders, lifting my head to look deeply inside her blue eyes that was shrouded in confusion.

“Why suddenly?” a few lines of wrinkles were formed on her forehead as she frowned.

“Answer…!” I unintentionally raised my voice, causing her to furrow her eyebrows even more.

“As far as I know, your mother passed away right after giving birth to you…”

“Lie…” I murmured, holding my head again for it was throbbing in excruciating pain.

“But that’s what is being told by Sir William...”

“Did you ever see my parents' wedding picture?” I closed my eyes, trying to find the shards of memories that seemed to be erased from my head.

_"̵E͜i̧͘r̡͏a͠,̧͘ ͝y̵̧҉o͟͝u͟͠ ̕w͡҉̴a͞͠n͝t̢ed̸ ̴̡t̕͢ơ͝ ͝w͠e͝͞a͟r̛͟ t͢͞h̡͡e̶ ̵s̴̡am͝e̛ ̡d̨̛͝re͡͝ss͏̕ ͏҉̕a̢s̸͝ ̶͝me҉ ̕i̴͜n ̡͞͞t͞h̶i͜͝s ̴pi͠͏̴c͢҉t̷ur̛e̢͠?"͠҉_

_"I̴ ̷̶w̨̛a̸͡n̢t̡͞!̵͢!̸̸"̕̕_

“I’m afraid… not?” There was hesitation inside her tone.

“Did you ever hear my father talk about my mother?”

_"M͞o͟͏͠m̕m͢͝y̴͞!͢ I̴̧ ̛͝could҉ ͝͏̷m̷̧ak͡e̸͟͝ t͘h̡e ͏̶b̷ǫok҉͢s ͡f͏̸ļ͢͏oa̵͘͝t̸̕͞in̷g̕͡!͝"̴̷_

“I think yes, but I couldn’t remember. Lady Eira, rather than asking about that, shouldn’t you go back to your room?”

_"Mo͝͡m̡̕͝, ̕̕I̵͢g̵n̷̢i̧̛s h͏a̷̢d҉ ͠͏j̛̕uşt̢ ͘g̵a̸v̡͞e͏͏ m͏̛e ̡͞t̵̡̨he͠ş̸͜e ̵f͟l̴o͠͠w͏҉͡ers̴…̴̨͢"̕͘͟_

“R-right… I’m sorry…” I nodded. The harder I tried to remember, the pain in my head was getting worse. I tried to look at Lelia, but the view was getting darker and the air was getting colder. Perhaps, it was already the limit.

Lelia supported me back to my room, helping me until I lay down on the bed. 

“I’ll make breakfast for you… Please rest well…”

“Um… Sorry… Thank you...” I covered my eyes under my palm, trying not to let the welled up tears flowing from the corner of my eyelids.

Lelia left the room and closed the door, leaving me alone in this small and quiet room.

The sadness shrouded me again, stabbing my chest due to my inability to collect the fragment of my memories. I saw a flash of my lost memories a few moments ago. It was blurry, dim, and vague. And now it had been completely disappeared from my mind. I couldn't even remember what I saw, what I heard, and what I said inside those reminiscences.

The beads of tears liberated itself from the closed eyelids, crushing all of the shields I created to push my emotion. I felt like being betrayed, being lied to by the entire world.

I had a lot of memories of my father, but who was my mother? Where was she? Even if she had already passed away, why did I never take a look at her memorial picture?

The grimoire then floating around my head again.

“I already said it before, that you'll get hurt."

"Your previous Master… is she…?"

What had she done until her existence was being erased from my memories? 

"I can't reveal the truth. I'm not being granted with the ability to do so."

"How cruel…" I let out a smile of devastation, laughing at the cruel fate that befell on me, on my mother...

"But eventually you'll understand, as long as you are willing to learn the verse written in me. Well, let’s save this conversation later. Your body is burdened enough.”

“Hee… Didn't expect a rude grimoire like you was kind enough to say something like that…" I chuckled, then drew a circle on my head with my trembling finger, trying to ease the pain that tortured me. I murmured the incantation and gave a sigh after the soft white light gleaming from it, somewhat soothing the agonizing pain that trampled my head.

I was trying to regain my composure in the dark when the phone I placed on the drawer next to the bed was ringing. Opening my eyelids slowly, I glanced at the phone that was blinking in the same rhythm as its notification tone.

"Your phone is ringing…" Zeit flying toward the phone.

"I can hear that."

"It's a message from Iggy…"

"Stop calling him like that," I weakly scolded the impolite grimoire. How could a grimoire have a carefree character like that, so noisy, so irritating.

"But you called him like that…" if Zeit was a human, I could imagine he puffed his mouth and pouted like a spoiled child. Unfortunately, it was not. Or fortunately, it was not?

I stretched out my hand, reaching for the phone to look at what was displayed on it. As Zeit said, it was a message from Ignis.

_07:35 Good morning. We had just made it out from the waterfall at 3 a.m. The others are exhausted, still snoring in the camp. Will be back there around noon, perhaps._

"Who is he by the way? Your boyfriend?"

"My fiance."

"Woooooow~" the grimoire shrieked, spinning its body while revolving around the room.

"Zeit… be quiet," I hushed at the noisy grimoire while my fingers were typing the reply for the royal retainer.

_07:37 You too, please rest well. You'll drive again right?_

Shortly after, my phone bipped, showing a message from him.

_07:42 Yes. Well then, I'll sleep again._

I gave off a slight smile then flicked my fingers over the keyboard displayed on the phone monitor.

_07:43 Don't force yourself. Good night (it's morning though) ( ⊙᎑⊙ )_

I stared at the phone blankly, waiting for his reply until the short message popped out.

_07:46 ( ≖_≖)_

His reply made me choke with laughter, completely made me forget of the twinge of pain in my head. That was the first time he used emoticons, and it really didn't suit him.

_Ignis Scientia_

_How could you be so adorable?_

That noon, we met for a brief moment inside the Leville after Iris invited me for lunch together. However, because the prince was having a sight of the Archaean from the Disc of Cauthess, they decided to leave to the outlook soon after that.

"I'm sorry Eira…" it was a lie if I didn't miss the warmth he gave me through his palm when he caressed my head.

_B̢҉u͡t̶̕ ̕y͘o̵͘͟u̕͜͢ ͜͡w̸̧i̸͜l̨҉ļ͏ ̴n̡o ͝l͢o͠n͏g҉̢e͠r̕ d̛o͘ t̷͝h̷̵a̶t ̵̴an͜ym̶̢o̢̢͞r̸e_

Saying that, he left, following the prince and his retinue. Just like that with no more contact, until night when he said that they met a peculiar man from the Niflheim, saying that the man would guide them getting inside the Cauthess.

That night, I spent an hour listening to how Iris was displeased by being unable to have dinner with Noctis. She was already excited by the time they came back from the waterfall to get the royal arms, but then they went again without even spending one night to rest in Lestallum.

And that night, I prayed that they would be back, safe and sound, showing their smile for once more.

* * *

It was the second time. When I failed saving a single soul in front of my eyes. When I'd like to curse my inability. When I let someone die on me.

"Ugh…" I sliced my arms for once more, continuously drawing the circle on the ground that would be finished after I write the last two words on it, in my blood. 

It was my fault that I couldn't save Talcott's grandfather. 

I couldn't save him after the Niflheim troops slew him. I was too slow. He's dead because I took a lot of time on drawing the stupid circle. He's dead because the incantation was too long. 

He's dead because of me.

"Eira, don't you think that you need to take a rest?"

Ignoring the book, I drew the healing spell on my arms, repeating the incantation until the wound disappeared then drank the medicine I brewed before I left Lestallum. Perhaps, it was the thirtieth time I did the same thing over and over.

"Then what?" I threw the bottle to the ground. "You're the one who taught me."

"Not me, but the verse inside me!"

I gripped my dagger and sliced my arm once again, using the blood that was dripping from my flesh to write another letter on the ground.

My breath grew heavier as I crouched on the cold and solid rock of the Narcie Haven in the south of Lestallum. There was a ritual I needed to do, but the enormous size of the circle prevented me from doing it inside Lelia’s room. Moreover, drawing a magic circle with the blood itself was already grotesque enough. If Lelia found me doing it in her room, she would handcuff me so I would never harm myself.

I already spent a few hours in this place, hurting myself over and over to take my own blood and used it for the spell. 

It was written in the grimoire, how to cast the spell without using the circle nor murmuring the incantation. What I needed was the large amount of the blood from the witch herself, then used it to draw the magic circle as big as her own body.

"You'll die," the grimoire hovered in front of my face. It couldn’t show any expression, but I could feel a slight concern from his tone.

"Nope." I drank the medicine again to increase the red blood cells in me then casting the healing spell once more. It wouldn't help much, but by doing so I could increase my survivability rate, _perhaps_.

"One more word." I sliced my wrist again, then used my blood to write the last word on the ground. 

Dropping the dagger carelessly on the ground, I sat down in the middle of the circle I had created. My breath was growing heavy and shallow, as I felt my heartbeat getting louder than before. It was tormenting, agonizing, but I would not fall back, not after I finished what I started.

"Zeit…" I placed my arms on the ground as I tried to hold my trembling body. My view was already blurred, and the world seemed created only in black and white. The night made it worse, as I could see there was almost nothing right now.

The grimoire floated in front of my face, flipping its parchments to the page where the ritual was written on. I clasped my hands in front of my chest then said the incantation stated inside the book, even though I was struggling to read it in the darkness. 

The red glow was shimmering from the ground, creating a gust of wind within the circle. The roar echoed from my surroundings, and I could feel my chest was being struck by an invisible force. It made it harder to breath, as if my chest was being restrained by a chain.

By the time I finished the incantation, the blood I wrote on the ground was slowly being swallowed to the book. And at the same time my head was pierced by a sharp pain. I bit my lips, trying to hold my suffering.

Soon after that, I found my arms burning in heat, it was so painful I couldn't hold my scream anymore. There was a small magic circle engraved on both of the back of my hands. It felt like being stabbed by hundreds of needles along the skin where the circle was engraved. Then it disappeared after the circle was completely formed on it.

But then what remained was only a silence and the darkness. My body fell to the ground, as I let a groan of agony. I curled my body, the pain on both of my arms were still there. And the ache on my head was also still lingered there, tormenting me inside the unbearable pain.

"Eira...!"

And suddenly I could hear a voice.

"Eira! What are you doing here?!"

It was so soft...

"Eira!"

_Y̧͜o͘͝͏u̵͠’l̢̛l ņe͢v̴͠e̶r̡ ͞c̸͠ą͟͞l̡͞l̨͜ ͏m̸̡y ̷̶͘ņ̧a͏̕m͜e͟ ͝a̸͠n̢̡͠y̶̢͏mo͜r͘e_

...and filled with worry.

* * *

I had a dream, where there was a woman with a tender smile standing in front of me, gazing at me with the pair of her dark eyes. Her hair was the same color as mine, it fell gently on her shoulders and it swayed softly as the wind brushed her face. Her slender arms were stretched open, as if trying to tell me to get into her embrace. However, no matter how hard I ran, she was never getting closer.

I reached out my hand, trying to catch her figure, but she kept floating away. She was still smiling at me, but then a line of blood was slipping from the corner of her lips, her left eye, then her right eye. Her arms were tainted by the bleeding wounds and her white dress was stained with the blood.

I screamed. I cried. I was trying to call her. I was trying to reach her.

But I was failed.

She was always dead and turned into the ashes.

She always left me in regret and grief.

I frowned and squinted my eyes as the dazzling gold fell into my gaze. The roseate wall, the worned pink curtain, and the white ceiling. Since when I came back to this room? The last thing I remembered was the cold ground of the Narcie Haven, but here I was, inside the warmth and the humidity of Lestallum.

"You're finally awake!"

I let a gasp when the grimoire suddenly showed itself in front of my face.

"Zeit? Why am I here?"

"Your Iggy brought you here…" Zeit hovered itself to my right side, and as I followed its movement, I noticed another presence in the room.

The unkempt crownsguard was sitting on a chair, crossing his arms as he leaned his left shoulder to the wall. He was still wearing his glasses, but his eyelids were tightly shut.

"How can?" I rose up and sat, moving myself toward the man who was sleeping soundly.

"Dunno~" Zeit positioned itself around Ignis's right shoulder, then faced itself to the man. As if trying to observe his dazzling visage.

"Should I wake him up?" I bit my lips, fidgeting for my own confusion.

"Hmm…?" Ignis frowned in his sleep, he moved his head then slowly opened his eyes, showing the beautiful emerald eyes behind those glasses to find me. "Eira...?"

I moved my body, approaching him who was straightening his back. "Why are you here?"

"The same goes for you, why were you there?!" he then moved his entire body, pulling my left arm roughly. "And what's with this?!"

"It hurts...!" I frowned in pain as he pulled my hand upward. There was a sharp pain around my wrist, I glanced at it and found a bandage covered around it.

"Did you try to kill yourself?!" 

"I'm not!"

"Then what is this?!" He tugged my hand again until he made my body lean forward and almost fall from the bed.

"I can explain!" I tried to pull my hand from his grip, but he was too strong so that I couldn't free myself.

"Why did you hurt yourself?!" He glared at me, with eyes which were burning in anger. I'd like to curse myself for my carelessness that I forgot to heal myself when I cut my wrist for the last time that night.

"It was necessary…"

"What for?!" he raised his voice. A shudder went through my body and I unconsciously flinched backward. My heart beating thunderously, louder and faster since I incurred his wrath.

It was the first time for him to be this angry. He was usually calm and maintained his composure. But I triggered his rage for showing the wound I inflicted upon my own self without his permission. His wrath gnawed my heart from beneath, menacing me in fright. The anger from the softest person was, indeed, the worst.

"Zeit." I murmured then the grimoire flew to my front, flipping its page to the spell that I needed.

"Please sleep…" I looked at Ignis then cast the sleeping spell on him. A magic circle was drawn in front of his face, emitting a red glow that made him squinting his eyes. 

"What are...?" he frowned seeing the magic circle in front of him then fell to the ground before even finishing his words.

_Oh the Six, what did I do..._

"You cruel." Zeit closed its cover and stared at me with its bronze and dead eyes.

"I was flustered!"

"You were afraid."

"Zeit!" I glared at it then opened its page again, showing another spell that I needed. A magic circle was being drawn under Ignis's body as I left the bed. I made him float in the air and slowly bring him to the bed. I cast another spell at him, this time, it was a healing spell. I was afraid that he was wounded when he fell to the floor before. I was careless, and didn't think clearly when I decided to make him sleep.

"It worked well." I ripped the bandage surrounding my wrist, and healed my own wound in a swift second.

I sat on the bed then stared at his sleeping face. The guilt tortured me as I looked at him. It was absolutely normal for him to be angry. I hurt myself and didn't even explain anything to him beforehand. 

I placed my fingers on his cheek, caressing it softly as I lifted my spell from him. He opened his eyes slowly, then squinted his eyelids after blinking for a few times.

"Eira…? What were…"

I brushed my lips on him, stopping him to finish his question. I wanted to be forgiven. I wanted him to forgive me, sweep off his anger, and return to his usual tender demeanor.

He looked at me in puzzlement as I pulled away my face to end our fleeting kiss. 

"I'm not a medic…" I mumbled. 

Truthfully, I would like to tell him everything. But I was afraid. I was afraid that if he knew, he would snatch the grimoire away from me, preventing me from doing what was written on it. I would like to tell him that I was not a healer, that I was a witch, far from the white magic and closer to the dark one. But then he would know what I did yesterday, and he would be worried if I do the same thing in the future.

"If it's about Jared, it's not your fault," he sighed then caressed my cheek with the back of his fingers.

"I cast a sleeping spell on you… I'm sorry…" I averted my gaze, looking at the crumpled sheet under my hand. 

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," he then pulled my upper arm, letting me lean against him and bury my face on his broad chest. "Why did you hurt yourself?" 

"Umm... “ I gave a slight pause, trying to find a suitable way to explain it in the most convenient way. The one that wouldn’t raise his doubt, but suffice to satisfy his curiosity. “To be able to cast the spell without manually drawing the magic circle and chant incantation."

"I don't understand… Why did you need to hurt yourself?"

I closed my eyes, and let out a deep sigh. It seemed that I couldn’t lie to him. "Blood sacrifice."

"Eira," like I expected, his tone was filled with disappointment.

"If I told you, you would stop me right?"

"Of course…"

"If I was faster, Jared wouldn't die…"

"It's not your fault."

"It's the second time… I let someone die in front of me." I gripped his shirt in frustration. Biting my bottom lips, the tears were beginning to well up beneath my eyelids. "I let Talcott lose his only family."

"No… don't say like that…"

"I was afraid," the stream of tears already escaped from my eyes, flowing on my cheeks and drenching his shirt. I couldn’t hold it, even though I did try my best not to let him see the weak state of mine. 

"Eira…"

"I couldn't save... that woman. I couldn't save Jared. How if I couldn't save anyone else? How if something bad happened to you and I just let you die on me?!"

"Eira… look at me…"

"No."

"Eira," Ignis lifted his body to sit, with me who was still hiding my face on his chest. He then cupped my face, lifting it so he could see my face.

"No one blames you… You're not the one who slay him…" he placed his eyes on me, trying to dive inside me through my eyes that were staring at him.

"Do not blame yourself," he wiped the line of sadness on my cheek with his soft thumb. 

"And please… never hurt yourself like this anymore," and he still kept brushing my tears away.

_I̶̕’m̶̷ ̧s͢o͜͞r̢ry͝ ͠t̶ơ̵ ̧͜be͢t̛r͜a̷͘y͠ ͘yǫ̴u̷_

"It's okay if you couldn't be a medic… What I want is you to be alive and stay with me… You don't need to sacrifice your blood or your life."

_I͡’̧m ̧҉s̕͘o̷rr͢y̵̷̵ ̶͢t͘͘ơ̕ ̕n͞ev̧͠e͡r̸ ͞f̨u̴̧l̢͢f̵i͏̵l̡l̶ ̸̶̶y͝o͏̸ur ̕͘͜w̢̕i̛s̡h̢ȩ͏s̡_

"I'm sorry…"

He kissed my forehead then rested his chin on my head, pulling me inside his warm embrace as he wrapped me with his firm hands. I closed my eyes, listening to his steady heartbeat from his chest which then slowly brought me to the serenity.

It was only him, who was capable of casting a spell to protect me from my worries, to lift my fear and sadness, and to ease the regret I burdened. It was only him, who never failed to extinguish the sorrow that shredded my heart. It was only him, the one whom I wished to never be in pain.

The one who always kept me safe... 

The one that I would treasure for eternity… 

  
  



	8. Soul Fragment and Prayer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not good at giving the title to the chapter...

**CHAPTER 8**

* * *

I rested my elbows on the fence, staring blankly to the vast ocean, watching the red sun slowly sinking behind the horizon. The lustrous bead of gold spread its fiery red to the billow of clouds, painting the sky in the hue of crimson, and glittering the sea surface in sparkling tangerine.

The cold breeze swept my face, drying the single line of tears that slipped down on my cheek. L oneliness  brought me to the memories of the past, the recollection of my guilt, and the remembrance of my regret. And the dusk reminded me how the time was still flowing even though my mind was trapped in the past.

The top of the lighthouse of Cape Caem was my new favorite place, nothing hindered me to gaze at the endless sea and the vast sky. The gusts of wind were capable of lifting my sorrow. And the cold air brought by the ocean allowed me to cleanse my remorse.

It was my third twilight I spent here after I left from Lestallum. The incident with Jared had proved that Lestallum was not entirely safe from the Niflheim army. I did refuse at first because I already promised to Lelia that I  would stay with her. However, Ignis forced me to live with Iris and Talcott in Cape Caem, assuming that it will be safer here than anywhere else. Moreover, being together with crownsguard like Monica and Dustin would assure our safety.

I actually worried about Lelia. She was also from Insomnia even though she spent her childhood in Lestallum. I was afraid that the Niflheim would place their target on her. She was indeed working in the royal house afterall. Fortunately, the last time I received the message from her was this morning. She said that she started to help her mother sell spices in the market, and in the future, she planned to open a restaurant―she didn’t want to waste her talent at cooking. _Well,_ at least, by exchanging mail everyday, I could confirm her well-being and it was quite enough for me. Of course, I would stop by at her house if I should go to Lestallum—we needed to buy supplies, and probably we would go there every week.

This afternoon, Ignis called me, saying that they just got out from Malmalam Thicket. The party got information  from the marshal about the royal tomb inside the forest so that they made a brief stop and inspected it. Actually, I was a bit jealous of Iris because she had a chance to join their journey even though it was temporary. However, Dustin and Monica were searching for the parts to fix the royal vessel, so the only car left was the one of mine. The backseat was filled with luggage, ranging from clothing to the cooking ingredients, so the only one who could be with me was either Talcott or Iris. It was too dangerous for Talcott to join with the prince and his retinue, that was why Iris left with them.

“I wonder if Ignis will arrive today…” I let out a mutter, completely forgot that the grimoire was always beside me, levitating not far from my left side and sometimes hovering above my head.

“Ooh~ You already missed him? What? What are you longing for? What are you yearning for? His voice? His handsome face?” Zeit flew toward my face, waving its body to the left then to the right while teasing me with its sneering tone.

“Zeit!” I  scowled  at the book and cast the spell on it, letting it fall from the air downward to the ocean, and just before its leather cover touched the water, I lifted the spell so then it floated again.

“You want to kill me?!” the book was yelling and then moved itself upward, hovering to my side for once again.

I held my stomach then crouching on the floor, I couldn’t hold my laughter seeing that my trick was so glorious. “Ahahaha….!”

“Stop laughing! You almost kill me!” the grimoire raised its voice,  annoyed by my mischievous act.  _ Oh _ , I had never been this pleased recently. The book always irritated me, so when I got a chance to prank it and succeeded, I was very satisfied.

“Ahaha… You could die?” I leaned against the wall, trying to catch my breath between my own laughters.

“No! Of course!”

“Ahahaha! You amused me!”

The grimoire  kept yelling at me, but I only responded with my laughter. It took a minute until I could regain my composure,  stand  back straight, and  finally fetch a deep breath. I let myself engulf in the silence for a moment, trying to calm my mind after all of those laughs.

I closed my eyes while filling the cold air to my lungs. Then I remembered something I needed to acquire, and maybe it was written inside the old parchments of the grimoire. 

“Hei Zeit.”

“What?” the grimoire was already levitating on my left side, like what it usually did.

“I need a spell…”

“What of?”

“To protect…”

“Oh…” Zeit moved to my front then flipped open the pages inside it until it stopped on a certain page. “Is this one?”

I looked at the verses written on it then shook my head. “No. Stronger one…”

“Hmm… This one then…” the grimoire turned its pages again, showing another spell written in the ancient words. I held its body in my grip, bringing it closer to my eyes.

The grimoire was indeed written in an ancient language, similar to the words I phrased when I cast the incantation all this time since I was young. I couldn’t remember how I learned this language. It was already erased from my memory. Just like how they tampered the memories of my mother.  I was sure, it was also my mother who taught me this language.

“̧͘L̵͢҉i̶͏s̨͟͏ţ̴͟͞͞e̢n̛͟,͡ ̛͘͡҉͢E҉̸̸̶̶i̛͜r̷̨͜͞͞a͝͡҉̷.̷̢̢͘ ̸̧͘͟͟L̴̵͟e͏̡a͞͏͠r̴̴n҉̛i҉̕͡n̷̡͜͞͡g͜͝ ̡͏͘͡t͜͞h̷͝i̧͡͠s̴̨͘͢ ̴͡l͏̶̸͜ą͠͝n̵̵͞͞g̵̸̡u͠͡a̴̵̕g̷͘ȩ̶ ̵i͞͏͞͡s̡͡҉͝ ̸̡̕ą̷̕ ̨͝m͏ư̴͢ş̷͜͢͠t̸̨͘…͢͢͞”҉̴

A headache always haunted me whenever I tried to remember the dim past of mine. As if it hindered me to reminisce, preventing me to acquire the truth hidden within.

“This one then…” I nodded in excitement  after reading the words engraved on the parchment . It was exactly what I wanted.

“Really? You really want to do that?” the book asked.

“But you were the one who said that I should learn all the verses inside you.”

“Learn. Not implement it.”

“Isn’t it the same? Moreover, what’s the meaning of learning if you don’t practice it?” I argued.

“No. Eira. It’s different. Not every verse written here must be done by you.”

“Why? You worried about me?” I teased.

"Worried? Me?!" the book in my hands moving in rage, almost made me let it go from my grip due to its violent movement.

"Yes. You." I chuckled then replied.

"Not in a slight."

"Okay, I believe you." I closed the book and looked at the bronze face on its cover.

“Hei Eira… Don’t you think that we should go back? If not, that little boy of yours would shriek and destroy my eardrums.” 

“Talcott is not like you. Moreover, you have no ears.” I poked at the upper part of the grimoire's bronze face then turned my body around, approaching the elevator. However, the steel door was opened just before I pressed the button to get down to the ground level, and Ignis walked out from there.

"Eira, I'm looking for you," he stood in front of the elevator. A slight pant could be heard from his lips. It almost went unnoticed but there was a trace of perspiration trailing down from his forehead.

"Ah... Why didn't you tell me that you'll arrive today?" I let loose the grimoire from my hand, letting it hover again around me. Even though Zeit already told me that no one could see it, I could still find myself fidgeting, worried that anyone would notice the peculiar grimoire floating around so carefree.

"Look! It's Iggy! It's Iggy!" Zeit revolved around the man in front of me.  Biting  my lower lips, I glared at the hovering book,  commanding it to stay still through my eyes.

"Noctis sometimes couldn't decide where to go. Not until I started to drive."

"So you couldn't message me beforehand. What a troublesome prince he is." I tried to ignore the grimoire,  wishing  I could shut it up, but Ignis would raise a question if there was a book falling from the sky suddenly.  I didn’t want him to know about Zeit, he would ask a lot of questions, and figured out that the book was the one who taught me the spell he despised.

"Why are you here anyway?" Ignis showed his concern from his tone and his thin  brows were furrowed on his forehead.

"I was… just wanted to take a breather." I walked closer to him, giving off a smile even though my mind was disrupted seeing the behavior of the grimoire who then positioned itself right in front of Ignis’s face and muttering random words to tease me.

"It's getting darker, let's get back to the house." He took my hand under his gloved hand.  I loved  his firm grip as he pulled me closer while the elevator brought  us downward to the ground floor. My shoulder brushed his upper arm, letting the heat from his body to sip through my skin even though our body was covered by the cloth. I liked it when he held my hand like this, standing closer to me, letting me to hear his steady breath while we waited for the elevator to move down to the ground floor.

Bored because I kept ignoring it, Zeit finally shut its mouth besides me. Its quietness almost made me forget about its presence, moreover this time it levitated slightly backward and not inside the range of my vision.

"I'll cook dinner. Any request?" Ignis's soft voice echoed between the wind of the dusk after we stepped out from the lighthouse.

"Guess it," I lifted my face, teasing the man on my right side. He then curled his lips, unsatisfied with my answer.

"You just don't know what to eat and let me do the job thinking of the menu for you?" 

A small giggle escaping my lips as I answered his question,  “Yes.”

The twilight sky was painted in darker red, reflecting a dim tinge on his dashing visage. In few seconds we would be arrive at the house, but I w̢͘͜įş̷͞he̸d͞ ̧͘͏that I could be with him like this a little longer, admiring his perfect jawline,  intertwining our fingers, synchronizing our steps, and enjoying small chatter between us.

"Jared's death is not your fault," but then he whispered right before he opened the wooden door in front of us. Holding it open, he waited for me to enter the room.

Why should he say something like that right before we enter the room? Was he trying to bring me back to my grief?

"Please enter, Lady Ȩ͟i̷̛̕r̵̡a."

Or was he simply  trying  to ease my sorrow?

"Thanks." 

I knew best that the latter one was the answer. However, his kindness had just made the tears welled up again inside my eyelids. 

I took a deep breath, trying to regain my composure before I stepped inside the hideout and saw the lively view of the people there.

"Eira!" Talcott ran toward me and hugged my waist. He was already getting used to me in recent days until he became clingy and spoiled toward me. I wondered if it was me that forced myself to be close toward him, or his carefree and bright personality that pulled me toward his light.

I spent the past three days in this place teaching him in basic knowledge; like math, language, history, and cosmogony. He often asked me to play with him in the garden, and the other day, he asked me to drive around the area. However what he liked the most was when I told him about Noctis, which was—of course—using the vent from the prince’s royal advisor which he  told me in the past as the source of information.

"Where ’ve you been?" Talcott released his hug then h e ld my hand, swaying it back and forth as he asked the question.

“What an annoying brat…” the voice from the floating grimoire reminded me that Zeit was still there. I promised to lock him off after this.

"Lighthouse." I caressed the head of the little boy in front of me then pinched his cheek. 

Truthfully, it was hurting me whenever I saw his eyes. I was burdened by the fact that I couldn't save the only family he had. Perhaps, that was why I decided to be with him whenever I could, as my own self salvation.

“Again?” he tilted his head and looked at me with his round eyes.

“Again,” I nodded.

"But you must make sure to be back before dusk, okay?"

"I promise." I caressed the  brown-haired boy in front of me. He then jumped  after I lifted my hand from his head ,  then  approaching Noctis  in a hurry . He admired the prince, so  Talcott must have wanted to be near him while the prince stayed here.

"Oi Iggy, where's dinner?" Noctis who was sitting on a dining chair eagerly asked for a meal. Just like a spoiled child who asked his mother to be fed.

"I'll prepare it right away," Ignis—the mother—then walked toward the kitchen.

“Should I help you?” I followed him, a bit hesitant, afraid that my help will just burden him, but I'd really like to help.

“Eh?! I thought that we’ll have a chance to taste Iris handmade cooking?” Prompto who was standing near the stairs behind Noctis complained.

“Right! Ignis, you must be tired from driving right? Let me cook!” hearing how Prompto showed his whimper of upset must have inspired Iris to offer her cooking.

“You’re not tired Iris? After spending two days sleeping in an uncomfortable camp?” As expected, his brother would do anything so that Iris wouldn't exhaust herself as he threw those questions in hoping to make Iris retreat her intention to cook.

“Whoever is fine! Just cook already! I’m hungry.” Noctis started to tap the wooden table impatiently, annoyed by the chaos inside the room.

They started to argue about the cook, filling the room with their noisy turmoil.

"Oh… What a lively disorder! Eira, make a spell to silence them!" Zeit gave a comment, which wouldn't be noticed by anyone in this room. I glared at the grimoire, suggesting it to keep silence through my threatening look.

_ I̵̵͜ ̸̵w̴i͠s͟҉h͘͢ed̷ ͜th̶i̶͜s ̵͝li̧v͟e̴ly ̧ḑ̸͟i͘s̸͏̧ord̴e̛͘r̵͝ w̸o̢͜ul͘d͟ ͞ņ͞ę͜v̛͘e̕r ̶̨l͘ea̴̵̕v͏̵e ̢u̸̧s.͏̢ _

“Well then. How if you all just sit down and let me do the cook ing ?” Monica clapped her hands as she walked down from the second floor. She must be disturbed by the commotion here  and decided to interrupt them .

No one seemed to object, as they nodded in silence of agreement. Monica gave off a smile of contentment then walked toward the kitchen while asking the prince to enjoy his stay. Talcott then eagerly invited the royal brothers to the room upstairs while waiting for Monica to finish her cooking. 

After filling our stomach with luscious food, we spent that night with laughter. Prompto and Noctis had a dart competition, Gladio gave a comment whenever Prompto or Noctis made a silly mistake or unable to aim at the bullseye, Talcott and Iris cheered those who had a competition, while Ignis sat calmly on the sofa with me beside him.

All of us then talked for hours about many things, about how Noctis scowled when Prompto said he wanted to play King's Knight while waiting the prince who was fishing, or how Iris jumped to land a devastating blow to the giant crab near the waterfall, or how Ignis stumbled to the ground when Gladio fell and hit him after being struck by the monster.

_ B̛͏u͞t̕҉̡ ͞th͞͝͏e̴̸ ͜God̴s҉ d̵̵id̛n͝’҉͞t̷̨ a҉ļ͟l̛͞o̵͘҉w̕ ̧us͢҉ _

Talcott was the first who fell asleep and thanks to him we decided to go back to our own room, resting our body for the next day. Moreover, the next day, Noctis and others must go to Vesperpool to find some mythrils to fix the royal vessel which then  would carry them to the journey toward Altissia.

* * *

I couldn't open my eyes anymore. I drank too much  until my throat, my lungs, and my stomach were burning in fire.  Leaning  my back against the backrest of the sofa,  I struggled to keep my eyes opened. It was so comfortable, I could dive into my slumber in any second.

"Noct… Let the chocobo wear it…" Prompto was already mumbling in his sleep. The last thing I remembered from a few moments ago, a man he mentioned in his sleep was also already sleeping on the bed. From afar, I could hear someone  was  snoring  already . It must be Gladiolus. It seemed  that  all those three  had  already departed from this realm to go to their dreams.

Tomorrow, they  would  depart to Altissia because the royal vessel had already been fixed. Upon the completion of the repairment, Cid brought some bottles of wine he had just found inside the secret dock beneath the lighthouse. Gladio and Prompto insisted on savoring the special wine, and I too―had never drunk again for a while―was enticed to take a sip. 

Of course the one who  _ seemingly  _ stood behind me had already prevented us from drinking too much. But we had just played the truth or dare, and if you were unable to fulfill the order, you should drink a glass of wine. 

I couldn't do most of the dare. Noctis asked me to sing the Crow's Nest jingle, which I refused because I couldn't sing. Prompto asked me to make a joke, which I declined because I couldn't think of a joke. And Gladiolus asked me to kiss Ignis, which angered the royal advisor so that he almost ruined the game.

I also couldn't answer one of the truths requested. Noctis asked which one I would date between Gladio and Prompto, I almost answered the question but someone was glaring at me, so that was the next glass of wine.

Other than that, I did the dare or answered the demands. Like when Gladiolus asked how much I love Ignis, which then made those four blushing after hearing my answers and made me want to drown myself to the ocean due to the shame. Or when Prompto asked the simple and pure question about which one I like between chocobo or Ignis, the answer was very obvious though.

But what amused me was when Ignis did his dare to do the dance. He was so awkward and we were choked in laughter. But, he was lucky that he only got two dares and one truth. On the other hand, I was unlucky because the spinning bottle pointed at me all the time, so that I drank four glasses of wine which exceeded the limit I could handle.

However, the other three were worse. Noctis almost drank half of the bottle, he was too shy to do the dare and couldn't be honest to answer the questions. Prompto drank only once, and he was already dead. Meanwhile, the big guy Amicitia drank all what was left, he even drank it  while enjoying  the entire game.

Ignis was the one who didn't touch the drink. I could hear the deep and heavy sigh  escaping  his lips. He must be exhausted seeing the victim of the wine inside this room.

"Is this act of carelessness appropriate for a lady like you?" his voice was getting closer and I could feel his sturdy hands were wrapped around my body as he lifted me in his arms. I brushed my face to his neck, too weak to respond, and just gave a slight mumble to answer his question  instead .

"Really…" His voice was so close  it tickled my ear.  I was glad that I already locked Zeit in the kitchen so that it wouldn't disturb or annoy me this day.  Certainly, the book would yell when I drank the wine, or whenever those people do the stupid dare or answer the truth. Without doubt, the one who would complain about me being drunk like this was not only my beloved fiance but also the creepy grimoire.

My body was swaying as he started to walk. His steps were so quiet, it almost  produced  no sound on the wooden floor. The door creak opened then closed, for twice until I felt the softness of the mattress underneath my body.

"Umm… thank you… Iggy…" I tried to open my eyes, looking at the sight of the unpleased emerald eyes under the dim light of the moon which was slipping through the small window from my room.

"You make me angry."

"Again? No…" I pleaded in a spoiled manner. I couldn't control my demeanor in this state, I just wanted him not to be angry.

"Ȩ͟i̷̛̕r̵̡a, since when you became this carefree?"

"Did I?" I closed my eyes again then moved my head, trying to find the most comfortable position on my pillow.

"You're not supposed to behave like that in front of men."

"But I was the last to… sleep? No, wait, I'm still awake now… I'm not that drunk,"  trying to  open my eyes again,  I convinced him that I was indeed still conscious.

The wooden frame of my bed made a slight creak, as Ignis climbed on it and crawled above me.

"You're in a mess,  _ milady. _ "

"Am I?" I gazed at Ignis who was already less than one inch in front of me. My head was spinning, but his charm enticed the entire me.  The warmth crept from my inside when I placed my eyes on his dazzling visage.

_ ͏҉I̸̛͘ w̶i͡sḩ̴e͘d ̸̵̸yo̧u͏r͟҉̛ ̡e̢͠m̛͞e͢ra͜l̷d͘s̡͘͞ ̵̷̡w̴ơu͟l̕d͘ ̧͜a̵͟lw͞a͞͡ys ̴s͏ta̶҉y̨̕҉ ̵͟t̴h҉͘e̴̛r̵̶ȩ͠.̸͠ ̧ _

"Unbearably in mess…"

He landed his soft lips on me in one second, making me burn in daze. Then, as what he usually did, he took off his glasses, and placed it on the small wooden drawer beside the bed, before locking my mouth with his in passionate way. It was so tender and slow, as he took every moment in  delight , enjoying every movement we made. 

I placed my left hand on his shoulder and tried to caress his cheek with my other hand before he abruptly gripped both of my wrists, chaining it between his fingers and pressed it on the bed. Ignis pulled his face away, and looked at me in his intimidating glare.

"You're too careless... this time… and that time too…" his whisper gave a chill down my spine.  It made me shudder, but I craved for him, for his touch, for his breath as he ghosted along on my skin with his lips.

"It makes me want to lock you down and cuff your hand, so you won't do any inappropriate act anymore,” his breath caressed my cheek, increasing the heat from my body.

“Ignis…” I murmured, feeling tickled by the way he whispered to me.

"The scars… it's still here…" he raised my left arm and looked at the scar engraved on it.

"I'm sorry…" the helpless apology  escaping my lips. The regret once again  gnawed my chest  when he showed his disappointment after seeing my scar.

"I'd like to remind you… that you're mine…" the heat from his breath stroked my skin, as he pulled my arm closer to him. His soft lips left a trace of desire when it touched my scar. "And nothing should break what is mine, even if it's you yourself... " 

"You're still angry?" 

"I am."

"What should I do so you forgive me?"

"I wonder…" he stared at my eyes,  moving  his gaze down to my nose, my cheek, my lips,  before returning back to my eyes. "Perhaps… I should really lock you down… tied you so you wouldn't hurt yourself… confine you… hide you from the entire world but me…" 

"That will trouble me…" I muttered, refusing his idea but silently enticed by it.

"Of course I won't do that…" the smirk curved from his captivating lips as he brought his face closer to my ear and gave a whisper in his seductive voice, "Even though the urge is irresistible." 

A sharp pain followed just right after he finished his words as he sunk his teeth on my neck. I almost let out a cry but his palm muffled my voice,  covering my mouth under his large hand.

My head was spinning. It felt like I was floating and hovering in the air. It felt like I was drifting in the vast ocean. I could feel the fire in my vein, the  thunderous throbbing from my heartbeat, and the shiver down my spine.

He bit me, nibbling my skin inside his fiery manner.  Shutting my eyelids, I  swayed between the drowsiness caused by the wine and the pleasurable pain he inflicted on me.  His hands started to move along on my body, caressing me while slowly removing my dress before discarding it to the floor.

The sound of him unbuckling his belt made  me to force open my  heavy eyelids. I panted as I observed how swift he pulled the leather belt from his pants , chaining my wrists with it, and making me crippled in my inability to touch his skin.  The gaze he gave me as he binding my hands enthralled me. The impatience coursed through me, and perhaps, my eyes already told him everything that I wanted.

"Ah… I  always wanted to tie you like this," a smirk passed over his charming visage.

My breath hitched as  his slender fingers caressed my cheek tenderly, while his other hand raising my cuffed arms above my head.  I closed my eyes for once again when  his lips met mine  to  engulf me under his charm. 

He then turned my body roughly  after he was satisfied in devouring my mouth , exposing my defenseless back to him.  The way his fingers trailing my skin  made me shiver in desire, and  the way  his lips leaving the traces on  my skin made me wail in pleasure . The pillow muffled my cry, as I held the pain whenever he created the marks from my shoulder, down to my back, and lastly to my waist. 

"I'm the only one who has the right to leave the marks on your skin… your body… and your soul…"

I panted more, craving for the air after the relentless assault he did on my back. But, before I could take a rest, he pulled  my body again, and made me  lie on my back as he harshly closed my lips with his, melting my tongue under his desire.  I swallowed the soft moan he gave  between our intoxicat ing touch,  and I let him do the same to mine.

The touch from his fingers made the world seem disappeared, filling me with the heat he created inside me. It was concupiscent, poisonous.  He knew how to make me scream, he knew where to touch me, and I could only dig my nails to my palms and bite my lower lips as I tried hard not to let out the loud wail that could make the entire hideout open their eyes and leave their dream.

"Iggy…" and soon after I called his name, he was getting ferocious,  making me almost reach my peak before deciding to fill my void with his warmth in a single thrust. 

His voice whispering my name under his fast and shallow breath,  and I loved the way he called my name in every movement. It was like the proof that I was alive, that I was real, that I was loved, that he thought about me and only me in this fleeting moment.

He was impatient, ruthless, and fierce that I wished the creaking wooden wouldn't wake a single soul inside the hideout.

His lips covered mine for once more, preventing me from letting out a single sound.  Certainly , he knew that my voice would disturbed the one beyond the wall so that he muted my voice in his enticing way.

His touch, his warmth, his voice, his kindness, his roughness,  I loved everything about him . The way he embraced me, the way he hurt me, the way he pleased me and  poured all of his love into me, they were something that I wished to never  leave me .

We ended our sweet exchange with a deep kiss before he took off his belt from my arms then lay down beside me.

“You'll need long sleeve clothes,” smirking slightly, he pulled my hands and kissed the red mark along my wrists.

Hearing that, I chuckled weakly then snuggled my head on his chest, inhaling the sweet scene of his body. I smiled when he kissed my forehead before pulling me inside his embrace.

And soon after, we let the dream bring us away from the sweet reality, as we waited for the morning to greet us beneath its warm ray.

* * *

I wished this kind of morning were always granted to me whenever I open ed my eyes. The sound of his calm breathing, the serene face he made while sleeping and the warmth that enveloped me through those slender arms. 

Honestly, I would want to observe him a bit longer, gazing at every detail of his  beautiful face. However, I needed to do something and it would be better if he was asleep.

I crawled on the top of the royal advisor,  caging his head between my hands, and his body between my legs. Placing  my hand on his cheek,  I kissed his lips while closing my eyes, then drawing the complicated circle inside my mind.

I already remembered the spell and the form of the magic circle I needed. So that even though Zeit was not here, I could still use the magic.

It was true that I didn't need to draw the magic circle or chant the incantation anymore. But intrinsically I still am obliged to draw it inside my mind, remembering every detail of the curved, the words, and the lines inside the circle. Seeing the page inside the grimoire only made it easier to pay attention to those details.

I pulled away my head to see the white magic circle reveal itself under our body, giving a warm and pleasant sense to be perceived. The light then slowly shrouded the man underneath me and disappeared into him.

It was my blessing, the fragment of my soul I placed on him. 

I wished to protect him, even though I couldn't be with him, even though I would be here, in a faraway place from him as he would sail across the sea.

“Good morning… E̛͡i̶͞͡r͟͜͠ą̡...”

I blinked in surprise when the soft voice beneath me greeted me and opened his eyes as soon as  the magic circle disappeared.

_ ̵͠B̶͞u̧͠t͞ t͞h̶e͞ ̕G̵͞o̵d̢͘ ͘͜s̶͢na̛͘tc͟͞͞hed̴ ҉͝i̵͡t҉ ̷͞͝fro̡m̵͞ u̧̕͟s͜ _

“What are you doing there?” he frowned after those green eyes found me above his body. I let out a startled gasp then proceeded to jump from my position and sat back on the bed. Averting my gaze from the disheveled dirty blonde behind me,  I hastily took the blanket and covered my body with it.

“N-nothing…!” my voice was stuttering, flustered by how he suddenly awakened from his sleep. Now that I thought of it, I forgot to cast the sleeping spell to prevent him from opening his eyes.  Thinking about it, the heat crept to my ears, as I unconsciously sank my teeth to my lower lips.

“Hmm?” The mattress made a soft movement as he shifted his body. Soon after that, he circled his arms around my waist then rested his chin on my shoulder. 

“I thought you were satisfied enough? You were not?” his breath tickled me on my neck as he whispered in a ravishing manner.

“No…!” I moved my head away, trying to flee from his tease.

“Eh? You’re not satisfied?”

“Eh…? No… No... I mean you… uh… Stop teasing me!”

Ignis replied to my impediment speech with his chuckle as he moved to my front. He then pinched my cheeks and planted a tender and fleeting kiss on my lips.

_ Just a little longer, just a little more, please do not leave. _

Today he would depart to Altissia, leaving me in loneliness for once more. And tomorrow, I won’t wake up in his embrace anymore. I would yearn his warmth, I would miss his voice, I would long for his presence.

And what I could do was p͡r̸̸ay̡in͡g̢͝, so there would be no more calamity befell  on  us.

So that he would be back safely, together with the prince and his other friends.

What I could do was praying, h̢ǫpi͡n̢g͏, ̸̵͏and wishing.

Although in the end, fate was saying otherwise.

Because all of those smiles will fade and be snatched away from us.


	9. Tears

**CHAPTER 9**

* * *

_ "But first, I offer you my solemn vow. On my honor as oracle, I will not rest until the darkness is banished from our world and the Light is restored." _

With those words as the peroration, the oracle's speech was coming to the end. Her voice was filled with determination and resolution, and even though the people of Lestallum couldn't see her face stating her strong-willed resolve, her charm was able to raise the hope of those who heard her.

The cheer was filling the air, the smiles were drawn on those faces around me. Few of them clapped their hands, hopped in happiness, and hugged each other. Few others were crying in blissfulness, saying that soon there will be no more night shrouded in dread caused by the daemon that lurking beneath the dark. Because, the oracle already gave her vow, to banish the darkness and to restore the light.

Iris and Talcott who were standing beside me jumped in excitement. I patted the little boy on my right side then gazed at Iris who gave a smile on me.

"So, after this, Noctis will acquire the Hydraean power?" Iris asked, trying to confirm the information she had got ten from the oracle's speech.

"Yes! Because the Astral's blessing is needed for Noct to be the True King. Right, Ei̡͟ra̛͢͞?" Talcott turned his head to me after he answered the daughter of Amicitia's question.

"Right!" I nodded then pinched the soft cheeks of Talcott.

"I couldn't wait to hear the good news from them. I hope they will be okay…" Iris's eyes wandered around, as she clasped her hands behind her back and moving one of her legs in fidget.

"Let's believe in them!" Talcott cheered her up with his bright voice. "I'm sure if it’s Noctis, he will get the Goddess's blessing! He already forged the pact with Archaean and Fulgurian, after all!"

"I hate your Gods," a slight mumble escaped from the grimoire on my left side. I glanced at it and frowned, wanting to demand a further explanation, but if I talk to it, all of those eyes in this place would think that I was  _ sick _ _.  _ No, I wouldn't want that to happen.

" Shall we go back?" Zeit raised his volume, "The sky is getting dimmer."

I lifted my face, seeing the clouds that were white few minutes ago slowly  being smeared in shades of grey. The vivid hue of Lestallum was shifted into the dullness as the sun was being covered by the layer of gloom. The usual heat of the biggest town in Cleigne disappeared as the temperature was getting lower.  I wondered if it was going to rain today.

"Iris, Talcott, we already got what we need right?"  I asked, turning my head to face the girl and the young boy.

"All perfect!" the melodious voice from Iris formed the smile on my lips.

"Then, should we go back?" I lifted the paper bags that we placed on the ground―right before we stopped walking to hear Lady Lunafreya's speech from the radio.

"Yes, let's go!"  Iris nodded in agreement, taking the other paper bags next to her feet then tapped Talcott's shoulder to give a sign that we should leave.

It was already past five when we arrived at Cape Caem. The salty wind greeted us when we got out of my car, making me squint to prevent the dust from entering my eyes.

"Whoa! What a strong wind!" Iris let out a grumble while covering her face with her slender arm.

"Come on, E̡̧̕įra̧̢͘! Iris! Let's run!" Talcott already moved his little legs in haste as he ran toward the hideout while holding a bag of vegetables inside his hug. "Come on!"

"Uh-oh! The brat started his troublesome and unnecessary move," Zeit complained, it always showed displeasure whenever the kids started to make a loud noise.  Weird, since I found Talcott was very adorable. I was an only child, so Talcott and Iris's presence was like a little brother and sister for me. They always made me smile and I loved spending my days here with them.

"Wait! Talcott! Slow down!" Iris chased him. The laughter left her lungs as she ran following Talcott.  They were playing chase and definitely having fun right now.

"Hei! Be careful not to stumble!" I yelled and chased them,  even though I chuckled seeing their carefree manner. I loved their laughter and it made me happy, knowing even though they were suffering a great loss weeks before, they could arise and keep living with those beautiful smiles that adorned their face.

"Eira, you're not their babysitter!"  but Zeit didn't seem to like them.

"Shut up Zeit," I scowled while fixing the position of the paper bag inside my circling arms  then moving my feet to follow those adorable two. 

"For Astral's sake, please don't run so suddenly." They were already inside the house when I arrived at the front door. I  panted slightly since I was running before, now I was trying to regain my steady breathing. I turned my body around upon entering the house, intending to close the door but I halted my eyes onto the ominous sky above. 

It was getting darker and the fleeting cloud was having no color as if being painted in monochrome. The gusts of wind stroke the trees, swaying their leaves in a disorderly harmonic, giving an unpleasant chill down my neck.

"What's wrong? Close the door, Eira!" Zeit commanded me, which I obeyed with no sincerity.

With Iris and Talcott's help, we managed to organize our groceries inside the cabinet swiftly. Monica then gave a gratitude for our errand by cooking the food for us, which actually she always did everyday.

It was almost at seven by the time I finished the dinner and decided to go back to my room. I glanced at my phone while standing in front of the small window that faces the sea.

It was already pitch black above the ocean, and I didn't get any single message from Ignis. Was he really busy? Was the rite really taking this long? Has it finished yet? Why didn't he contact me? Were Niflheim attacking them again?

The latter one bothered me, giving an unpleasant feeling inside my chest. Did something happen with him? Or even any one of them?

If something happened with him, I should have known, because I already placed the fragment of my soul inside him. Or did I fail again? Perhaps I drew a different magic circle by mistake?

I was being restless. Even just by imagining it, I could feel the heaviness trampled on my chest. My hands were  trembling. I was afraid…

"Oi! Eira!" Zeit awakened me from my daze as he levitated itself on my face. "What's wrong?! I was talking to you but you didn't even respond!" 

"Oh Zeit… Sorry. What did you s… Ugh…" an abrupt pain throbbed inside my chest, it was too sudden so that I was unable to finish my sentence. 

"It hurts… It hurts...!" I didn’t realize it when my phone slipped from my grips. I could hear it made a loud thud as it fell to the wooden floor. But I couldn’t care about it since my head was so hurt it felt like I was going to die by the pain.

"Eira?! What happened?!"

I let out a muffled scream since it felt like my left hand was burning in flame, crushing me, destroying me into ashes. I curled myself on the floor and bit my lips, trying to muffle my voice as the pain kept piercing me.

The verse said that if the witch placed her soul fragment on someone, she would also feel the pain if the person experienced the death. The witch couldn't heal that person, but by placing her soul, it could prevent the person to face his/her death because the witch's soul will die instead of that person.

So, right now… Ignis was… 

"Eira?! Did you really use that spell?! On that man?!"

I  held my wail by  cover ing my mouth with my hand as the pain tormented my head. It was burning with the fire I couldn't see. It was scorching, searing, excruciating, agonizing. As if trying to destroy me, as if trying to kill me, as if trying to burn me.

I closed my eyes, and then blinked while gasping as I found my surroundings had shifted into the dim and hazy blue.

I raised my head and looked at the armored men surrounding me. The pain choked me, made me soaked in perspiration. My breath were short and shaky, as I tried to not let out a scream anymore, as I tried to hold the ą̴g̴͝o͞n͞y͜͢ within me, as I tried to perceive and understand what was happening.

_ "You're not the one who put the ring on." _

_ "What are you?!" _

_ "How dare you stand before the king!" _

I was still cowering, curving my back to the front even more. The tears were already  slipping down from the corner of my eyelids, flowing like a rainfall toward my cheeks. My chest was heavy. I panted, trying to fill my lungs with the air, even though every breath I took was only suffocating me.

I tried to digest the things they were talking about between my c̵͡ry of despair. Ring? What were they talking about? Standing before the king? Were they the former King of Lucis?

I gathered my power to lift my face, observing the entities surrounding me. They indeed had the same look as the statue of the former kings. I struggled to focus my mind, trying to remember the history I had learned from my youth. The Wise, The Conqueror, The Clever, The Wanderer, The Rouge, The Fierce, The Mystic… and the rest I couldn't remember. They were indeed, the previous Kings.

Then suddenly a familiar voice was heard behind me. I turned around in haste, only to find Ignis was screaming in pain. Magenta flame started to shroud his hand, and from his finger, a small ring could be seen circling around it. The ring was burning, it was the one that let out the flare. The one that torturing the man in front of me. The one that tormenting my soul I placed on him.

It must be the Ring of Lucii. The one that was being kept by the Oracle. The one that should be given to the Chosen King. But why was he the one who wore it? Why did he wear it? Did he demand the power? Did he long for strength? What for? Why would he do that?

"Ignis! No! Stop it!" I tried to move my body, crawling toward him. The ring was not supposed to be with him. My body was shivering in dread.  _ I don't want to lose him! Please stop his suffering! _

_ "He begged for power."  _

_ "He demanded the power that was not meant for him." _

_ "We should judge his worth." _

"King of Lucis, lend me your strength!" Ignis's scream pained me. "Whatever it takes. I will protect him!" 

"Whatever it takes…" the agony filled his voice. His body was trembling in pain  which tormented him.

The tears flowed again from my eyes as I caught his presence. I wanted to cast my spell on him, to ease his pain, to lift his torment. However I couldn't feel my power, no matter how I tried, there was no magic circle that could be drawn. As if I was being hindered to use my power inside this realm.

_ "Then, shall you sacrifice your life, the strength will be yours to lend…" _

"No! Why don't you take mine instead?!" I glared at those kings of Lucis. Angered by their words, infuriated by the sentence.

_ "You're not the one who demanded the power!" _

_ "You have no place to open your mouth!" _

"But he had my soul! If not, I won't be here, I will be unable to show my presence in front of you all,  _ Your Majesty! _ " I tried to straighten my back as I sc̵r̴͜͡e̴a̕͘͜m̷ę͏d̸̵̸ from my lungs. Both of my hands were trembling in dread, by the fright of losing the most precious soul in my life. His, the soul that was more precious than my own.

_ Sacrificing his life? The hell I would allow it! Even if it killed me, I wouldn't let him die. I wouldn't let him sacrifice his life. No matter what happened. I would protect him. _

_ "What she said was indeed true." _

_ "It's impossible for the one who's not wearing the ring to enter this realm." _

_ "The piece of her soul was indeed inside that man." _

"Please… please take it instead…" I curled my body for once more, the pain was unbearable, it was shredding me from inside, ripping my soul, gnawing my body. However, if the pain could save him, I would be glad to offer my body to be tortured for eternity.

_ "But it's not enough… he should pay it with something else…" _

I blinked in aghast. How could a mere former king be this greedy?

_ "Right, it's him who asked our strength after all." _

"No! Please… don't take anything from him…" I pleaded in desperation, begging in distraught. "You can take mine instead! All of my soul! Please! I beg you!" 

_ E̷͞v͠e͝n ̶t͜h̡͟o̸̷ų͟g̛h̨̕ I͘ ͝c͜ơu͜͠ld̵ ̨͝s̷̕͞av̸͡e ̷̨͢y͏oų ̴̸f̢͝ro͏m̡͘͟ t̶̛h̨͢e͟ ̡͢d͏e̷at̴̸͘h̡͡ _

_ "It is decided then…" _

_ "Not his life." _

_ "But the piece of this woman's soul and his sight." _

_ ̛I̕ ̴̵b͡r̡o͘͝ug̢̕͜ht ̸yo̶͠u̵̕ ̷͠int̨̨o ̷̧th̢e̶͢ ͜l͜i̧͠gh͠͞t͡le̛s̴͜͞s̢͠ ̸҉j͠͞ou̶rn̢҉͞e͏y̴ _

"No! NO!'

The scene in front of me was shifted again. My soul was thrown back to the tiny room, curling on the top of the wooden floor and under the yellowish light emitted from the lamp above. The pain was already lifted from me, yet the trace was still lingered all over my body.

"Eira?! Are you okay?!" Zeit hovered itself to my front.

I parted my lips, wanting to say a thing to the grimoire. However, what escaped from my throat was my sobbing cry, as I wept and lamented the fate befell on him.

I failed again.

I couldn't protect him. Just like what kept gnawing my heart days before. Just like what I predicted before.

I wanted to curse myself for my uselessness, for my inability to protect what I treasured, what I loved.

I was drowning in my tears. I was crying for hours, from the night to the midnight, and until the dawn. Until finally I sank in my slumber, for crying all night long.

* * *

The devastation welcomed me again, pulling me inside the suffering, torturing my soul as soon as I opened my eyes. I failed again, for many times. I couldn't save him. I couldn't ease his pain. I couldn't protect what I must protect. They took his sight, even though I already offered all of my soul.

I wished it was a lie. I wished what I heard from them was a lie, an imagination, an illusion. I w͜͡ish̸ȩ̴͡d͢ what I saw last night was a mere nightmare, created from my deepest fear and it was never happened.

The cold floor greeted me as its rough surface touched my cheeks. The faint line of sun rays cascaded to my face, making me squinting my eyelids from its dazzling light. The room was quiet, with no sound but my shallow breath. 

The bronze face showed itself inside my vision. I moved my gaze, following the grimoire who was floating so low it almost touched the ground.

"Eira...?" it was weird, I could feel a slight of sadness from the grimoire who was usually annoying and teasing me.

"Hi, Zeit," I caressed its face, curved my lips as I smiled toward the peculiar book in front of me. "Good morning…"

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I nodded then tried to raise my body. The hands that were supposed to support my body were shaking when I touched the ground to lift my upper body. My head was spinning, it made the view in front of me swaying, pulling me inside the drowsiness.

It was a struggle until I could make my body sit. I tilted my head down, put my hand on my forehead as I cast the healing spell on me to stop it from spinning and throbbing. I glanced at my phone which I dropped onto the floor last night and took it with my weak hand. There was nothing on the display, no messages from him, nor his friends.

"Ei̷ra͘͠?" The sudden knock on the door startled me, followed by a dulcet voice from the daughter of Amicitia.

"Yes…" even, the endeavor was required to stand up. I dragged my feet to the door and opened it with my trembling hand. The shivering didn't seem to stop, even though the pain was no longer there.

"Ei̡͟ra̛͢͞? Are you okay? I did wake you up this morning but you didn't respond," the frown marred her tiny face when she threw the questions at me.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"Almost lunch…" Iris replied.

"Oh… I'm sorry I was staying up late and forgot to set my alarm."

"It's okay, I was just worried because usually you're the first one to wake up."

"I'm sorry for making you worried," I caressed her hair, assuring her that I was fine.

"Um!" She nodded then smiled. "Oh! I almost forgot! I'd like to inform you that lunch will be ready soon. We'll wait in the dining room, kay?"

"Okay, thank you for your concern, Iris. I'll be coming down when I'm ready."

"Okay then," Iris turned her back and stepped toward the stairs.

"Ah, Iris!" remembering something, I called out her name, stopping her feet from climbing down the stairs.

"Yes?" she turned around and tilted her head in wonder.

"Any news from your brother?"

"Nope," she shook her head, and her answer just made me frustrated. Not even his brother contacted her.

"Okay. Thank you."

She nodded then continued to descend from the second floor.

I closed the door of my room then walked toward my bed, sitting on the edge of the soft mattress that made a small bounce when my body touched it. I looked down at the phone in my clutch then pressing the virtual keyboard on it, finding the name recorded in my contact and flicked the dial button.

It made a beep for three times until someone picked the phone.

"Ei̡͟ra̛͢͞?" there was a three seconds pause before the one beyond the phone let out his voice after picking up his call.

I held my breath after hearing the calmness of his voice. The pain struck my chest once again, grinding my heart because I knew he would maintain his composure. I couldn't feel the fragment of my soul inside him anymore. So that must be true, by the time I talked to him, he had already lost his sight now.

"Ignis…" I called him in my brittle voice. The tears welled up inside my eyelids for once more. 

"Yes."

"How are you?" I clutched the bed sheet underneath, trying to build a wall to prevent my cry from bursting out.

"I'm fine."

"The rite, it was going well?"

"... Yes." The usual pause he gave before answering was the way he hid the truth from me.

"Have no wound?" I could feel my voice getting weaker whenever I talk. The suffering was biting me from inside, gnawing my heart as I  threw the question, which I knew will be replied by him with his lie.

"No… not a scratch." He gave a brief pause between his words again. The line of tears was unbearably slipped down to my cheeks, making a trace of water on my skirt.

"Oh…" and it was the only words that slipped from my lips, as I tried hard not to sob.

"How about you? Did you sleep well? Did you eat well? You didn't hurt yourself like before, did you?" another line of tears streamed down from my eyes as he tossed the questions of concern on me.

_ You should worry about yourself... _

"I'm fine," my voice was quivering as I tried to control my breath so it wouldn't make any sobbing sound.

"Really? Your voice doesn't sound very good to me… Are you okay?" I covered the phone with my hand as I tried to fill my lungs with the air, preventing him from hearing my shaky breath.  _ He knew.  _

"No, I'm good. Ignis?" I sped up my speech, perhaps in that way I could hide my shaking voice.

"Yes?" every calm voice he made was only crushing me within.

"How's the weather today?" I covered my mouth as soon as I asked the question to him, trying to muffle my cry. He wouldn't tell me about his sight, I knew he wouldn't. That was why I would try to find it out in my own way.

"W-weather?" he stuttered.

"It's bright and sunny here. How's there?" I soften my voice, adding the fake cheerfulness inside my tone. 

"... It's clear here," he gave a slight pause again.

"How's the sun?" I inhaled deeply as I raised my head and stared straight at the window in my room.

"The sun?" 

"Do you see the sun?" my tears didn't want to stop, as it streamed down again, soaking my hand that covered my mouth whenever I finished my sentences.

_ ̷Th҉a̷͢t'̕͝s̵̢ ̵w͟hy͡ ̧I̛͘͝ ̢҉҉d̢̕e̵̶̵c͏̧i̢ded̴͘͢ _

"Ah… Yes… No clouds covered the sun." he lied. There was a hesitation inside his answer. And his usual slight pause whenever he lied was created between those words.

"Do you see it?" I knew my questions would torment him, because I, too, was being tormented by it.

"... Yes. Right from the window, I'm still inside the hotel though."  _ That pause again. _

"Ignis…" my voice was trembling even more. It was suffocating me, whenever I mentioned his name from my lips. It made me remember his agony scream from last night, inside the realm created by the ring.

_ ͠T͞o̷͞ s̸p͏e͡nd ̷t̷h̵e̷ ̛͞r͝͏est͏ ͞o͘͜f҉ ̕͟m҉y̧ ҉̷l̡̡͟i̢f͜͡e ̢͟t̡ơ̢͘ ̛͞f̢͟i͏̴̨n̵͘d̵ ͠a ̶̡͠w͘a͡y̨͢ _

"Yes," Yet, he still maintained his composure.

"I'll send you messages, a lot… a lot of it… make sure to reply to it… Okay?" I could feel my voice getting weaker in every word, it was almost like a whisper.

"... Okay."

"Well then… Please be safe." 

_ I'm sorry, it's hard to hear your voice. _

"Okay. You too... Please be safe."

_ I'm sorry... _

"Bye," I bit my lips right after I said the last word.

"Bye… E̵̕͏i̢̛͘r̶͏a̸̷."

I ended the call quickly, tilting my body forward as I drowned myself in sorrow. I gripped the phone in my trembling hands, as I held the sobbing to erupt from my lungs.

"Aa…" I wanted to scream, to howl my cry, to shout out my lament until the Astral's hearing my grief. Yet, I held it, forcing it to never let out, suppressing my woe so that no single soul would know. 

"I'm sorry…" I bent down my upper body even more until my face almost met my knees. I cowered, weeping, and wailing in silence. My mind was clouded in desolation. My soul was drowning in misery.

"I failed…" I bit my forefinger to mute my sobbing, trying to hurt myself so that I could forget the pain torturing my chest. Even though he said to me not to hurt myself.

"Eira…" Zeit levitated to my front. It didn't say anything since I greeted it when I woke up. It almost made me forget about him because he was too quiet.

"I'm sorry… I cried again…" I took a deep breath, trying to regain my composure. 

"Why do you apologize?"

"Hehe… Right. Why, indeed?" I let out a devastated giggle then forming a smile of deceit. I was exhausted from the endless cry.

"Are you really okay?"

"Of course, not," I chuckled, seeing the grimoire in front of me. I wondered what kind of expression that was given by Zeit if that bronze face could show it. What a shame that bronze couldn't make any of it.

"Right. That's right. Of course you're not okay." Zeit swaying its body to the right and to the left. "Come on! Stop crying!"

"How?"

"Eat! Let's eat! Iris will yell soon! You spend too much in your cry! It's only a matter of time until she comes here and drags you to the dining room!" 

I blinked after hearing that creepy book scolding at me. However I could feel the warmth crept my heart as soon as he finished his nagging.

"Thanks. Zeit." I moved my hand, wiping my tears with my quivering fingers. I fetched a deep breath, held it inside my lungs for a moment and exhaled it  in a long sigh . I tapped both of my cheeks with my palms to recover my composure. Until finally I could end my weep.

"Right! There's someone I should call!" I looked at the phone I gripped since earlier. The drops of tears staining the display, forcing me to wipe it with the bed sheets. I stared at it again then dialing another number.

"Ah… E…"

"Do not mention my name." I uttered my words as soon as the another person picked the phone. I was glad that he was able to answer my call, that means he was fine enough to do so.

"Err… umm okay…" his usual high pitch voice was getting lower. He must be puzzled by my demand.

"Prompto, is Ignis with you?"

"Yes…"

"Would you please get a bit farther from him?" I requested.

"Okay. Wait."

I sighed, waiting for him to do as I asked. I didn't want Ignis to overheard our conversation. I knew well, that he hid the truth because he didn't want to make me worry. He was always that kind of person, struggling to bear the burden alone.

"What's wrong?" Prompto asked, presumably already in a place where Ignis couldn't hear him.

"Is everything alright?" it was hard to maintain the calmness inside my tone.

"Hmm… N-no… not quite…" Prompto's words were stuttered. He had never been a skillful liar, too honest, and could never hide the perplexion in his voice. But that was his charm and his best feature.

"How about you? Are you okay?" I might know about Ignis's state, but how about him? I wouldn't be fine asking my request to him if he was injured too.

"I'm fine… Thanks for asking." His straight answer relieved my worry. 

"Thanks for answering."

"No prob. It's rare for you to call me... "

"I know. I'm sorry… Actually, I have a request… And I would be glad if you could help me." my eyes wandered, I glanced at the ceiling, the wall, the floor, at anything in the fidget.

"Yeah, sure. What is it?" Prompto was always a kind hearted man. I was sure, if it was him, he could help me.

"Ignis hid something from me."

"Y-yeah… I overheard your conversation. It was me who picked your phone tho'. A… umm forget it." Just like what I guessed. It was impossible for him to pick the phone after all. That was why there was a slight pause  when the call was being answered a few minutes ago.

"It's okay, Prompto." I closed my eyes in a brief moment, trying to calm my mind. I put my hands on my forehead  for t he heaviness shrouded my mind again,  and it gave a faint throbbing pain to my head. 

"No, I mean… Really! I'm not supposed to tell you. Actually I'd like to tell you since yesterday. But Ignis… he…" Really, he was always the most honest.

"He forbid you…" I guessed.

"Yes… N-no! I mean… He's okay. We're okay. Noctis still has not opened his eyes since he acquired the Hydraean power. But it's fine. He was just too tired. Oh, and, Ignis was also good! You don't need to be worried, Eira! Ah… I've talked too much. Sorry…" his voice was wobbly, going up and down. For an honest man like him, telling a lie was definitely the hardest. That was what I liked about him. I was grateful that there was this kind of man as the royal adviser's friend.

"He lost his sight?"

"W-wha…!" My question startled him, Prompto lost his words.

"Ignis lost his sight?" I rephrased my question.

"How do you know?" Prompto lowered his voice in disbelief.

"So it's true…" a huff escaped my lips. So it was real. The price was indeed his sight. The beads of tears flowing again in silence. Every second just added the pain in my chest. Every moment I spent just burdening me in agony.

"No, E̡̧̕įra̧̢͘. I'm not supposed to talk about this."

"It's okay. You didn't tell me anything, Prompto." My voice was hoarse. Of course it was. After all of the grief I did since last night, after all of the lament I endured, it created a sore in my throat.

"How do you know?"

"Hmm… I wonder how." _I'm sorry Prompto. After all the truth you gave me, I couldn't tell you anything._

"Uh… okay…"

"I'm sorry… Yet, in this kind of situation… I have a request for you." I started to blankly look at my feet. I was exhausted from all of this grief. I didn't want to think anymore.

"Um, what is it?" But his voice reminded me that I still needed to talk, to think, to grasp my consciousness.

"Would you please help him in my place? You know, I couldn't be there with all of you. And if he decides to continue his journey with the prince, would you please help him?" I pleaded, requesting his assistance for the one who had lost his sight due to my inability to sacrifice my own soul as the substitute of the blood price he must pay.

"You don't need to ask! I was going to do it after all!" He was really the most sincere.

"Thanks… Prompto…" a tiny small was curved on my face, relieved by his answer. Even though it didn't help me to ease my ache. At least, I knew that there was someone who was willing to aid my precious person.

"Not a problem, E̡̧̕įra̧̢͘."

"I prayed for all of your safety." 

"Thanks…"

I ended the call after bidding the farewell to Prompto, throwing my back to the bed and gazing at the ceiling above me. I managed my breath, inhaling and exhaling in measured rhythm. The tears had already stopped, but certainly, the devastation still lingered.

I drowned in my daze, staring blankly to the wooden ceiling. Sometimes my vision caught the grimoire that was hovering around.

Weird. Zeit was quiet. Too quiet.

Weird. Somehow I'd like to hear its annoying comment. Yet, it shut its mouth.

I was afraid.

I was shrouded in dread.

I hoped there would be no more grief like this.

I wished he would come home.

I wished by doing so I could try to heal him, restoring his sight, lifting his pain.

_ ͟T̶̛̛o̕ ̨͟l̢et͟ ̶y̕͞o͢͢͞u͟͟ ͝se̢҉͞e ͝t̵̸͟h͏e ͡s̵̢u̷̧n͞ ͠b̨҉̨r̵͟o̴̵u̷̧g͢h̢̨̡t̶͢ b̷̨y̸̷͞ y͜͝o͟u̕͢r̸̸͢ pr̴e̢̕͏c̵̢i̢o̧͘u̧s͟ ̷b̵͜r̵͝͡o̡͡ţ͟h͠e̴r͞ _

I prayed…

Even though my prayer was soon burning to the ashes.


	10. Promise

**CHAPTER 10**

* * *

I widened my eyes soon after I caught the blonde and the brown-haired man who were sitting in the dining room. Light had been drained from their face, leaving only gloom and mournful grief. I sought the figure I yearned, but what I found beside those two was only Iris who was sitting across her brother while soft sobbing escaped her throat. 

"He's in your room." 

I already parted my lips, but before I let out any question, Prompto already knew what I was going to ask.

I moved my feet hastily without even saying gratitude to him. I was impatient. My heart was throbbing roughly and loudly, as if trying to burst out from my chest. Every loud sound I made when I dragged my feet was like a rhythm of the eternity. The usual stairs seemed higher, and the usual hallway seemed longer. I never thought that my room could be this far from the dining room. But, this time the distance just made me agitated and restless.

I strode inside by opening the door roughly until it made a loud banging sound after its wooden surface hit the wall.

"Eir͢a̧? Is that you?"

I halted my body in the entrance when his figure entered my vision. Ignis was sitting straight on the bed facing the door. His usual front hair was not being swept up, letting the strands of his dirty blonde fall gently on his forehead.

I hurled my back to the door right after shutting it, leaning weakly onto its cold timber. I covered my lips as the tears fell swiftly from both of my eyes. I would like to take off my gaze from the man that was reaching the cane from his side, the one who then slowly arised from his seat by tapping his cane to the floor.

"Eira̕?" 

The tears escaped my eyes when I heard the way he called me in his gentle voice. I cried. Even though I was trying my best not to. But, it was too painful, and I couldn’t stop the sadness to shroud my mind. I couldn’t. I couldn’t… And the tears freely streamed down from my eyes, not letting me to stop them, even though I tried not to sob.

The spectacles he wore was the black one, covering his eyes with its dark shade. The visible scars were there on his left eyes, and a line of smaller scars marred his right forehead, the bridge of his nose, and his lower lips. 

I was sobbing, seeing the way he struggled to approach me, using his cane to guide his way since his eyes wouldn’t be able to. But I was too weak, I couldn't even move my legs as it lost its ability to support my body, making me slide down to the floor. I bent my back forward, trying to mute my cry with both my quivering hands. Even though I knew that it was a useless effort.

"Eir̡a... It's you, isn't it?" The tapping sound of his cane crushed me, hurting me in every movement it made. He threw his cane after he was a few inches before me, and he crouched before me. 

How could he know I was here? Was it because of the choked sob that tore me from my throat? Was it because the sniffles I made whenever I tried to fill my lungs with the torturing air?

His arms were stretching out into the air, trying to find me, searching for me. But at the same time, I could only drown in my tears, letting out a faint sniffle whenever I took my breath. 

I raised my head when the soft fingers of his brushing my cheeks, flinched by the warmth he gave through those hands.

"E̢i͢r̡a..." His voice was getting lower, as if being clouded by the sadness. 

"Ignis... " My brittle voice mentioned his name between my cries. It was hard for me to call out his name. The guilty gnawed me, shattering me from inside for I was the reason he lost his sight, since I failed to persuade _them_ to accept my soul, and because my soul was not worthy to _them_. 

As soon as I let out his name from my lips, he pulled my arm, burying my head onto his chest. He was also trembling and shivering, even though it was so vague, almost went unnoticed. His hands gripped my back, crumpled my dress with his strength. It was like he was striving to not crumble, to not showing his vulnerable side to me.

"I'm sorry… I lied," he whispered, leaving the faint trace of desperation in the air.

"Liar." I couldn't choose another word, but the one that I was sure would hurt him more. But, Ignis was a liar. He was. He didn’t tell me what happened to him. He pretended that he was okay.

But, I also was a liar. Because I knew what actually happened, and I let him lie to me. I let him believe that I didn’t know that he lost his sight.

"I am," and he just acknowledged the harsh word I threw at him. 

I bit my lips, trying to avert the pain that tortured my heart and let another pain to be inflicted on my skin. Perhaps, by doing so, I could forget the invisible ache in my heart. Even though, of course, it was futile.

"You lied." I didn’t know why I said those two words. Ignis just admitted that he was a liar. But, I was angry. I was angry that he lied to me.

Even though, actually I was angry at myself… Because I failed to protect him...

"Forgive me." The apologies that escaped his quivering lips stabbed my heart, deepening my wound which had no chance to heal itself.

Wrong. He didn’t need to apologize. It should've been me. I should be the one who apologized.

I moved my body, freeing myself from his embrace to stare at his eyeglasses then removing it from his face. His eyelids were tightly shut, even though it flinched the moment I took off the dark shade that was covering it. I placed the glasses on the floor while my other hand trailed the scar which marred almost the half size of his dashing face. Its surface was rough and uneven. It was hot, as if scorching from beneath. It wasn't even fully healed yet. It must still hurt him if I touched the scar like this. Even though he didn’t say anything.

I chanted the healing spell on him until the white magic circle formed its shape on his face. Yet, it was shattered a second I created it.

"E̢i͠ra͜?" Ignis furrowed his brows, calling my name in puzzlement which I didn't respond to. I wondered if he could perceive the light from my incantation.

I cast the spell for once more, yet the circle was destroyed again, making a cracking sound whenever it was ruptured.

"Ei̸r̢a͏? Answer me…" his hands cupped my face, rubbing his thumbs on my wet cheeks.

The tears haunted me again, together with fears and dread. I chanted the spell over and over, making him frown whenever the light touched his eyelids.

"Ei̷ra? What are you doing?"

I bit my lips and drew the circle again. However it couldn't heal him. It couldn't restore his sight. It couldn't help him. For five times, for ten times, for twenty times. I couldn't. I couldn't. I was unable to restore his sight. 

"Eira̢? Are you trying to heal me?" Ignis shook my shoulders, but it didn't stop me from casting my spells over and over. I gripped on his shoulders, struggling not to lose my consciousness as I kept casting the spells on him. It was a vain struggle, it was a useless attempt. But, I didn’t want to stop. I wished for the miracle to happen. But, I knew that it wouldn’t.

"Oi! Eira! You can't heal him this way!" Zeit's voice realized me that it was still hovering on my left. I glared at the grimoire, made it fall to the floor and close its bronze eyes. I knew. I already knew that it was indeed impossible to heal him with a mere healing spell. I didn't need anyone else to tell me that I wouldn’t be able to. But still, once again, I wished for a miracle to be granted.

Ignis made a slight startled move when the grimoire made a thud on the floor, he frowned and ready to ask about it. But then I dropped my head on his chest, panting as I drenched in sweat. It was only a simple spell, but doing it for many times caused a great burden on me.

"I'm sorry…" I mumbled. "I couldn't heal you. I'm sorry…"

"It's not your fault." The warmth from his arms as he circled me into his embrace made me shed my tears for once again.

"Ugh…" I bit my lips, muffling my woe so he couldn't hear it. Yet, it was unbearable, it was impossible to be endured. Even so, I didn't want him to hear my cry. I was afraid it would only destroy him, more and more.

An enormous magic circle was drawn under my feet. I cast the silence spell on my own voice. So that I could scream, letting the deafening woe from the deepest of my lungs without letting him to know.

Even though my body was shivering in misery, quivering in agony. At least, my scream wouldn't be heard. At least, none of the souls in this place would know me crying.

"Ȩi͢ra," his slender fingers stroke my head, while his other hand pulled me closer, until it almost suffocated me. The tears drenched his shirt, but I couldn't stop it from bursting out from my eyelids.

"I'm sorry…" his voice was getting weaker, more fragile than before. Yet, I only added the pain on him with my lament. 

I was determined to greet him with my smile which will never be seen by him. I was determined to not cry in front of him. But the fortress I built was destroyed at the moment we met. I was determined to comfort him, but he was the one who tried to comfort me.

I let out another scream inside my inconspicuous cry, making my body trembling unconsciously. My hands clenched onto the front of his shirt, rumpling the white cotton as if almost trying to tore it.

"E͞ir҉a…̵ E̕ira͠, please answer me... " he shook my upper arms after letting me cry for almost a minute, but I only released another muted scream.

"E͏ir̵a̴... " he then placed his head on my shoulder, brushing his face on it. "Please… Stop it…"

"Ugh…" the effect of my silence spell was over, and the sobbing voice succeeded to escape from my lips. I murmured, "Why was it always like this? ... Why am I always unable to save anyone?"

"Eir͘a͘... " 

"Why couldn't I save you?"

"E͜ira… Do not say something like that…"

"Why?"

He moved his head then made his nose meet mine. He stayed still for a few seconds before he slowly brushed his lips on mine. It was only in a fleeting moment, and he then whispered, "Ei͠r̴a͝…͟" 

"I'm sorry…" I mumbled, and after I finished my words, he kissed my lips again. I closed my eyes and let him to do as he pleased.

It was weird.

I was shrouded in agony a few moments ago, but only with a simple kiss from him, the misery was then being diluted into the one of serenity. 

He parted his lips for a moment, taking a soft and deep breath then tilted his face to me until our lips met again. The heart within my chest was fluttering whenever his warmth swirled inside mine. His hand that was caressing my hair started to push my head toward his face, while the other one circled around my hips and pulled my body closer to him.

We parted away our lips, and I opened my eyes as soon as his soft skin left mine. He then moved his face again as his nose started to roam toward my right cheek. The soft skin from the point of his nose stroked my skin whenever he moved. He then kissed my eyelids, my forehead, my cheek until he tilted down his head and went on to my jawline, down to my neck then he made a slight stop to inhale my scent from there. I always loved how tender his touch was. It felt like I was being loved, being needed, being desired. 

"Ęira̛…͜ Do you finally stop crying?" The heat of his breath left a ticklish sense on my skin, it made the shiver down my neck as I involuntarily tilted my head upward, granting him the permission to brush his lips on it. He inhaled deeply before raising his face to plant a kiss on my cheek.

His hands started to explore my body, right from the curve of my neck and down to my arm. He intertwined our fingers, pulling my hand to his lips then gave a slight kiss on each of my fingers. He never did something like this before. Was it because he couldn't sense me with his vision so that he tried to perceive me in that way?

Ignis moved his head, trailing my left shoulders with his lips. He gave a brief pause when his lips touched the silver chain of the necklace he gave me before he departed from Insomnia. He caressed it downward until his forefinger reached the clover pendant.

“You wear it.” 

The way he whispered those words just adding the fluttering in my heart. Did he know that his voice was definitely the one of seduction? 

“Never I took it off. Not even a second.” I glanced at him and the heat crept into my cheek as he started to smirk. He slipped his fingers between the strap of my dress and my skin, slowly sliding it down from my shoulders. And that was when he sank his teeth on my skin, creating the mark on it.

I crumbled because of the delicate touches of his lips. The way he ran his hands on every part of my body tenderly causing the scenery to disappear. I craved his touch, and he granted me the wish I yearned for since he left to cross the sea. Perhaps, because he couldn’t see me with those emerald eyes anymore, so that he let his hands perceive every inch of my presence, as if he tried to study all the details of me. Probably, due to the same reason, he always took a deep inhale from my scent whenever he moved his face toward a different part of me.

All of sudden, he already crawled above me, devouring me with his tender yet fiery and passionate touch. His touch was a bit different from the usual, it was deeper and slower. He added more pressure whenever his palm traveled on my skin, it was like he tried to know every curve of me, intimately more than before he lost his sight. Perhaps, he tried to visualize my shape inside his mind because he could no longer look at it with his eyes.

There was no bedsheet I could clutch. What beneath me was a hard and rough wooden floor. What I could only reach was his shoulders as he leaned his body in, pressing me under his strength. 

Losing his sight didn’t hinder him from giving me the pleasure I longed for, as he kept moving in slow and steady pace, filling the void inside me with his warmth. We were enveloped by our muffled sound, drenching in each other sweat until what was left inside our mind was only the satisfaction and the exhaustion.

The tender brush of his lips melting me for once again as we ended our desire. Even though the scar was there on his lower lips, it didn’t diminish its attractiveness, for I was tempted by its slight rough surface. 

I pushed his body until he leaned between my arms then kissed him again as I closed my eyes, giving another fragment of my soul through my spell, just like what I did before he departed to Altissia. A faint and warm light faded into his body as I finished offering him the piece of my soul that I hope could protect him for once again.

I gazed at the man underneath me, trailing my fingers on his scar. Once the passion was leaving me, the sorrow returned back to me, piling my heart with the misery and suffering.

The dirty blonde then arose from his position and took a seat in front of me. “What’s wrong?”

He was unable to see my expression, but he knew that I was clouded in the anguish. So it was true that the blind man actually could see through another sense?

“No. I’m fine. Here, let me help you to button your shirt.” I pulled the collar of his shirt, fixing its position and started to button it from the top.

“Ęira̵?”

“Yes?”

“Will you forgive me?”

“For?”

“Being a liar.”

I halted my movement as I stared at his face. Lips slightly part opened, I huffed after giving a long pause then replied, “Tell me your story then…”

Ignis took a deep breath, as if trying to maintain his composure before opening his mouth again.

"It was my solemn vow to protect the prince… and I admit that it was my carelessness to put the Ring of Lucii on my finger…" he placed his forehead on mine as he started to explain. "But there was no other way… I didn't have enough power so that I begged the King of Lucis to lend me their strength through the ring…" 

I closed my eyes hearing his story. I already knew about it, but listening to it from his lips directly gave a peculiar relief in me. It meant he trusted me enough so that he could share his misery.

"I already knew the consequences, yet I did it anyway." I could feel he strengthened his grip on my body while citing his story. "I was prepared for anything worse. But… "

Ignis was always calm and composed. Yet, the man in front of me was shivering, letting out the brittle voice which I never heard before, for fifteen years we knew each other.

"It's painful after all… Being unable to see you anymore is painful after all…"

I bit my lips hearing his suffering. The tears streamed down from my eyelids, again and again, adding the new wound in my heart, shattering my soul for once more.

I opened my eyes, seeing how the frown marred his face as he struggled to hold the bursting emotion from within. His expression at this moment was the one I wished to never be shown on his visage. It pained me. It hurt me. It shattered me.

The line of tears slipped down from his right eye, then another one fell from the left one. The tears I wished to be never seen. Why must he suffer? After all of the sincerity and kindness he did, why should he be tormented?

I trailed my fingers to the trace of his tears and gently wiped it away. I brushed my lips, just like what he did to me when I couldn't stop my tears. The quiver on his body was slowly perished the moment our lips found each other.

"I'll restore your sight." 

_I͏̷f̸͝ y̕҉͜o̶̸ur ̨͞s̛͞o̢͝ļe҉͢m̕̕͠n͝͡ ̛vo̵w̛ ̢͞w͏̷͘a͜͝ş to̶͠ ̵͝pr͢o҉̷̵t̨͝e҉͜c͟ţ͝ ̷͟t̵h҉e̸ p͡r̵i̴nc̨͟͝e,̡͏̕ ̡m̸̕͝y̷ ̢o̡̨̢a̷t̴̸h̴ ̛͡w̷͟as t̵̛o̶͡ ̡̧͠p͏ro͏͡t̡e͏̴҉c͢͢͟t̕͞ y͢͝ou҉.҉̛̕_

"E͘ira͏…͢"

"I'm a witch afterall."

"E̷ira̕… It's okay. You don't need to."

"You doubt me?"

"No… I'm just afraid that you'll hurt yourself again like the other day." 

I gave a slight chuckle then kissed his lips again. 

_The fate was indeed cruel. The tragedy that crushed you was indeed unfair. You did your sacrifice, you presented the world your kindness, your sincerity, your loyalty, but what was given to you was the agony._

"I'll restore your sight. I promise."

_E̸v̕e̷n̕ ̴̧ţh̵̶oug͡҉h͝͠ i̵t ̴͏ki̸l̢l̵s͏̵ ̴̢m̛͡e͜.̡_

* * *

“Why did you give your soul again to that man?!” The grimoire was yelling at me soon after I cast the spell at it which made it move freely. It swayed in rage and boiled in anger. The scream was deafening, I needed to cover my ears with my palms and step back from the creepy bronze face. “You think that it was no big deal?! You lost all of your soul, your death is guaranteed!”

“But it was only the second time?” I frowned. “Approximately, I still have 7 left?” 

“Yeah, right! Right! And after that you would become a soulless piece of meat!” 

“You expect that he’ll die everyday?” I sighed then walked to my wardrobe, opened it, and examined the inside. I bought a few new clothes from Lestallum from the money I got by healing the refugees, but knowing that I would leave Cape Caem tomorrow, I was really confused about how much clothing I should bring. Perhaps carrying all of them wouldn’t be a big trouble though, as I still had my car to keep all of my belongings.

“He’s blind! You think he’ll survive walking around in the dark, killing the daemon or monster out there? And what? You’ll give your soul to him whenever he dies?” I tossed my clothings on my bed, bewildered by the sentences it threw at me.

“Zeit. You say something like that anymore, I’ll really tear you apart.” I glared at the dead bronze eyes on my left side.

“And what? I know you still need me. You really wanted to do that spell right?! You think you can do that without me?” Zeit didn’t back off as he added the fuel to the flame of my wrath. I stared at it for a second then threw my vision elsewhere. I took a deep breath to control my vexation, then diverted my attention away from the grimoire by folding my clothings and squeezed them inside my bag.

“No matter what, I’ll bring back his sight.” I zipped my bag then put it on the floor beside my bed.

“You’ll need ten years to learn that spell.” I knew that his words were meant to discourage me, detering me due to the heavy consequence of the incantation I would like to learn which I forced him to tell me a few days after I had lost the most precious emerald eyes in my life.

“Fair enough.”

“Thousand of magic circles and you already lost two fragment of your soul! You’ll not survive for even ten of it. You’re not as strong as my previous master. You lack of knowledge and experience.”

“One.” I glanced at my bag and levitated it under my spell. “Two.” I looked at the vase on the table and made it float at the same time. “Three.” The desk in front of me lifted to the air.

“Oh, you want to disprove my words.”

“Four.” I gave a slight smile then raised the pillow. _It is indeed hard._

“Well, let’s see…” 

“Five.” The other pillow followed, but I started to pant.

“Six. Seven. Eight. Nine.” The radio, the chair, the bedside table, and the night lamp floated. I could feel my arms trembling and my feet weakened, ready to slide down to the floor anytime soon.

“Ten.” For the last, I raised the bed and made it floating along with other furniture. I began to feel the heaviness in my chest, then decided to send them back to its places.

“Not bad, although you strained your body.” 

“But I did survive, right?” I smirked at the grimoire, even though a line of blood were slipping from the corner of my lips. I tossed my body to the bed and sat on it, bending my back forward as I tried to endure the pain inside my chest. This kind of wound couldn’t be healed by my own magic.

_Creak..._

I startled and rashly swept the blood with the back of my hand when suddenly the door was opened by someone. I didn’t know whether I should be relieved by the fact that the dirty blonde man over there was unable to see me, or should I be sad by the fact that he couldn’t perceive it with his sight?

“Eira, the dinner is almost ready… Would you like to eat together with everyone?” He only came back today, but he already knew the way to my room without anyone’s help.

“Yeah! Of course!” I stood up then walked to my desk. The pain was still there inside my chest but I tried to endure it. I took the tissue which I placed on my desk and wiped the trace of blood on my face roughly.

“I smell something different…” My heartbeat was almost stopped when hearing the sentence thrown by Ignis who was standing by the entrance to wait for me. _He knew…?_

“What do you mean? There’s nothing different...” I slowly spitted the rest of my blood, then threw those tissues inside the trash bin. I walked toward him and gently held his upper arm, leading him to leave my room. I cast a spell to burn the tissues so it won’t leave the evidence right before I closed the door, afraid that he would notice the smell of blood again.

“Is it blood?” He started to have a doubt. His smelling sense was truly horrifying.

“It must be your feeling. Come on… Please watch your steps.” I tried to distract him then walked in front of him, leading him to climb down the stairs. It actually hurt to walk, but I could only bite my lips so I wouldn’t let out my cry.

The scenery that came into my sight was not a pleasant one since the gloom was smeared on every face inside this room. 

Gladiolus was reading the magazine with a blank stare. I wondered whether he really read it or not. 

The usually cheerful blonde man beside him were just fiddling with his gloved finger. His blue eyes wandered around, traveled beyond his own mind. 

Talcott who was always in high spirits, now only sat silently in front of Prompto while staring straight at the cactuar miniature on his hands. Perhaps, it was the one that was bought by the prince in Altissia when the boy asked him to buy the limited edition there the day right before his voyage.

However the prince was unable to pass it on Talcott directly, because he was slumbering inside the crystal, with no certainty when he would open his eyes and restore the light back to this world. 

Noctis was the irreplaceable presence inside those souls inside this room, without him, it certainly inflicted the suffering within.

I pulled the chair beside Prompto and let Ignis sit there. I took a seat next to him afterwards, browsed the room to find Iris and caught her cooking with Monica. Dustin was usually inside the lighthouse, so I didn’t find it weird not seeing him in this room.

“Oh everyone is already here!” Iris took a glance from the kitchen then took a plate and brought it to the dining table. “Ta-da! It’s my special handmade cooking!”

Iris never failed to amaze me with her forbearance. She was sobbing this afternoon, yet, she showed her brightest smile now, even in the middle of a somber atmosphere. She was the one who suffered the most, unable to see the one she loved. However, she kept smiling, even creating the delicious dishes for others to cheer them up.

“Finally!!” Prompto who was gloomy a few moments ago raised his head at last. “I can’t wait! Finally this time has come!” He rubbed his hands and straightened his back. Not even once second he took his gaze from the plate Iris brought until she placed it on the table.

Monica brought another plate, and when I raised to help them, she told me to sit and not mind them. She gave a smile at me and I could just reply with a nod.

Everyone tried to brighten the dinner by small chatter. However, I could see how much they struggled not to mention Noctis inside the conversation. Because, mentioning that name would only bring the sadness back to envelope us.

When we enjoyed our dessert, Gladio raised his voice, calling the attention of the people inside the room.

“Tomorrow, Iris, Talcott, Monica, Dustin and I will depart to Lestallum. We can't be living here longer because it's getting more dangerous. The daemons are increasing and they start to attack other outposts. It won’t be long until they start to spawn around here. So I'd like to ask you, Prompto and Ignis. What will you do?”

“I…” Prompto opened his mouth but it seemed that he hesitated and then decided not to say anything. He crossed his arms and leaned his back to the chair, looking down on his laps. He has no family, he has no lover, he was truly alone. He must be suffering, not knowing where to go. It hurt me when I remembered that the retinue had already become his home.

“There’s something that I need to confirm in Galdin Quay,” Ignis stated, “And Eira would be with me.”

“Eh?? Eir͏a̡ ͞will not go to Lestallum with us?” Talcott who was sitting across Prompto leaned his body forward. He frowned as he looked at me with disappointment.

“No. But I’ll promise to visit you sometimes!” I gave off a smile, trying to reassure the kid who was like my own younger brother.

“Really?!” Talcott's eyes were widened in excitement.

“Yes.” I nodded.

“Actually it would be better for you to go to Lestallum.” Ignis slightly moved his face toward me who was sitting on his left side.

“The negotiation is over, Ignis.” I held his hand which he placed on his lap, looking at the man as he sighed. It was indeed hard to persuade him until he agreed, and I didn’t want to repeat the same argument over and over again.

“So… Everyone will really part their way?” the gloom tainted Prompto’s voice. It was really hard to hear him speaking with that kind of tone. His voice was smeared in loneliness, and so did the expression he made.

“How about you Prompto? You’ll go to Lestallum too?” Gladio asked, partly uttered the suggestion inside his question.

“No… I… I want to visit Hammerhead for once. Maybe... After that I’ll join the hunter and help the people to make a safe outpost.” Prompto sounded hesitant, but at least he tried to decide.

“Prompto, how will you get to Hammerhead anyway?” Ignis's concern raised the same question in my head. Gladio and Iris would possibly ride Monica and Dustin’s car, and Ignis of course would use my car.

“Hmm…. Don’t know…” Prompto looked at the ceiling then tilted his head. “Hijacking?”

“What?” Ignis frowned, perhaps he couldn’t get the joke. “Are you serious?”

“You could use my car then,” I giggled hearing the two of them. “We’re going in the same direction, anyway.”

“Yeah, hijacking is not the option,” Gladio chuckled then brushed the small shoulder of his blonde friend with his firm hand until Prompto bent his torso forward.

“So… Today will be our last day together?” Iris opened her mouth, as the smile already disappeared from her face. 

“We’ll meet again! For sure! When dawn comes!” Prompto placed both of his hands on the table and leaned forward, facing Iris who was sitting in front of his brother. “And when that time comes, please treat me with your handmade cooking again! We will reunite again, and also that sleepyhead prince who is sleeping now!”

Ignis clenched his fist underneath my palm. He knew. He knew that when dawn came, the prince would pay it with his life. It was after he calmed himself that he agreed to tell all of his story, including the glimpse of the future he saw after acquiring the power of the Kings. Hearing how Prompto’s words would never become true must have pained him again.

“Right.” Gladio nodded in agreement. “We will celebrate when the time has come.”

“I hope Noctis will awake soon…” Iris tilted her head down. Even though she had stated her wish, her tone was shrouded in misery.

“By the meantime, we should protect this world, for Noctis’s sake too.” Gladio clenched his fist as he placed them on the table. I could feel the determination through his voice and the expression he made.

“Yes…” Prompto nodded, strengthened by the words from his friend..

“I also will learn how to fight! I’ll crush all of that daemon!” Talcott stood abruptly from his seat and raised his fist on the air. "I'll make Noctis proud of me!"

"Me too! I'll fight those…"

"Iris, not you!" Gladio cut out Iris's sentence, making his sister pout in disagreement.

The clenched fist under my arm slowly relaxed itself, as the stiff shoulders of its owner were loosening. I gazed at the dirty blonde man beside me, and he moved his head to face me, even though my presence wouldn't be reflected on his eyes anymore. Did he feel my gaze?

His harsh expression melted into the one of tenderness as he intertwined his slender fingers with mine.

_I҉͜'̶l̵͜͠l̶̢ ҉r̢e̕͢s̸t͘o͠r͜͞e̵ ̨̢y҉o͝ur̕ s̛҉ight͞͞_

The world we were in was slowly devoured by the darkness. We no longer had the blue sky above us. We no longer had the scorching sun that spread its warmth to us. We no longer had the moon smiling between the shimmering stars. Only the eternal twilight which will be shifted into the eternal night.

_̴͠I'̨l̢l̕ ҉͏br̕͝in͝g͟ ͝b̷̡͢a̛͟c͜͞k̛ t̡h̡e ̵͏s͟͟͞u҉n̢̨ ̸t͢o͜͡ ̡yo̵͠u̢͠r̡͞ ̨w̧͏o͝r̕l̷̸͝d̸͢_

Even so, we would keep living and praying for the dawn.

_E̵v̕en ҉t͟͏hơu҉̴҉g̶̶h̕ y͢҉o͠҉u̧͢ w͞i̷̸͘l҉͝ļ͢ ̵n̸ot̢ ͟ca͢l̷l̕͡͡ ҉͞m͢y͝ ̷na̸̧̡m͡e ͏a͞n̛͡͝y̸m͏̸o҉͏r̷͟e̛͝_

  
  



	11. The Gift from [B]rother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer than previous chapters, around 9,000 words. Happy reading!

**CHAPTER 11**

* * *

**M.E. 766**

“We’ve lost her…” I kneeled in front of a woman of the Kingsglaive. The hand in my grasp was still warm, but her heart had already stopped beating. She lost an enormous amount of blood when other glaives carried her, slashed by the huge sword carried by the Iron Giant they said. 

“I’m sorry.” Those were the only words that haunted me these recent days, being repeated over and over from my lips. Whenever I failed at saving someone's life, whenever I couldn't heal the wound, what I could say was "I'm sorry." 

“She’s my best friend… We have known each other since our childhood,” the other woman cried, and her brittle voice killed me slowly from within. She was the one who carried her, frantically dashed inside the base even though she herself was badly injured. Her glaive suit already stained in blood, the splatter of red liquid also smeared her face. But what hurt  me the  most was the tears that flowed down her cheeks.

I stood up, looking down at the lifeless glaive  who had already been sleeping in eternal slumber . The remorse and sorrow devoured me  as I saw her , with regret due to my incapability to save another soul. It was the third this month, and perhaps the fortieth this year.

I could only clench my fist in dejection. If only they allowed me to go out there on the front line, this soul would have a greater chance to be saved. I could fight. I was not weak. In a single spell I was capable of burning hundreds of daemons into the ashes. Afraid of risking the medic they said, but I was more a witch than the healer.

I only stared blankly at the blood stained bed, even after other Kingsglaive brought her body away from it. I was crippled in my own grief, paralyzed by the bereavement. She was not even close to me, but still… 

“E͞ir͠a,” A harsh voice startled me, awoke me from the distraction created in my mind. 

I looked at the source of the voice, Cor the Immortal. His stolid expression was intimidating, while his light blue eyes inspected mine. I stepped backward and held my head high. “Yes, sir!”

“How many days have you spent by not sleeping?” the frown marred his firm countenance.  From those lustrous blue eyes of him, I could sense his discontentment.

“Medic never sleeps.” I shrugged. giving a thin smile to the most respected man in the entire Kingsglaive. But I was the only one who dared to reply to him in a stubborn and obstinate manner. 

Cor was the only one who was kind enough to talk to me everyday whenever he was in the base, comforting me when I must be separated from Ignis, and giving me the information regarding that man as often as possible. 

He promised Ignis that he would protect me as long as I was staying here in Insomnia. And these past three years, he had helped me for many times. At one time, I had lost my necklace, and he was the one who found it for me. And since, I could say that we were getting closer, and I also found it fun talking to the stern marshal. He wasn’t as scary as his look.

“Take a rest, we cannot risk losing another medic here. You’re exhausted enough,” he coerced me in his demanding tone.  But, e ven with that kind of tone, I knew that he was only showing his concern, the form of his thoughtfulness to all of his family called Kingsglaive,  Crownsguard , and also me. 

"I'd like to refuse."  The displeasure was clearly shown on the pair of his blue eyes soon after I uttered the sentence. I sighed then continued my words, "But knowing that it will cause commotion, I'd take the offer granted." I bowed, performing a curtsy. It had been ages since the last time I did the gesture.

"Good then." He gave a soft smile  then patted my head. Clearly, he treated me as a child. I was already in my early thirty though.

“Please do not hesitate to wake me anytime.” I smirked, moving myself away from the marshal and walked to the broken escalator.

“You don’t want to use the bed? You do know that it’s on the first floor right?” Cor called me.

“No need!” I waved my hand while climbing to the second floor of Kingsglaive basecamp.

There was a small room on the second floor filled with a lot of documents we gathered from either library, hospital, or previous military base. This was my favorite place, where I could shut myself in reading those literature. I could consider it as my private room.

I also put the brewing pot here, neglecting the ventilation, I knew. But I created a lot of potions with it. And through my magic, it was easy to prevent the fire to burn that small room. 

Sitting  on the floor,  I leaned  my back  against the wall  in the corner of the room. I took a deep breath then stared blankly to the document cabinet across the room, trying hard to relax my stiff shoulder.

“Eira, better you start to sleep.” Zeit, who always accompanied me, started its lecture, "You haven't slept for three consecutive days. You didn’t even notice me when I called you and told you that the boss was calling!"

"Thanks for your concern, Zeit. You know, you're getting kinder these days."

"I'm not! Come on! Just sleep!"

"Hehe.. Right away!" A magic circle was formed in front of my face. I cast a sleeping spell on me, but it didn't seem to work anymore. Overusing could make the object immune, right?

"You'll sleep eventually without the spell! Just lie down and close your eyes! Foolish!" Zeit lectured me again which then I responded by a soft giggle.

I  lay down on my back, gazing at the broken white ceiling. Reverie seemed fond on me, for trapping me over and over in it. 

I recreated the memories in my mind.

Those shimmering emerald eyes that I loved… The soft voice that I adored...

How long since then?

Too far as it was unreachable.

* * *

**M.E 756 - 763**

How did it feel when the sun was no longer there to spread its warmth to the world? It was cold, depressing, inflicting the fright and dread to the living being. We couldn’t find the smile adorned the face, nor the laughter that filled the atmosphere. The wind only gave the chill to our body, not the heat, not the hope, only the grief and misery.

Whenever we raised our head, we wouldn’t see the bead of the bright light, nor the blue hue that spread in the sky. Whenever we saw our tickling clock that showed us the night had come, we would never be greeted by the moon and stars. It was only the ocean of the darkness and despair.

It was just right before I left from Hammerhead after driving Prompto there, when I remembered to ask him about the photograph. The one that he took in Lestallum, the picture of Ignis and me. I knew that I would miss those moments, so that I decided to ask him about it.

“Prompto.” I called.

Prompto halted his steps, turning his body to me. Ignis was talking to Takka inside the restaurant, so that he wouldn’t know what I would like to ask from Prompto. I was afraid that by requesting the picture to Prompto would only hurt him, reminding him of the scars on his own eyes. Because… Ignis would never see the pictures taken by his friend anymore….

“Yeah?” Prompto replied, with his smile that was so bright and pure. I wished it would never be stained by the sorrow. I wished this carefree man was always smiling, even though his home had been snatched away from his life, even though his world was slowly painted in gloom.

“Do you still have the photo you took of Ignis and me in Lestallum?” I played with my fingers, a bit fidgeting due to my own request. I should  have known that I didn’t need to be nervous toward him, but, perhaps because I was too shy so that I could feel my heartbeat in tumultuous thudding. “Can I have it?”

“Sure! I’ve printed all of my pictures before leaving from Altissia actually.” He then opened his bag, took the brown envelope from inside then dug up the photos in it. It needed a lot of effort so we decided to take a seat on the white chairs in front of the caravan and spreaded the photos from the envelope onto the table. “I wished I could show him to everyone… but…”

We were engulfed in silence. I found it hard to choose the appropriate words. At the same time, Prompto was just hurting himself by his own words. Ignis was blind and the prince was already slumbering inside the crystal, hence he was unable to show it to everyone. 

I clenched my fists, trying not to let the emotion take control. It was too cruel, too harsh, seeing how the four brothers parted their way. They, who always laughed whenever they were together then, now drifted away due to the fate.

“Ah! Found it!” his high-pitched voice startled me as he raised the pictures with his hand. He took a glance at it for the last time, let out a small giggle then passed it on me. “This one is hilarious.”

“Really, he’s so awkward in the first photo.” I chuckled after seeing the pictures in my hand. There were two photos from him. The first one was when Prompto suddenly called out our names so that we had no chance to make a proper pose. The second one was when Ignis intertwined our fingers and we smiled together at the camera. My mind almost wandered into reminiscence after I spent more than five seconds staring at the fleeting moment that was captured on the thick paper, the feeling of nostalgia caused by memories from a few weeks ago. We were laughing then, breathing in carefree moments under the bright sky. However those smiles were snatched away, by the absence of light.

“Right!” Prompto replied to me with his chuckle then cleaned up the photos back, keeping it inside the brown envelope without even taking a deep glance at each of it. I knew, he urged me to take a look at every picture he took, to reminisce the smiles from the past, but he averted his eyes, avoiding to glance at it even for a second then quickly put it inside his bag.

“You really don’t want to join us?” I put the pictures inside the pocket of the inner part of my jacket, zipped it then raised my body from the seating.

“Nah! It’s fine. I don’t want to disturb both of you.” he shook his head and gave a slight smile.

“How understanding.” I chuckled, and at the same time, Ignis got out from the restaurant. I walked forward to approach Ignis, holding his upper arm then gazed back at Prompto who stood in front of us. A smile was curved on his freckles face, but what I saw was a man who struggled to hold his tears.

“Well then, Prompto. Please be safe.” I smiled at Prompto. His blue eyes hid a feeling beneath, the sadness and loneliness. If I could, I’d like to force him to be with us yet he had refused me for many times.

“We’ll meet again.” Ignis raised his right hand forward which was then greeted by Prompto with both of his hands.

“Right. With our King.” Prompto nodded. Their handshake was only a second, then ended by the few light taps from Prompto on Ignis's upper arm. "Have a safe trip!"

“Prompto. Do not forget to eat balanced meal. Do not strain yourself. Make sure to rest well.” Ignis started to lecture Prompto which then returned by Prompto's chuckle.

“Understood. Mommy.”

* * *

My memory was swaying again, trailing the moments I spent in the past years. I wondered why I would remember it? Perhaps, because I missed his presence so much that now my dream was replaying the past?

Ten years seemed like an eternity, but at the same time it felt like a mere second. 

It was one month after the night fall when Ignis started to relearn his cooking skill. Even though I was the one who cooked for him those days, he kept insisting to do it by himself. 

I rushed to his aid when he carelessly touched the hot metal from the pan, healing the burning mark on his fingers with my healing spell. I would like him to stop. But the determination he showed me through his expression prevented me from pleading.

It was two months after the haven lost its protection spell because the Oracle's power had disappeared together with her death. The hunter began to set up bright lamps on the haven, creating temporary outposts there to support other hunters or refugees.

At that time, the life inside the caravan in Galdin Quay was already comfortable enough for me. Yet, that one day I was very anxious because Ignis was not there after I came back from the restaurant after I helped treating the wounded refugees from Altissia.

I rushed outside and looked for him. My heart was stopped in a second, I was so worried. But then I caught his figure on the fishing spot. 

He was fishing. 

"How carefree!" This time I agreed with the critique from Zeit.

I ceased to walk, sighing in relief and let my wobbly feet fall to the sand. I hugged my knees and gazed at him from afar. 

I remembered how he often called me whenever the prince made a brief stop to fish. Maybe, he missed Noctis so bad he started to do the prince's hobby. And this time, I would be the one who waited for him, just like what he did to the prince.

It was three months after the sky was only showing the eternal twilight when Ignis finally could fight by himself. He prevented me from helping when a few daemon showed themselves around us. It worried me, but what I could only do was gripping my rifle in my arms, silently aiming at the daemon, so that if there was something wrong, I could pull the trigger right away.

However, it was unnecessary. He did slay those daemons with his daggers, pierced them with his spear. I dashed at him soon after the last daemon disappeared into the dust, throwing my head into his broad chest and circling my arms around his hip. He chuckled hearing how I yelled at him that I was worried. His smirking lips then brushing mine in a fleeting moment before he caressed my head in tenderness.

I didn't want him to get hurt, even though I could heal him in instance. Still, I was shrouded in fear, afraid that if everything was too late and I lost him again.

It was six months after the sun was clouded by the grey shades above, when Ignis decided to visit Lestallum after we left Galdin Quay. What a coincidence, he met with Gladiolus and Prompto there. But it was only for two days, when they decided to separate their way again.

I wished they would spend their time longer. Yet, Ignis unconsciously uttered his mind. "We can't afford to band together, since we know it won't be the same without Noct." That was why they avoided each other as much as possible. 

The pain was pricking my chest, hearing how deep the ache created by the absence of their King. Even being together became unbearable, they forced themselves to not fight together.

The first year in a world with no certainty  had passed. The population was decreasing since the people were turned into daemon.

That one night Ignis and I stayed at Galdin Quay once more after we did some hunting quest around the Leide. He was already outside when I woke up, talking to the man named Dino not far from our caravan. I could see Ignis put something inside his pocket, and soon after I approached them, Dino waved his hands, saying goodbye to both Ignis and me.

"What's that?" I asked before we entered my car, curious by the thing he did.

"... Hmm? What?" he gave a slight pause before answering. His habit whenever he hid something from me.

"You put something inside your pocket. What's that?" I repeated my question, struggling not to show my impatience.

"... Dino helped me to pick up the key I dropped."  _ That pause again. _

“He lied! He's a liar!” The annoying Zeit swayed on my left, blurting out its mockery toward Ignis which I ignored.

"What key?" I looked at the man, observing his composed expression. He  had become an expert in lying, it seemed.

"... Key to enter the Royal Tomb." He was lying, definitely. "Should we go?" He even took initiative to divert my attention with his suggestion and entered the car before me.

"Fine." I wanted to persuade him, but he was that kind of man, wouldn't want to talk unless he ought to. I brushed off my curiosity, entered my car and drove it to our destination, one of the royal tombs in Balouve Mines.

It was two years after the night gradually getting longer when I could use twenty spells at the same time. However it was only easy spells, such as sleep, stop, haste, and float. Zeit said that the spell I wanted to use was hundred times harder than those spells. I wondered if I really could do that.

I kept training my mind and physique. However, killing the daemon was not enough, because Ignis would finish them quickly before I had a chance to do some more experiments with them. That was why sometimes I cast my spell to the withering leaves, toward the broken stone, and the dead trees.

It was three years after Ignis and I started our journey. I could run faster than before after we spent six months going back and forth to Rock of Ravatogh, collecting rare materials that were said capable of giving the energy at the same potential as meteor shards.

The effect of my magic had significantly increased and it lasted longer than before. I could cast  _ haste _ on Ignis and me at the same time, so we could climb faster.

"You really need seven more years, Eira." even so, it was not enough. My power was not enough to do the spell I needed to restore Ignis's sight.

It was four years after the world engulfed in the dark. Every night, I woke up just to look at Ignis's sleeping face. He often furrowed his brows and let out a soft groan as if his eyes were in ache. That was when I cast the healing spell to reduce his pain. Sometimes he noticed when the circle was formed above his left eye, and slowly opened his greyish white eyes. 

He couldn’t open it before since it was hurting him whenever his eye was not covered with his eyelids. He just could do that recently, when I noticed that the healing spell I used at him could reduce the pain in him. However, it was still impossible to restore his sight by a mere healing spell. Although Ignis confirmed that he could perceive the light better compared to the four years ago.

“E͜ir̸a̶, are you there?” His soft whisper was always capable of melting my mind, leaving the comfortable sense in my ears.

I stared at his damaged eyes, captivated by the dim glow reflected on it. Even after being scarred for life, his beauty remained the same. But it wouldn't stop me to bring back his vision.

“I’m here. Did I wake you up?” I kissed his cheek then  lay my head on his shoulder. I took a deep breath and the scent from his body swaying me into the serenity.

“No…” He then closed his eyes again, pulling me into his embrace where I could feel his love and kindness.

If the world was not shrouded in darkness, I wished these days would never be over.

It was seven years after the night fall. We met up with Talcott in Insomnia, digging some old records from the library and also from the citadel. Talcott was 14 that time, but his fighting skill was admirable, since he had been trained by Monica this past year. 

The mission we underwent was dangerous enough, sometimes we should retreat without taking anything. It took a few months until we successfully brought the important documents to the Glaive's Base underground.

One day, when they studied the documents, I sneaked out from the base to visit my home. It was not too far from the base, just fifteen minutes running in haste while avoiding the daemon that lurked beneath the shadow. I cast spells to stop their movement at the same time, knowing that I was able to draw more than fifty spells at once. 

It was already in mess, but I was glad the daemon didn't destroy my entire house. I cast many spells outside, the one that could repel the daemon by emitting the radiance similar to the sun. I had only thirty minutes before the light ceased to glare.

The first room I entered was my room. I almost lost in daze when I found the withering flowers on the desk. The bouquet Ignis gave me before he departed on his journey. My fingers were shivering as I touched the small card covered in the dust between the dead flowers. The tears slipping down from my eyes when I caught the cursive handwritten there. The proposal that couldn't be turned into reality.

I started to sob when Zeit yelled at me. "Hoi! We don’t have much time!"

"Right… Sorry." I wiped my tears and put that card in my pocket, the same place where I kept the picture of Ignis and me in Lestallum.

It was no surprise to find the hand-written dictionary in my own house, right inside the drawer of my father's working desk. It contained the language of those spells I used, the one that was being used inside Zeit. That was why I was sure I had learned it before, so that I could read almost all of the verse inside that floating grimoire. 

It must be her, the one who taught me the language. The one who presented the book for me. The one who died by exchanging her life to resurrect me. None other than my mother.

There were no traces of her, not a single photo, not even the document stated her name. It was altered, erased, shifted to other false memories created by her own decision. It might be the reason why I couldn't even remember when I learned the ancient language written in the grimoire.

"Your previous master was my mom, wasn't it?" I sat in front of the broken bookshelf, with the picture album on my lap.

"Like what I said. I can't tell you." The grimoire was persistent, no matter how hard I persuaded it, no other words slipped from its mouth but the rejection of my demand.

I skimmed at the pictures, the one that was taken from my childhood. None of my mother's photos were there, only my father and me. Yet, when I saw a few photos of scenery with no one captured on it, the bead of sadness dropped down, leaving a wet trace on it.

_ "Mo͝m͏̸!̶ ̛͟Le̷t̕ ͢m̢͏e t̢͠ąk̡͡e̡̕͞ ̶̸̛a͞͞ ͢͢p̕i̴c̵tu͞r̵͝e̶̢ ̡͢o͝f ̨͢yơ̛͝u̴!͏̨"̛͞ _

"Ugh…" The pain tormented my head, hindering me to remember those deleted memories. It wouldn't even let me dig the buried memories I had, even though I already knew that she was the one I forgot. It was the curse, the price for the wish granted to her.

"Ei͜r̸a͡!" someone hurled the door abruptly, it made a loud bam from my behind. Ignis was there, calling my name in dismay. It took too long that he noticed my absence. "Why didn't you tell me that you wanted to visit your home?!"

"I'm sorry…" I closed the album and put it back to the shelf. I turned around, ready to move my feet toward the man but he already pulled my body to his, enfolded me in his embrace.

"Foolish!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to disturb you…"

"Don't do things like this anymore!"

"I'm sorry… "

He gripped my back with his strength, assuring him that I couldn't free my body from his embrace. He whispered my name between the heavy pants from his lips while slowly adjusting his breath to regain his composure.

He tilted down his face then kissed me in fiery desire, diluting my mind in his heat, nibbling my inside in impatience and rush. He parted our lips after a few seconds and pulled my hand.

"It's not safe here. Let's back to the base."

I nodded, letting him pull my body. He was unfair, capable of regaining his calmness even after that passionate kiss, while I must struggle to wash away the burning fire that creeped my cheeks.

It was the same year when I decided to stay in Insomnia. Acquiring the information that the Kingsglaive Base had a shortage of medical staff made me decide to help them.

It was hard to part away with Ignis as he was determined to explore the royal tomb some more with Talcott. However, the base was not in a good condition due the lack of medic and endless fight with the daemon and imperial troops.

"Talcott…" I looked at the teen who zipped his backpack, carried it on his back swiftly then stared back at me with his round eyes.

"Leave it to me! I'll protect Ignis for you, Ęi͟ra! Although I'm sure, Ignis will be the one who protects me."  Tapping his clenched fist on his chest while straightening his back, he gave off a wide grin, assuring me that I could leave Ignis in his care.

"Well then E̕i͝r͜a, I'll come by sometimes…" Ignis who stood next to Talcott bid goodbye to me. He was smiling but I was not. Not until I forced myself to because Talcott placed his gaze on me.

"Please be safe."

"Please be safe."

Ignis and I were in harmony, as we said those words at the same time. I blinked in surprise then gave a light giggle, followed by his chuckle.

"Marshal, I entrust Ei̸ra̡ in your care." 

"I will, Ignis." Cor, who was standing behind me, replied Ignis's request in his firm tone.

* * *

**M.E. 766**

“All hail the King of Light!”

I opened my eyes slowly after hearing the cheer surrounding the base from the lower floor.

“What was that?” I rubbed my eyes,  blinking for a few times before placing my gaze  at the hovering grimoire above.

"Your King has come, maybe?" Zeit replied in a toneless voice.

"What?! Really?!" I raised with urgent haste, hurtled toward the first floor in a hurry. I almost stumbled my feet once I leaped to the crowd in front of me.

“Oi Eira, watch your step!”  ignoring Zeit’s words, I kept running until I found the faces I yearn. 

"You missed my speech, Ei͝r̡a̸." The pair of blue eyes that was gazing at me emitted the radiance of maturity, benevolence, and willpower. His voice was deeper compared to ten years ago, and the usual laziness in his tone  had completely disappeared.

There was an unexplainable heave in my chest, a tempestuous wave of disbelief, incredulousness and astonishment that was raging violently. The restlessness due to eternal yearn of light slowly diluted into relief and ethereality. 

"Long time no see." Noctis looked at me with the eyes which  were glistenned by the tenderness. He was a completely different human, was he really Noctis that I knew? The one who was spoiled, selfish, and sleepyhead?

“Wow! Beard!” Zeit was hovering to my front, let out a loud giggle as it looked at the raven-haired man on my front.

"What is that beard?" I couldn’t hold back my giggle, seeing the facial hair grew far from neat on his face, yet the line of tears slipping down to my cheek. I then bowed at him with a curtsy. "Welcome back, Your Highness."

Noctis replied with a slight chuckle. "I'm back."

“How was life inside the crystal?”

"Feel like a second and I am appalled by the fact that it was already ten years. How've you been? Married with Ignis, yet?" 

_ He’s indeed our prince. _

Zeit was coughing, choked by the question tossed by Noctis. He laughed after that, made fun of me, fooling around as he moved closer to my ear.  Struggling not to glare at the grimoire, I swore that I would shut its mouth after this.

"I'm afraid no, Your Highness." It had been a long time since I felt the heat of blush creeped my cheeks. I gave a glance at the man behind Noctis, his royal adviser, who then started to fidget. Who could predict that Noctis would ask a sensitive topic in this kind of situation?

"Ehrm… Noct..." Ignis cleared his throat, giving a subtle message to the clueless King so that he noticed that the subject he stated was gauche. 

"Iggy. How cruel. You make a lady wait for years!" and unfortunately Noctis was unable to grasp the clue as he yelled to his retainer.

“Yes! Really! Cruel!” Zeit added. I glanced at it and scowled in a flash.

"Noct… I…" there was a hesitation in Ignis’s voice, which then annoyed me in many ways.

"So, will you head to the citadel right away?" I cut out Ignis's sentence, changing the subject because I disliked the topic. 

"Yes, after exploring the base. I’d like to ask Cor about many things, first."

"Okay." I nodded. "Hope you enjoy your stay here." 

Noctis let out a small smile then walked toward Cor who was standing on the other side of the room.

I stood still in my position, staring at the three brothers in front of me. "It was nice seeing the four of you here."

"Right." Prompto nodded. "I wish we could end all of this nightmare right away and return the peace. Just like what we had before."

"But first we must beat that man." Gladiolus added, his expression was calm, but his tone was conveying the sadness and anger at the same time. We were wreathed in awkward silence for a few seconds until Gladiolus asked, "By the way, Eira, how long have you been here?"

"Almost… Three years?"

"It must be hard." Gladiolus crossed his arms. “Did Ignis visit you often?”

“Hmm… Please ask the one on your left side.” I shrugged, causing Gladio to furrow his brow in disbelief.

“Really?” Gladiolus tilted his head, facing his best friend who didn’t say anything from his mouth. "Ignis, why don't you say a thing or two at her before we head to the citadel? Make sure not to leave any regret!"

“Ah.. Umm…” Ignis who was crossing his arms then standing straight and stiff, hearing the suggestion thrown by the royal shield.

“Come on! You’re not going to die right? Please rephrase your words!” I scowled.

“Well… You’re right… But still…” Gladiolus lost his confidence. What he said was not entirely wrong. When they leave beyond that gate, they would face the last battle to restore the light for Eos. It would be the fierce one, and what he suggested was indeed wise enough.

“Anyway, it has been three years since the last time you two met. Just talk! It’s awkward seeing you two like this.” Gladiolus scratched the back of his head, irritated by his own concern to Ignis. “Prompto, let’s go over there.” 

"Uh? Huh? Yeah... " Prompto was startled when Gladiolus tapped his shoulder and pushed his body away from Ignis and me. "Right! Take your time, Iggy. We won't overhear anything!"

"Hei…!" Ignis sighed after hearing the statement from Prompto. He then fixed the position of his visor glasses. It had been a long time since my last time seeing that gesture.

"How have you been?" I stepped forward, bringing my body closer to him. I tilted my head, observing a man who was taller than me. It had been three years that it was almost impossible for me to hold the urge to bury myself in his embrace. But not here, not in front of anyone else. So what I could do was to throw those feelings away and satisfy the yearning in my heart by gazing at his look. 

As usual, he swept up the front of his dirty blonde hair. What was different was his bang was longer than before. He wore a dark visor, and behind it the greyish eye was opened, staring blankly to his front. The scars were still there on his face, reminding the failure of my attempt to save him years before. He wore the Kingsglaive’s outfit, with the same design as Prompto and Gladiolus. But it really suited him well, more than the others.

"Great. I’ve been busy these past years, exploring the royal tomb again with Talcott and helping the hunter in Duscae and Leide. So… I… I’m sorry I couldn’t visit you.”

“No, it’s fine.” I shook my head, out of habit, but knowing that it was only a vain gesture, I gave off a quiet sigh.

“How've you been, Ęira?" his right eye was blankly staring at me. It hurt me whenever I couldn't find the emerald eyes behind his glasses. It pained me whenever his scars came into my sight.

"Good. I’ve been busy healing the injured glaive though. That’s why I really didn’t mind accepting the fact that you couldn’t visit me for three years.” I blurted out, unwrapped my disappointment through my words unwittingly. I didn’t realize that there was a bit of annoyance in my tone.

“You’re angry.” 

I’d like to curse myself. How could I forget that he was a perceptive man.

“No. Never felt this better before. Even better, knowing you're here with the King." I tried to hide my feelings, struggling to maintain the composure in my voice.

“You’re really angry.” However he didn’t fail to interpret my intonation.

“Want to have a cup of coffee?” I walked away from him, avoiding his presumption  _ which was true _ and approaching Gladiolus and Prompto who was leaning their back  against the wall not far from us. “Want to have a drink?”

“Nah!” Prompto shook his head.

“It’s fine. Don’t mind us.” Gladiolus added, waving his hand in shooing gesture.

“O-okay…” I shrugged and glanced at Noctis who was immersed in conversation with Cor.

“It’s really fine. Don’t mind Noct.” Gladiolus noticed the line of my gaze and assured me to enjoy my time with Ignis. “Ignis, you won’t miss a cup of coffee before departing right?” 

“You have coffee?” Ignis doubted. "Is it Ebony?" 

“Guess it.” I walked away, leaving the dumbfounded dirty blonde man behind.

“Wait Ei̷ra. Really?” He didn't need his cane anymore, he was already capable of moving freely, as if his eyes could see anything. He walked in certainty, following my footsteps until we arrived at the second floor of the glaive base. 

“How did you manage to have…?” 

“Did you forget who I am?” I cut off Ignis’s question. How many times had I cut off someone’s speech today?

“No.” He was still confused, unsatisfied because I didn’t answer his curiosity. 

I chuckled and opened the door to my room. “Good then. Come in.”

I held the door until Ignis entered the room, then I took his hand, leading him to the chair not far from the entrance, guiding his hand to touch the chair. “You may sit.”

“It’s okay… Thanks.” He smiled.

I walked toward the brewing pot in my room and started to prepare the  _ coffee _ . I wondered if he knew the differences?

“Eira, you liar.” Zeit's comment tickled my senses  and the smirk bloomed on my face. I held the swinging grimoire in my hand then cast a spell so that it shut its mouth and turned it into an ordinary book. I placed it on the bookshelf and continued to brew the  _ coffee. _

Ignis was waiting behind me in silence, standing still in his position just like a few minutes ago. He didn’t talk, nor make any significant move, not even deciding to sit on the chair on his right side. He was just facing me with a blank stare from his greyish eye.

“It’s done.” I poured the  _ coffee _ to the porcelain mug and passed it to him. “Do you prefer it cold?”

“No, thanks.” he smiled and drew the mug closer toward his face. He inhaled the aroma of the liquid, blew it a few times and started to sip it slowly. 

I knew the grimoire would say that I was cruel if I didn’t lock it.

“How’s it?” I tilted my head, asking him with anticipation.

“Nostalgic. Why won’t you tell me how did you manage to get the Ebony?” a smile adorned his visage, but it soon disappeared into the expression of curiosity. “I’ll appreciate it if you do not say that because you’re a witch.”

“But because I  _ am _ a witch.” I chuckled. “Does it really taste like Ebony?”

“Not even a slight difference.” he sipped again for the second time, enjoying the Ebony I recreated from my potion brewing. I wondered if he would be disappointed knowing that it was not a real coffee, but a completely different beverage I created with my magic.

“Right? If you visited me before, you could taste it earlier though. But what a shame you couldn’t.”

Ignis put the mug away from his face, he then moved one of his hands, trying to find the table and placed the mug on it. A huff escaping his lips, then he stepped forward, bringing his body closer to me.

“Hei, Eir͠a. Are you angry?” I couldn’t understand how he managed to find me as he caressed my cheek with his gloved hand. The emerald  eyes were not there anymore, it was snatched away from us, from our lives. My figure wouldn’t be reflected on his green eyes anymore, but he never failed to find me.

“Am I?” I closed my eyes when his fingers gently stroked my skin. He was the warmth I yearned, for three years I spent in void, in desolation. 

“You are.” 

He was persistent.

“And why is that?” I asked, demanding the reason why he thought like that.

“I’m sorry, I was neglecting you these past three years.” his hand pulling me, burying my head inside his embrace. The heat and tenderness that I had been waiting for ages.

“I was angry.” I circled my arms around his hips,  and  snuggled  my head against his broad chest. “No.. I lied... “

I sighed and opened my eyes, staring at the black clothes that covered his torso. “Ignis… Seeing you alive and adapting so well in your… current condition was actually enough…" 

“... It was not good anyway, to go back and forth between Insomnia and the place wherever you were. You also managed to contact me whenever you can, right? Why would I be angry?” I lifted my eyes and gazed at the troubled face he made. 

“But you were…”

“No. I was annoyed, surely. By the question of that ill-mannered king. I thought that he became more mature, but I guess there was no lecture about common sense inside the crystal, it seemed.” I laughed quietly.

“Is it because of me?” he spoke, with a gravity as he placed his gaze on me. I almost felt a shudder, it felt like he was actually seeing me with his eye.

“You? No.”

“The marriage?” his words almost stopped my heart from beating, the words I avoided in my life, the words that threw me into the disorder. And he was able to utter it casually.

“No.” I shook my head.

“Actually I would like to…”

“No, Ignis. We’ll talk about that topic later. Not now.” I unwrapped my arms from him, withdrawing myself from his embrace.

“Hhh… Fine.” He let out a deep sigh. 

The silence once again enveloped us, filling the atmosphere in awkwardness. I took a deep inhale, inflating my lungs with the cold air in this room. 

“Here, give me your hands. Both of it.” my voice broke the quietness, and made him flinched for a while. But he gave his hands without bothering to ask the intention of mine.

“You know… I missed you… Really… And after three years, you will leave again after you finish your coffee.” I took off both of his gloves and placed it on the table. Then I caressed both of his palms with my thumbs, observing the faint graze on it. He wore the gloves, yet after fighting too long, the handle of his daggers and spear obviously gave marks on his palms.

"Should I not finish my coffee, then?" he murmured, and a smirk formed on his lips.

I giggled, impressed by his statement. "Can you resist the urge?"

"Impossible."

The room then filled with our small laughter. I stared at him, and so did he. I wondered if he could feel my gaze so that he placed his blank white on me. I wondered what he saw inside the lightless world of him. But I couldn’t ask, I would never ask.

The heave in my chest strained me. He would leave soon, facing the death of his king, striving to restore the light into this dying world. And the least thing I could do was praying, wishing that the rest of retinue would be back safely. Even though they would face the grief, the mourn by the loss of one of their beloved brother.

"These hands…" I gripped his hands. "The owner of these hands is fighting too long. He sacrificed so much. The burden on his shoulders is too heavy, isn't it?"

"E̟ḭ̵͈̰̰r̲̟ḁ."

"Are you fine with this? You really... really fine to depart after this?" I strengthened my grip, then raised my head, observing his countenance.

"I… can't fight the fate." his voice was only a bit more than a murmur, too soft, it almost couldn’t be heard.

"Even though it means that you'll lose your…" the hesitation gnawed me, discouraging my will to finish my words.

"Eiȑ̀ͤͦa͒̓͊͌́̎̇. I…" he paused his words, perhaps he was struggling to compose the words from his mind that was clouded in wretchedness.

"..." I didn’t respond, waiting for him to state his worry.

"He knew. He must have known." he clenched his fists, holding my fingers I placed on his palm.

"If you want to change it now… I…" 

"I'll accept the fate… It's his wish to fulfill the calling." 

If only he would say that he hates the Gods, I would change everything by now.

"Are you okay with that?" I asked, confirming his decision.

"To bring the dawn? Yes." 

Indeed, I could feel the clarity from his tone.

"And for the price?" But it didn’t stop me from digging what beneath his heart.

"E̶i̶ra, would you please…" he tilted his head down. I knew I was a cruel and cold-hearted person, but I needed the truth, his honesty. 

I reminded him of the ruthless candour, probably the fact that he tried to forget. "I'm afraid you'll depart in half-hearted determination."

"I'm not."

"Not forcing yourself?"

"I will accompany my King until the end." The pressure in my fingers was getting heavy, as he stated his will.

"Your vow?" I didn’t lift my gaze from him, not even a second, perceiving the expression he made whenever he stated his sentences which crushed me in every second.

"To protect him." 

"But not from the Gods?" he flinched when I threw the question.

"Ei͢ra, what are you trying to accomplish by this talk?" his question was more a plea, to stop me, ceasing the talk about the future he would grasp in hours from now.

"This man is suffering… Can you feel it? I'm holding his hands. It's quivering." I waved both of his hands in slight movement.

"E̗̩͕͕͇̝̙͞i̬ṛ͙a͈̻̫̭…"

"Why won't you…?" I wanted to beg, to plead, so that he hated the Astrals. So that I could find my determination. So that I could do that even before the dawn. But he was too persistent.

H̟͔̖͍̘͖͙͖̮ͭͫ̇͛̓̎̊͗̔o̞͍͖̗̣̫̺̤ͪ̾ͩw̥̫͚̠͓͇̐͛ͥe̘̖̤͐͂̇̄͒ͪ̊̏v̘̠̲̫̼̈ͯͅe͍̰͔͖͆̅ͣ̉̿ͥ̏̀ͬṛ̬̘̘̥̟̊̾ͅ,̳͉̏̂̍̊͑ͅ ̮͍͗ͥͭI͎̟̞̭̦ͮ̌̇ ̦̎̒ͥͦ͗ḥ̦̰̯͒͆̆͌͂̿͊́ͮe͇̝͚̼͓͔̔s̺͓̫̬̣ͭ̂ͬ̀̎i̩̲͉͉̖̫̰̱͗̏̐̅͐̾̄t̪̤̬̫̤̰͓̐̈́ͮả̩͎̈́̄ͫ̋́̒t̺͓̻͈͖͈̝̭͆̊̊͑̂ẻ̮̪̻̭̤ͪ̈̇̅̓̚d͚̳͚̼̓̈́͐̐ͭ̽̒̾.͈͚̰̅̓̿ͥ̆̈͂

Partially, it was my fault. Unable to say the truth, to tell him about the possibility of changing his fate. I was afraid. I was so selfish. I still wanted him to say my name, to love me, to remember me...

Ignis freed his hands from my grasp in a sudden. He took off his dark visor then massaging the bridge of his nose. 

"I'm sorry. Please forget what I said." the apology slipped from my lips, together with a heavy sigh of despair that I couldn’t withstand. Maybe it was not the time, yet. Maybe, I could be here for a bit longer. 

"You're really a witch." Ignis smirked with a hand still massaging his nose. I managed to make him tired, it seemed.

"I am." I said in agreement, taking his words as a compliment.

"This resolution in mine is not wavering." the shoulders that were stiff before then getting relaxed as he put his arms straight down on his side.

"Even though you're trembling in fear." but I threw him again with the harsh truth.

"Yes. Even though I'm shivering in dread." hearing how he admitted his vulnerable state, I couldn’t help myself from brushing my head on his chest for once again. 

"I missed you…"  _ Please stay with me…I don't want to see your suffering…  _

Ȋ̯̰̺͓͗͗ ̨̮̗͚͙̱ͧ̅̆́͒w̴͔̭̞̱͖͖̫a͌̆s̞͙̰̎͝ ̝̺̱̅̀̄ą͕͒ͫ̂f͇ͪͤ̄ͩ͡r͇̮̣͔̦͐͋̇͊a̛̖̝ͣ̈̽̇ͣī͔͇̫͖̯̜ͦͫ͐̿̆̊͜d́̃͛ͥ̚͠ ̫͍̠̝̳͕̦͛͆ͨ͂t̪̞̂͂̉͐oͧ̋̄ͪ͌͡ ̖̉͂ͭ̕l̼̐̇̍ͧo͙̫̼̩͇͋̌̌͑ͭ̊͡s̖̥͍͚̺̯̎͐̃̂͑̌ͮ̕e̻̻̖͈͓̔̆̽ͨͅ ͓̦̤̜̩͉̳̾̋ͩ̇ͯ̑̒y̐ͮ̏͂͠o̵̟u̳̟͓̙̤̯͐̂͗̈́

I clutched the back of his jacket, inhaled the scent I longed-for. I missed him, and he would leave again. If only they would like to stay in here for a bit longer. If only they would like to spend one or two nights here… 

"So did I." His warm hand caressed my hair. I lifted my head to look at him. He tilted his head down at the same time, moving his face closer to mine until our lips met. It was a kiss that was filled with impatience, we were trying to find each other's presence through the heat we created by our desire. I tiptoed, and he leaned his body forward. We really longed for each other's warmth.

His hands were moving from my back, downward to my hip and swiftly slipped his fingers beneath my t-shirt. I flinched when the tip of his fingers reached my skin, parted away our lips and placed my gaze at his eyes. Even with the blankness of his greyish eye, I could find the trace of desire.

"Don't want to finish your coffee?" I teased, half-heartedly reminded him not to do the act beyond this. “You don’t want to take too long and make the king wait, right?”

"I bet he’ll take longer. And the coffee…” Ignis’s lips  were close to my ear, and his whisper was already enough to sway my mind. “It can wait after the appetizer."

"So Ebony is the main course?" I kissed his cheek, caressing the rough surface of his scars with my lips.

"Hmm.. Well, dessert then?" his hand trailed from my hip, upward to my back and unclasped my undergarment.

"Then, which one is the main course?" my heart was fluttering by his touch.

"This..." 

The maddening desire soon took the control of our mind. He slammed me to the door which amazed me that he actually remembered its position. And then we writhed in a muffled voice. 

He was taking off his jacket in a hurry, but the next moment, he savoured me slowly. As if the entire time was only meant for us. Steadily, surely, he tasted me bit by bit, from the nape, the shoulder, the thighs, and the one between. He showered me with kisses, adored me with his touch. 

He did the thing that he was usually fond of, marking me on my skin, so that whenever I saw it, I would be reminded that I was his. His touch was gentle, tender yet restlessly eager. Every pressure he inflicted was filled with lust and passion. 

The three years created the hollow in me. And a mere few minutes was definitely not suffice. We needed the eternity.

If the sun never disappeared, we wouldn't be separated. We would exchange the vow, in front of the priest, with the flowers arrangement that surrounded us.

"Promise me to come back safely…" 

"I will…  _ milady." _

* * *

By the time the scorching sun spread its warmth, we lost a life. The one who sacrificed himself for the future. He couldn't even feel the dazzling light bestowed by the golden bead on the blue canvas above him. Because he left us, slumbering beneath the soil as the price for the light.

I could still remember how the little prince tried to eat the vegetable as an act to cheer his adviser when his adviser was mourning. But then, how could I cheer him knowing that the former prince now became the reason for his grief?

A̮̪̟͗̾̾n̜̭̈́͗͐ḍ̯̫͚̭̄̓ ̘̩͒ͭ̋Ỉ͙̮̦̭̪̙̏̒ ͏d̵̤̤̺͇̾ͅe̘̺̝̬̼̪̪̓͆ç̑ͥ͛̏ͥi͈̹͉ͯ͗ḍ̵̐ͦ͂̋̑e̛͕d̘̤̯ͬͩ̒͊̽͛̈́ ̸̰̣͍̘̥̃ͪͪt̨̥̯͔͇̱̬ͦͣ̅͆o̘̫͍͗ͥ͛̒͟ ̨͚̱̥̤͙̑ͤ̓̍ͅͅwͪ͐ͦ́ȧ͈͚̱̺͔̙̪̊̽̆͂͂̅i͏͓t̹̟͕̱̎͂̔̐ͩͫͅ

My sigh was unheard, overlapped by the sound produced by my footsteps that met the floor. It had been a week and he kept going to that particular room every single day. 

"You're here." my voice echoed to the entire room as I found his presence between the rubble and wreckage inside the throne room.

He couldn't even discern the red sovereign seat in front of him, yet, he placed his gaze on it behind the dark visor he wore.

"E̍͑̍̓̉̓iͫͣ̈̋r̊̊͆̔̽͋a̔̆̐̅." he didn't turn around when his soft voice called my name.  Those shoulders bore a great burden, the grief and suffer.

I walked forward, filling the atmosphere with the light tread of my footsteps. I halted right beside him, gazing at the scenery in front of my eyes.

The sunray cascaded through the huge gap from the left side of the throne, shedding the faint yellow gleam upon the golden tendril embellished the wall behind the King's seat.

"Prompto said you were looking for me. What's wrong?" I glanced at the royal adviser, who had lost his king as the price for the sun.

"No… Nothing’s wrong." he lifted up the corner of his lips, forming a tiny smile as he turned his body to face me.

"Then?"

"Would you give me your hand?" He reached out his left hand to me, opening his palm, gesturing for me to place mine on his.

"Hmm?" I gave him my right hand nonchalantly. 

"The left one."

Three words, and it almost made my heart stop in anticipation.

"W-why?" I flustered but he didn't say anything to answer my perplexion. The beating inside my chest was getting louder and faster, throbbing uncontrollably due to my own assumption.

Three seconds had passed, so I decided to obey his demand, giving my left hand on his soft palm which was then greeted by his firm grip on his wrist. He then moved his hand, lifted my fourth finger and put a ring on it.

"Lady Ẽͤir͐a̐ͮ̿͊̂͑ͦ. Would you spend the rest of your life with me?"

U̲̕ń͔͕͍̫̲͇ẗ͕͈̠̓̓̈́͒i̜̳̘͓͕̻̰̐͌ͨ̅̇͌̚l̒̑͌҉͎ ̨̀̊ͮÿ̈̾ͯ́o̯̝̜̰͔̙͍̐ŭ̦̭ͩ̅̅̊ ̼sͫ̑ͤ͌̌̒҉t̰͒̃͛ͣ͡a̴t͇e̐̐ͫͧͯ̊d͍̦̫͎̠͈ͯ͊ͤ͒ͧ͡ ̷̦̻̟̥̏͂͗t͍̬̲̤̭̒́̉ͅh̙ͮo̊ͪ̅̾̐̕s̫͍̞ḙ̣̌ͭͭ̌̐̊ ̹̤̳͖͋w̺͎͉̖͒̈̽̾ͤ̏͋͡ő̤̖̯ͧͧ̊̉ͯ̊rͩ͒ͪ͑̇͐d̻̳̭͚͍͍̥͑s̵̻͈͚̻̙̜͚̏͛ͩͪ̔ͧ ̢̎ͩt͇̞̭̙͎̆̈̈̄͂ͅo͈̟͗̇ ̗̜̝ͮͯ͛m̡͕̱̙̳̗ͅͅe͖̣̯̞͜ͅ

"I… W-wh… Wha-- eh?" It was too sudden, I couldn't fully grasp the situation. I thought he would be crying right at this moment, grieving, mourning, shivering in his lament… 

"Please marry me." he rephrased his proposal, but it wouldn't change the fact that I was flustering at this exact moment. 

A̯̳̼ͮn̍d̲͎̺̜̈̑̏͆ͯ̑ ͎̮̩̠̠͉̞̍̾̅̏̄̊̇I̘ͭ̄ͭ ̟͇͍̤̞͙ͬ̎̉͌̾̈d̬̟ͧ̿̂ͤ̏r̟̈́̃ͭ́̑̃ͬȯ̭̘̭̗̙̈̈̓̅w̮̟̥̬̥͊̍͒n̉̋ͯe̪̺͎̬̘̩d̻̮͉̯̥ͤ̓̍ͭͦ̚ ̟̤̬̺̝̻͍̑̎ͪi͇͖̖͍̠̦ͮ͌̈́̄n͇̖ͫ͗ͫs̙͖̦̺̯̘̳͗̾ͪ͒̒̚ide̹ͦ ̥̝̜̫̯̩̑͛̄̒ͨțͩh̬͓̮̹͍͈͑ͮͩ̾̋͆ͅe͐͗͂͒̍̚ ̼͓̬̭̌̌̈́̏̐̃f̣͖̖̖̖̐ͥ̂l͖ͬͬ̀ͤ̓̉ͦe͛̌ͧ̓ͥȇ͉̮̞̱̪̦͊t̮̲i͙̱̐͗̏̉ͮ͐̎n̬̹ͭͨͬͮ͐g̣̿ ̺͔͔͖̝ͤ͂ͫ͒ͨ̈ͫͅb̮̭̻͓ͮ̒ͦ̾͌ͅl̳̻̩͇̗͛ͣi͍ͦ̀̑s̐ͣ̓ͮͫͥs͎̬̠ͮf̩̭̳̮͍͐ͮ̃͌ụ̞̼͓ͭ̄ͥ̓l̯̦̩͓̃̊̐̆͂ͅn̝͚̹̆ͣ͆͗̓̚e̲̹͎̖͋ͣś̎̆̾s̹̫̯͑̓̈́̈́

"W-why?" I stuttered, the heat creeping my cheeks. My heartbeat quickened, pounding my chest, thumping loudly as if trying to leap out from it. I gazed at the white gold that circled my finger, decorated by a dazzling round cut diamond in the middle which was highlighted by two emeralds on both of its sides.

"I promised you right?" 

"No… I mean… yes… but… at this kind of time?" The composure didn't seem fond of me, as it never came back even though I tried to regain it.

"I was scolded by Noct, right after we entered the citadel that night. I disappoint him by my own hesitation." He started to explain with my hand still inside his clutch. He stepped forward, brought his body closer, shortened the distance between us. "He then demanded me to make a vow… to give the ring to you, which was actually prepared long before."

"So you propose to me because of…" I left my unfinished sentence hanging in the air, giving the chance for the man in front of me to deny my statement. Which I wished to be denied, actually. 

"Of course not…" the relief came into my mind when he fulfilled my wish. "Not only that… Remember that card I gave you the day before I departed to Altissia?" 

"I thought you forgot…" I lied. Perhaps, I tried to dishearten my own hope. Truthfully, I didn't expect that he would propose to me, so he gave a ring to me. Especially, a week after that day.

"How can I forget such an important moment in my entire life?" He stroked my cheek with his other hand. To love someone was amazing, but being loved was beyond compare. Every movement he made conveyed his feelings, his tenderness, his affection, his love. 

"Well… my bad." 

It was weird. The grey eye behind his visor was unable to see me, but why did I avoid his gaze?

He bent his back forward, lifted my hand and kissed the back of my hand. The heat then spreaded, through the vein from my hand to the entire body of mine. The man in front of me was different, he radiated the intense solemnity.

"Would you,  _ milady _ ?" Just like that time, he stood in confidence, the hesitation was no longer there, nor even a single trace of it. With a mere question he whispered over my ears, I could feel the shiver down my spine. 

"Ignis..."

Was it the happiness? The bliss?

But why were the tears flooding my eyelids? Why did I shed the beads of warmth to my cheeks? Was it really acceptable for me to be blessed by his love?

"Your answer?" I could feel his breathing as he stated his question. His face was close, too close, not even an inch distance between us.

"I'd love to…"

And by the time I gave him the answer, he pulled me, wrapped my body within his arms. As he kissed me with a simple and quick one. He then placed his forehead on mine, while the sincere smile adorned his dashing visage.

Just for a fleeting moment…

Was it okay for me to have a beautiful wish? 

Was it okay to be selfish?

Please call my name.

Please call my name again.

B̗͓͈̘̲͎̎̈́͝e̛̠͌͋f̡͇͇̈́̾̉͒̚ő̹͕̪͍̰͇̮̊r̢͎̼̊̒̉͑ͦͅe̘͙̓̈ ̙͈̜̇ͬ̑͌̎ͮI̮̞̦̫͓̜̬̐͛͞ ͕̬̖͌͆͑͊b̛̲̬̫̟̪̹̌ͧ̃ͭr̡͕̻͓̹̮̜̘ͤi̫̭̻͖̺̠n̥̺͎̭̣̲̎̏̇̃ͩ̔͟g͙͇͎͎̉̃̍́͌͆̕ͅ ̭̹̯̖͚̱̙̇ͪb͓̰̪̜̻ͭ͐̓ͨͤ͒͞a̙͎͓̓ͦ̓̐͒c̷̹̞ͫk̨ ͈̅̾ͩ̍ͫͅtͪͣͨ̊ͥͩ͏͇̩̹͉̝̲̥h̰̩̹̫͚̰͚͘e͇̫͎̝ ͍̝ͬ͂̐̇ͥͬͅs̷̠̾ú̶ͥ̎̂ͮn̞͎̙͂̾̾ ̡͈̱̼̣͖͈̼̓̋͗̔̔ͯṭ̠̲̫̹̓͛ͥ͊͌ͣǫ̗̯̗̲ͫͦͮ̂̿̒̊ ̒͏͕̹̦̲͚͕̰y͇̫̤̓͊̈́̿ͣ͐ơ̠̬̋͑̇̿̀̄ǘ̗̫͆̉ͥr̰̝̠̦͈̬̲͐̊͠ ͉͓̖̻͋ͥ̋́͞l͒̇ͦ̈̈̌̉i̶̻̺̟͐̆͋ḟ̼̲ē̠̣̹͛̒͐

I wouldn't even forget.

I wouldn't forget.

* * *

The End: 

the Gift from [B]rother

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Current mood: Voice of No Return - NieR: Automata OST
> 
> FINALLY! The (second) Ending!
> 
> It's a long journey! I hope you enjoyed my fiction! I know that my fic is far from good, but I'll be very happy to receive the critique and comment from you! Your comments make me smile for days. Thank you!
> 
> Okay, so, I'd like to tell you that this fic will have few endings. And this is the second one!
> 
> Why second ending? Because if the story is being stopped here, it would be a totally happy ending. The other endings are… not as beautiful as this one...
> 
> By the way, there will be a oneshot called Allurin[G] which will explain what happened in Insomnia when Eira lives there without Iggy~ But I can only post it maybe after I posted the umm.... fourth part of this work.
> 
> Lies and Memories will have 6 parts... maybe (?)... (some will be oneshot)  
> So, I'll be very happy if you'd like to read all of it. Hehe...
> 
> Next chapter is C Ending~ please looking forward to it!  
> Thank you!


	12. [C]hoosing Hope

**CHAPTER 12**

* * *

_It is agony, seeing how the sadness smearing his face. I don't want to see how those tears slipping down from his cheeks. The sun is already shining upon us. But his sadness is still lingering in his heart._

_I thought when the dawn is coming, what will greet us is the smile. But he came out from that place with tears, holding the soulless body of his brother._

_He doesn't deserve it. After all of his sacrifice, after all of the lightless journey he faced. Is this really the kind of end he deserves?_

_No._

_I won't accept those fate._

_Even this feeling of mine will never reach him, even if I will never feel his embrace anymore. It is fine for me, as long as he never suffers._

_Watching him this ten years was torturing. I can't handle the rest of the future if it is filled by his sorrow._

_I was selfish, by not doing it as soon as I acquired the power. I just hoped to create more and more memories of him._

_Even though he will never remember me anymore. Even though my existence will be erased from his memory. I will be the one who treasures it, as long as I live._

  
  


* * *

"Lady Eira. Would you spend the rest of your life with me?"

"I… W-wh… Wha-- eh?" It was too sudden, I couldn't fully grasp the situation. I thought he would be crying right at this moment, grieving, mourning, shivering in his lament… 

"Please marry me," he rephrased his proposal, but it wouldn't change the fact that I was flustering at this exact moment.

"W-why?" I stuttered, the heat creeping my cheeks. My heartbeat quickened, pounding my chest, thumping loudly as if trying to leap out from it. I gazed at the white gold that circled my finger, decorated by a dazzling round cut diamond in the middle which was highlighted by two emeralds on both of its sides.

"I promised you right?" 

"No… I mean… yes… but… at this kind of time?" The composure didn't seem fond of me, as it never came back even though I tried to regain it.

"I was scolded by Noct, right after we entered the citadel that night. I disappoint him by my own hesitation." He started to explain with my hand still inside his clutch. He stepped forward, brought his body closer, shortened the distance between us. "He then demanded me to make a vow… to give the ring to you, which was actually prepared long before."

"So you propose to me because of…" I left my unfinished sentence hanging in the air, giving the chance for the man in front of me to deny my statement. Which I wished to be denied, actually. 

"Of course not…" the relief came into my mind when he fulfilled my wish. "Not only that… Remember that card I gave you the day before I departed to Altissia?" 

"I thought you forgot…" I lied. Perhaps, I tried to dishearten my own hope. Truthfully, I didn't expect that he would propose to me, so he gave a ring to me. Especially, a week after that day.

"How can I forget such an important moment in my entire life?" He stroked my cheek with his other hand. To love someone was amazing, but being loved was beyond compare. Every movement he made conveyed his feelings, his tenderness, his affection, his love. 

"Well… my bad." 

It was weird. The grey eye behind his visor was unable to see me, but why did I avoid his gaze?

He bent his back forward, lifted my hand, and kissed the back of my hand. The heat then spreaded, through the vein from my hand to the entire body of mine. The man in front of me was different, he radiated the intense solemnity.

"Would you, _milady_?" Just like that time, he stood in confidence, the hesitation was no longer there, nor even a single trace of it. With a mere question he whispered over my ears, I could feel the shiver down my spine. 

"Ignis..."

Was it the happiness? The bliss?

But why were the tears flooding my eyelids? Why did I shed the beads of warmth to my cheeks? Was it really acceptable for me to be blessed by his love?

"Your answer?" I could feel his breathing as he stated his question. His face was close, too close, not even an inch distance between us.

"I'd love to…"

And by the time I gave him the answer, he pulled me, wrapped my body within his arms. As he kissed me with a simple and quick one. He then placed his forehead on mine, while the sincere smile adorned his dashing visage.

_I would love to..._

I closed my eyes as I sank into my own imagination. I saw my figure walking down the aisle, holding a bouquet of white roses, wearing the pure white wedding dress. I caught his figure in front of me, with a smile curved on his dazzling face, wearing a wedding suit, waiting for me. Then the next moment, we exchanged the vow, to love and to cherish each other till death do us apart.

_But I can't..._

I pulled my head away and looked at the man in front of me, moving my hand on his left cheek, slowly brushing the scars marred his face. 

“Ignis?” my voice was getting brittle, rather low and soft, almost like a whisper and murmur. I loved his name, I loved how his name gave a pleasant trace of peace in my ears whenever it found its way out from my lips.

“Yes?” I loved his voice, the clarity from his tone, the low and crisp that slipped from his lips, it pleased my hearing sense.

I gave a slight pause before proceeding my request, taking a deep breath, inflating my lungs, held it for a while then blew it from my lips. My hands were shivering, uncontrollably, wavering in fright and worry. I raised my head after gathering my composure, staring at the dashing visage in front of me. 

“May I have the one of yours? The ring. I want to try to put it on your finger.” 

He gave a slight chuckle, taking a small blue velvet box from his pocket and passed it to me. The small box almost had no weight on my palm, but the heaviness created in my chest was torturing me. The tears welled up behind my eyelids as I opened the box. I was overwhelmed by the emotions. Not only the bliss and happiness, but also the sorrow and agony.

I inspected the white gold ring inside that was embellished by a small emerald in the middle, the design was more simple than mine with the size befitting his ring finger. Surely, it would suit him well. It would be nice if we could wear the paired rings together, holding hands, living in the same compartment, snuggled on the warm sofa while listening to our favorite love song.

But, it would never happen...

I took it, pinched it between my thumb and forefinger, raised it in the air then brought it closer to my eyes. There was a word engraved inside the ring, and soon, I bit my lower lips when I found my name written on it. 

_Eira_

The name which would be forgotten by him the moment I cast my spells. The existence of a human being that would be erased from his life, from his memories.

"Eira? What's wrong? Don't you want to try it on me? Or… It doesn't suit your taste?" 

I quickly put the ring inside its box and placed it in the pocket of my white coat, where I kept his photos and the card from him. I didn't wear my usual jacket today, but I wouldn't forget to move the pictures and the card. Those were my treasures, and would always be. 

“Hei, Ignis… What… What if I say that you could see the sun for once again?” I would not forget the way he frowned in puzzlement when I asked him that question.

"What are you talking about Eira?" the perplexity choked his voice as he uttered the question. He knew best, that nothing in this world could bring his sight back. He knew best, that no matter I cast the healing spell on him, it never restored his sight. Certainly, he had buried the desire to perceive the lustrous sun, the blue canvas that spread above, the graceful moon and the shimmering stars. He had accepted his fate, while I was never willing to.

I took his hands with both of mine. It was the last time I would be able to touch his soft hands. It was the last time I could sense the warmth of his skin. I brought his hands closer and placed it on both of my cheeks, as I closed my eyes while feeling the heat from his palms.

"What's wrong? Eira?" The words couldn't explain how much I adored the way he said my name. He was worried, he gave me his concern, he was a kind man who cared a lot about me. But he wouldn't do that anymore. He wouldn't even know about me anymore.

"Listen to me…"

Even though those emerald eyes were no longer here, through those stained eyes, I could see how much he was unable to grasp what I was trying to say.

"I will never forget you." I circled my arms around his body, burying myself in his wide chest. This would be the last time. This would be the last time… 

"So do I… what happened?" He was lost, filled with a surging perplexity but then his hands wrapped my body, caressing the back of my head in solicitude.

I took a deep inhale, absorbing his scent to my lungs. I should be satisfied. I must be… 

"Iggy…" I snuggled, feeling the warmth of his chest. The comfort that brought me to tranquil repose and bliss. But I wouldn't feel his heat like this anymore. Where he loved me, where he remembered me. 

"Yes?" 

"Do you love me?" I raised my head, gazing at the eyes in front of me, the grayish one and the closed one. 

"What's with that question?"

"Please, just once. Do you love me?" my voice was rather a whisper. Perhaps I was reluctant to raise my voice louder due to the fright of bursting out my emotion. Or, maybe I would like to hide the brittle voice of mine. I wondered why I couldn't even understand my own emotion right now. There was turmoil in my heart, intermingled all of the sadness, agony, torment, and suffering in chaotic disorder.

“I do.” His answer was a simple one, which then couldn't afford to satisfy me. I would like to scowl, but I remembered he was a shy man, before he turned into a confident one.

“Say it.” I asked, a bit more like a command. If I prolonged this, I was afraid I would decide to retreat my will.

“W-why?” he was stuttered. I wondered if he was too shy? He was really shy? Just like a man I knew long before? Right. He was brave enough to propose to me ten years ago. He was brave enough to kiss me, to prove his feelings. But he had never said those words to me through his lips.

“You never say it, even once…" Never for once. Even though I clearly knew that he did love me, I wanted him to state it with his voice.

“R-right,” he was fidgeting, raised his head up then faced the left side, avoiding the gaze from me, it seemed.

“Then?” I demanded, getting more impatient. However, the longer he avoided me, the longer I could be here. But then, I knew that the hesitation would come again, swaying my determination.

He took a deep breath and moved his head again, facing me. And in one exhale, he uttered “I love you, milady.”

“No… Say my name…” I added the gravity in my tone. _Say my name… Say it… over and over… Until it became the only word you know…_

He took another deep breath, holding it inside his inflating lungs then parted his lips to say the four words after.

“I love you, Eira.”

I pulled myself from his embrace. Looking at the detail of his face. His dirty blonde hair, his thin brows, his pointy nose, his slightly blushed cheeks, his enticing lips, his perfect jawline, his piquant chin, his rough scars, his stained eyes... Engraving every curve of it inside my memories.

"I love you too, Ignis. Thanks for making me the happiest woman in this time."

"Eira, what are you talking about?"

I tiptoed and kissed his lips, for a mere second, and more than that I was sure that I would not be able to do what I already decided these years. 

“Eira, don’t tell me you want to do that now?” Zeit who kept silent since I entered the room finally noticed my will. 

“If the price is only my existence, of course, I’m willing to pay. Change the past, where none of them should die or suffer.” I glanced at Zeit, gave a withered smile and placed my eyes on Ignis again.

I slowly stepped back from him. Looking at his figure, from the head, the neck, the shoulder, the chest, the hands, down until his feet. I would cherish the memories of him, for the rest of my life.

"Eira? What? What are you talking about?" Ignis started to fluster as he strode forward, approaching me.

“There won’t be a funeral, no one would mourn at my death, because I will be deleted from all memories, as my existence is erased.” I mumbled, holding the pendant of my necklace. The precious emerald that he gave to me. The memento from him. He, who loved me. 

The white magic circle was now formed beneath me, then few others all around the room, on the floor, on the wall. _Ten, twenty, fifty, hundreds._

“You already did your sacrifice. You deserve the happiness. The light.” My heartbeat was beating in tumultuous thud, clamorous.

_Two hundreds, three hundreds..._

"Eira? What are you trying to do?" He flinched. Maybe his eyes perceived the white glow created by the magic circle that surrounded him.

I looked up at the sky, through the gap from the hole beside the throne. The blue hue over there was already filled with the same magic circles, glaring its light to the world.

_Five hundreds, eight hundreds..._

“You will be able to embrace the light. And your eyes will see the sun for once more.”

My chest was heavy, as if being pressed by an iron and steel from the back and front. My head was spinning, swaying, ready to knock my consciousness at any moment.

"Eira?!" He dashed forward as his right hand stretched to the air. He was trying to find me.

I could feel my inside was pricked by thousands of needles. The heat flew through my veins, burning my heart in agony.

“Ignis. I love you…” My breath was shallow, short, as I struggled to fill my chest with air, as I strived to not let out a cry of agony.

_One thousand..._

His hand couldn't reach me. It wouldn't reach me anymore.

But the tears didn't stream down my cheeks. It was a void, a blankness, the only feeling that I could sense. Nothingness.

The time had stopped.The man in front of me was freezed as I stopped the time. But I may not touch him anymore, I couldn’t reach him anymore.

In a sudden, the gust of wind surrounded me, while a pricking pain began to stab my head and my chest. The scenery in front of me was changing rapidly, just like the movie that was being played backward. It gave a glimpse of sight, the shattering scene from what happened in the room where I stood.

The dirty blonde man who was standing in front of the empty sovereign seat. 

The empty throne room.

The lament of three men.

The soulless King that was pierced by the Sword of Father.

The wicked smile that was curved on a red head who was greeting a raven-haired man in front of him.

The view that surrounded me was changing. Kept changing to the past until everything was shattered into small fragments. Unveiled the blurry and hazy blue realm with no limit.

"You lost one fragment of your soul, Eira." 

* * *

"Wake up! You have no time to sleep leisurely!" 

I opened my eyes and quickly raised my body. A slight dizziness haunted me, causing me to support my head with my arms.

I still remembered the torment that gnawed my entire body, the wrecking feeling that trampled every organ inside me. My chest was burning in searing pain and the blood inside my vein was bursting out. It was unbearable, insufferable. 

"You have no much time."

"I know." The pain was no longer there, but the dreadful still shrouding me. My legs were trembling as I forced them to stand straight.

_I'll restore your sight..._

I looked up at the endless blue before my eyes and stretched my hand forward, drawing another magic spell that was a hundred times larger than what I created before.

An immense ruin of tower then slowly created from the nothingness above the magic circle, followed by the outer pillars that were not as high as the main tower in the middle.

"It's familiar, isn't it? You visited this place with Ignis, but only the underground part of it."

"Costlemark Tower…"

"Right. Enter the tower, and you'll be able to choose the fate you desired from those opened doors along the way to the top. The higher you climb, the closest it is from your desired fate."

"That simple? And the time limit?" 

"As long as you don't die." 

"I can't die. Not yet."

"You already died a few minutes ago, once…"

I glanced at my left side, but the grimoire was not there. I frowned and turned my head to the right, but I couldn’t find its bronze face.

"Do not look back."

All of sudden I felt a profound unearthly presence behind me, intimidating, surreal, petrifying. It was ginormous, far bigger than a mere human. The aura it emitted was fierce, overwhelmed me with an enormous amount of magic, which was both peculiar and nostalgic.

"How if I do that?" I smirked.

"I'll be angry." It was Zeit. It must be that grimoire. So, it finally showed its true appearance. 

I turned my head and saw a presence that was beyond imagination, a deity who was three or four times bigger than a human, resembling a man. His long blonde hair fell gracefully to his back, with few strands falling gently on his front torso. Upper half of his face was covered by a bronze mask, with the same form as on the peculiar book's cover. But what enthralled me were his white wings, spreading wide from his back, the color of purity, the hue of sanctity.

"I told you, Eira." His eyes were golden beads, with a hazy white glimmer that emitted from his gaze.

"You are…" I had lost my words, dumbfounded by his beauty. The usual annoying grimoire, now became a ravishing divinity.

In a sudden, a sword was being thrown from the sky. I leaped backward by creating the magic circle that flung me away, avoiding it. If I was late even for a second, my death was guaranteed.

I looked up and saw another entity, his wings were made of swords, his armor was a metallic plate, resembling a dragon form. He took another sword and was ready to throw it to me.

"Eira, start running." the blonde one gave his command, in a calm tone. His voice was slightly different than usual. He was not carefree, not using his high-pitched voice that used to irritate me in many ways since ten years ago.

"What...!?" Run? From that entity? Or to climb the tower? 

"You've been training hard in Ravatogh right?" He chuckled.

"Zeit… it's really you…" 

"Run."

I cast a _haste_ and started to advance toward the middle tower, with eyes still glancing at the entity that was flying above the outer circle of the tower. I ran in a hurry, knowing that he began to throw another sword at me which then destroyed the outer pillars of the tower.

I leapt inside the tower, raising my head and inspecting the ruins. There were many opened arch doors along the climbing stairs, showing the flash of memories from inside. The tower was similar to the one in Eos, surrounded by the wall that was not fully covering the inside, so that I could see what happened on the outside. But the size was also different, it was rather larger and higher compared to what I saw in Eos.

I dashed and began to climb it, dragged my feet to the stone stairs. "Mind to explain?! Why did he try to kill me!?" The first door was only a few meters, radiating a hazy blue light with a glimpse of a scene from inside.

"No chatter. Run, Eira. Remember to not enter the door." 

I looked outside and was dumbfounded by the heavy presence that was approaching me. "Zeit?!" I jumped forward, avoiding the sword that was now destroying the stone stairs below and crushing the wall of the tower near it.

"Zeit… What an awful name." The man with peculiar wings above the tower took another sword.

I panted, staring at the dragoon armor floating outside for a moment then proceeded to move my legs. I must keep climbing the stairs. 

"Then call me with my beautiful name, my dearest Draconian." 

"D-Draconi… Hei?!" I crippled in aghast, hearing how Zeit called the entity that was trying to kill me.

Zeit flapped his wings, beating the air with it and floating to the sky, drawing his body closer to the armored deity above. He didn't answer me, he wouldn't want to explain.

It was not written in the grimoire, that I would be prevented by the strongest Astral by doing this spell.

"I won't let you make a mess in my world!" the swords on his back then moving, forming a circle with the sharp point of it faced Zeit.

"You won't let me, but you always failed..." An enormous magic circle was formed in front of Zeit, blocking the rain of swords that showered us, hindering the assault from destroying the tower further. "Right, you won't remember it…" 

I clenched my fists, seeing how Zeit tried to protect me. I advanced my way to the first door, the second, the third, and so on, looking for the desired fate I wished.

The first door showing my death in the citadel, right after the beginning of the signing ceremony, which was a pretext for the Niflheim to destroy Insomnia. 

I almost stumbled when my hand was sliced by invisible force. I let out a cry and looked at the line of blood that was slipping from the opened wound.

"So… It was not a mere dream." I mumbled and ran to another door. 

I saw the bullet penetrate my shoulder, letting the blood flow from the hole it created.

On the next door, I saw my chest being stabbed by a mighty sword, and at the next moment I found myself falling to the ground.

On the next one, I saw the fire surrounding me, burning my body to the ashes while I screamed from the scorching pain. 

_It was not a mere dream._

_I was indeed dead._

I halted in front of another door, the one that was showing Ignis's death. Right after he lent the power of Kings of Lucii. The Kings decided to take his life, and not his sight.

I cursed, seeing the unpleasant fate that was presented by the door. Another sharp pain haunted me again, it was from my upper arm. Now I knew why my mother was wounded all over her body that night.

"I never heard about this, Zeit! You said that the fate will be changed by my own will! Why should I search the probability fate one by one?!"

Another door showing Prompto's death. He was killed by a giant daemon that looked like a snake or whatever it was that in the snow field, together with a woman who was thrown from the snowmobile. 

The loud clanging filling the air as the magic circle blocking another rain of swords.

I let out another cry when the blood flowed from my right leg. I glanced at it then placed my gaze to the blonde above the tower from the gap of the ruined wall.

"It's cruel." I ran to another door, still witnessing the fierce one sided battle on my eyes. "And why did the Draconian try to kill me? Why is he here?!"

"Surprise, Eira. It's thrilling, right?" Zeit was indeed annoying. This beauty was indeed the same creature as that peculiar book.

The other door was showing Gladio's death. He was slain by a masked man with a cape in a place where I couldn't recognize.

"How dare an outcast entity like you, dare to step inside this holy realm of mine...!" The Draconian still tried to banish us, but Zeit didn't even lift his finger to attack the Astral that kept showering him with swords.

Every door showing a different fate, different possibility. I wondered if it actually happened? Or was it only an illusion?

I kept running until the thousand scars engraved on all over my body, leaving the traces of red liquid along the stone floor. My pace was getting slower, even though I cast the haste on me over and over.

My magic was depleted whenever I peek at the doors. My vision was getting blurry, waving and spinning. My vital organs were wretched, destroyed, causing me to spit out the clod of blood for a few times.

I had lost the six of my soul fragments. I had died six times. This was my last chance.

Breathing was getting harder, heavier, as if the air tried to trample my lungs whenever I inhaled. I couldn't die yet. I may not die yet.

Zeit was getting weaker, there was a visible crack on his magic circle. He couldn't endure the assaults from the God of War forever. I must hurry, there were only two doors left.

I saw a glimpse of happiness from the first door between the two. It seemed that the door was not only showing me the different past, but also the different future.

My wobbly feet fell down to the cold and rough floor as I caught a scenery beyond the door. Ignis was there, standing in front of the priest, wearing a white wedding suit. He was smiling, blissfully. And I was there, standing next to him, wearing a gorgeous wedding dress in pure white. I was smiling, delightfully.

It was the fate that I cast away. The fate I threw aside.

The urge to go back to that destiny was too strong. But I knew, even when I chose that future, he would still forget me. No one would remember that wedding. Nothing would be changed but my existence.

"Eira! Do not stop!" Zeit's scream was snatching me away from my daze, realizing me that I ran out time.

I panted, clutching my dress on the chest. I bent my back forward, placing my hand on my wobbly knee, trying to control my own breath. I could feel the blood in my veins still striving to burst out from my flesh. My chests were burning inside. It was agony, the pain that gnawing all over my body. The blood slipped from my lips. Perhaps, my organs started to wreck inside again.

_I'll restore your sight…_

I wiped the trace of blood on my chin and gave off a smirk. I struggled to stand straight, regaining my poise to carry on the rite.

I clenched my fists, pushing all the greatest endeavor in me to raise my feet and dragged them to the last door.

I saw him.

I saw his emerald eyes… gazing at the pair of blue ones on the throne.

_Finally..._

I threw myself inside and let my body fall.

There was a glimpse of an unfamiliar scene. As the time began to move, going deeper and deeper to the past. 

I could feel a sharp pain on my chest and a clot of blood spilled from my throat once again. My vision was blurred far worse than before, however the stream of time decided to give a slight stop. 

I saw unconscious Ignis being held by Noctis, in front of the crystal as the raven-haired prince begged and screamed.

"Please… lend me your strength! Help me protect my friend!" 

And the time flowing again so fast, and my surroundings were spinning once more. Until it stopped, this time for sure.

The magic circle beneath my feet slowly disappeared, as I dropped my body to the marble ground. I cowered, one hand supporting my body on the floor, while the other one pressed against my stomach.

_It is hurt…_

_Painful..._

"What?! Intruder?!"

"Noct, stay back!"

"Ignis!"

I wanted to raise my head, to look at the presence in front of me, but the heave in my chest shrouded me in agony. 

There were footsteps, getting closer, drawing nearer. I knew this footsteps, the familiar rhythm, the familiar pressure he made when tapping the floor with his feet.

I could only see my own quivering hand on the cold floor, as it was trying hard to support my frail and dying body. 

"Who are you?!" His voice was calm, a bit harsh, alarmed by a strange figure that made a sudden appearance inside the throne room.

_Who am I…_

_Right…_

_You don't know me..._

I only had a few minutes until I died. I should raise my legs. I must not let this last chance slip from my hand. The chance to catch those emeralds on my eyes.

"Ugh…" my whole body was in torment. But I needed to leave, I needed to look at him. To make sure that I didn't fail this time.

"Ignis…! She's badly injured!"

"I know! But we don't know whether she's harmful or not… We… We should be cautious… she appeared … ugh… from nowhere…!"

"Ignis?!"

"It's fine… Just a little headache…"

I slowly raised myself, even though my feet were shivering in pain. I gazed at the men in front of me, the King who was sitting on the throne…

And the man with emerald eyes...

"Ignis…" I cried. The welled up beads of sadness and relief made their way to stream down my cheeks.

I cried uncontrollably, letting the tears escape my eyelids. As I dragged my feet to approach the bewildered dirty blonde in front of me.

As I reached out my trembling hands to him.

He was standing still, stayed alert, ready to draw his dagger but he didn't. He hesitated, perhaps?

"Ignis…" I called his name as I drew closer to him.

He froze, didn't say anything. Even after my fingers reached his left cheek, stroking the vague scars around his eyes, smearing his fair complexion with my blood.

Those emerald eyes were gazing at me, at last.

The shimmering emeralds, the dazzling emeralds.

_Like what I promised, I restore your sight…_

The line of blood was slipping from my lips.

_Ah…_ it was started.

I closed my eyes and buried my face on his chest. I didn't want him to see my unsightly face as I slowly embraced my death. Even though I still wanted to take a look at those green tourmalines. Even though I still wanted to admire those green eyes of him. The lustrous beads of green that I yearned this past ten years.

"W-Who are you... ?"

_You don't know me…_

_You'll never remember me anymore…._

My right eye was engulfed in burning pain, but I have no strength to scream in pain. The warm liquid streaming down from it. It must be the blood, just like what I saw from her that night.

He placed his hands on my upper arms, trying to lift my body away from him. I still wanted to hug him, but I already lost all of my strength. I was ready to crash the cold ground as my frail legs couldn't support my body anymore, yet I could feel his firm arms holding me, preventing me from hitting the floor.

"Noct! I'll take her to medic afterall!"

He gave me the warmth I thought would never enveloped my body anymore, through the arms that circled me, as he carried me. 

Another thick liquid slipped from my left eye. It pained me. It hurt me. It hurt me… It was killing me…

I wanted to cover my face, hiding the hideous face that was covered in blood that streamed down from both of my eyes. I didn't want him to see my appalling face…

But I couldn't move my hands anymore.

I was tired, exhausted...

My body was swaying as he dashed. I could only feel the pain, but I wondered why was I enveloped in peacefulness and repose at the same time? Was it because I could spend the rest of my life with him?

He was still running in haste, leaving the quick tread produced by his footsteps in the air, which was getting vague, slowly faded as I almost couldn't hear anything.

"Ignis… I love you…" my voice was an unclear whisper, but if I may, I wanted to spend every last bit of my soul to utter those words, conveying my unwavering feeling to him. 

"W-what? I don't understand…" 

I couldn't feel his warmth anymore. Everything was getting colder. It was cold. The air was cold...

"I love you…" but I wanted to tell him once more. Again and again, until I crippled in my death. Even if I couldn't hear my voice anymore.

"I'll bring you to the medic soon! Stay with me! Do not close your eyes!"

But I was sleepy… I wanted to slumber… to sink into the deep slumber...

"I really…"

Still, I wanted to tell him once again…

Again…

Again…

Once more...

"Stay awake!"

_I really…_

"...love…"

_...you_

* * *

I could see Ignis's eyes were widening, surprised by the news he had just heard. He couldn't keep his calm composure and his cheeks turned red. He couldn't seem to stop moving his hands, fidgeting, while he tried to avert his gaze from mine over and over again.

“Ignis, have you introduced yourself to Eira?” his father looked at his son then frowned when Ignis shook his head. “Come on! Introduce yourself!

I chuckled seeing the interaction between the father and the son. I walked forward to approach the young Scientia, smiled at him while stretching my right hand to the prince’s royal advisor.

“Hi, I’m Eira. Eira Heallint.”

That was the one event that I would never forget in my entire life.

“Ignis Scientia. Pleased to meet you.”

_You will not remember it, will you?_

"I'm grateful for the invitation, but I'm afraid I'll cause you any burden."

"N-no. Of course no. I mean…" digging my teeth to my lower lips, I averted my gaze from the man for a slight second while trying to find any suitable words to be said. "Dad would be happy to see you come and… learning cooking together is more fun than doing it alone, don't you think so?"

"Is it really okay?" 

"Of course! We can start anytime you want."

"I'll be happy to accept the offer, then." Ignis smiled then closed the book he was reading and picked a few other books from the bookshelf, which I suspected he checked before I came. "After I buy these, if it's okay with you?"

“Of course, I’ll be waiting.” 

_But I am glad…_

_I am glad to be able to live in this time._

"How's it?" Ignis placed his arms on the table, leaning his head forward and staring at me in a demanding gaze as if looking forward to either compliment or judgement from me.

_The emerald I could never forget._

"Are you sure you want Ebony this late at night?" I asked, perhaps by starting a conversation, I could calm myself.

"It's too enticing. How could I refuse?"

He blinked, seeing that both of his hands now full with the towel and _Ebony._

"Oh wait… Would you please hold it a moment for me?" he stretched one arm to give the Ebony back to me 

He then put out his glasses with his free hand, and then I understood why he returned back the Ebony to me. He wiped his face with another hand that was holding the towel, and I was there, standing still in front of him, and watched him the entire minute. 

"Why are you still here anyway? Isn't it over midnight?" He glanced at me with his glass-less eyes. In that brief moment, I could see his green eyes clearly. It was beautiful, so beautiful I wished that I could keep seeing it for eternity.

_The emerald I wish never stained._

I startled when his hand gripped my arm abruptly after I finished casting the spell, causing me to open my eyes in rapid blink. He didn't say a thing, his lips tightly-shut, yet those emerald eyes permeated my soul.

"Yes?" I tried my best to ask casually, hiding the fact that I was really frantic right now.

He parted his lips, as if he wanted to convey a thing, but he released my arm from his clutch and averted his gaze instead. Leaving me in puzzlement from the act he did a few seconds ago.

_Every second I spent with you was the entire reason I live._

I closed my eyes, letting the man do the thing he wished to do. The kiss was slow and soft at first, but shifted into the one of passion the next second. We hovered as the world fell away, searching for each other's presence. We were waiting for long, and at the time we came to realization, we let ourselves engulfed in desire.

"I don't mind if the arrangement is carried out."

_But even the memories will not leave the trace._

Those green shimmering eyes gazing at me, softly, yet piercing. Those emerald eyes asked me to be reassured, that its owner would be back, and I would be able to see those eyes again, staring at me again, like this time.

“I’ll be back without fail...” his voice was silvery as he tried to convince me. His hand caressed my raven hair, and slowly moved to my left cheek. Then once again he turned up the corners of his lips, giving his usual captivating smile at me.

"M͉̠̞̠̝i̖͈l̠͕̭̜a̺̫̮̞̫͚d̮̥͉͇̤̠y͕̤̩̱̜̟͔.̖̟̣̲" ̫̖̘̬͍̠

_If the time would stop._

_If you never leave._

_If I could gaze at those green eyes for eternity._

_But that doesn’t matter anymore._

_Since I only wish for your happiness._

_10:27 Lady E̠̗̦̺i͚͇͔̤͕ͅr͙̺̤̬ͅa, you still sleeping?_

_13:41 A lady is not supposed to sleep until this late, is she?_

_Only the words from you were enough to make me happy._

_But I will not be here anymore._

_But you will not be here for me anymore._

Ignis placed his gaze on me as soon as the door opened. His bang that usually swept up now almost covered his eyes, fell down gently on his forehead.

"͈̭E̫̹̣i̦̖͕̯͙͈r̦a̮̞…͔͉̣̞̜̪" his voice was so low, almost like a whisper, so miserable, as if being enveloped by the overwhelming sorrow. He closed the door behind, locked it then pulled me into his embrace in swift movement.

_I always love the way you called my name._

_And the way you pulled me in your embrace._

Ignis held my hand and we stood up straight, with a tiny smile on our face as the blue-eyed man pressing the shutter button, capturing our moment in this brief period of time.

_I wished we would never leave from this moment._

_Where the laugh and smile always painted on our face._

“Eir̲̝̬̳a̖̱̞̞̳…̻̭̱̺”̣̱̹̱̬

"I couldn't save... that woman. I couldn't save Jared. How if I couldn't save anyone else? How if something bad happened to you and I just let you die on me?!"

̥"̹͚̱̟E̖̺̬̹i͉̩r̬̼̞̤a̦͎̖̳̺̭…̤̪̱̘̩ ̙̻͎ḻ̯̤̟̝o̲̹̮̦̗̤o̯k͓̰ ̪̘̞a͓̻t͕̦̦̯͇̼͕ m͎̠͖̦͔͎̥ḙ…̠̥̞̫ͅ"̬̱̤͍

̥̙͖̭̙͎"No."

͙͓̹“̮̭̮̹Ei̥r̺̥a͔͈̺…͙”̥ Ignis lifted his body to sit, with me who was still hiding my face on his chest. He then cupped my face, lifting it so he could see my face.

_But you will no longer do that anymore._

_You’ll never call my name anymore._

_  
_

"̤̱W̝̙h̹a͓͎̰͎t̯̼͚͍̪ ̖̰̺ͅI̲̬͖͎̥ ̦̮̳̮w̦̣͇ͅan̯͎͖̗ͅṱ͍̘̬̖̥ ͈̫̼i̠s ͙͔̖̦͍̖y̱͔͍o̲̼ṳ̦͙̭ t̤̰̙̤͙o͖̬̰͚̞̥ ̫͉͇͕b͍̲e͍͎̱͕̙͈ ̣̲͉a̲͉̬l̥͖̜̻͖̹͉i̦͓̳v̼̖̯̱̯͎̯e̦̱̮̜ ̱̼̜̹͚̠ͅa̜̠nd̘͉ ̰s̝̥̯̭̲ṱa̦̪͇̤̥͉y̜ w͍̜̬i͇ͅt͉̤͇̖̻̣ͅh̞̗ m͚̲̹e͕…̬̮͈̼̘̞ͅ ̜̙̘͔͍̳Y͕͈̯̘͖̻͙o̘̘̖̳͎u̳ ̣̰͇̜̟̫̟d̝͔͖̜̲̺͕o̖̣n'̰t̳ ne̱e̗͎̹̮͎̣d͓̫̪̝ ̯͖̘̹t̼o͔ s̙͓̜̥̱̟ac̹͔̳̟̻̤̩r͚̲i̺͙̳fi̫̲̥̦c͔̜̝̖͖̪̥e̹̠̟̤̠̥̼ ̜̠̹̺̱yo̼̗̫͖͙ͅu̺r͖͙̪̻̣ ͕͎̹̥̳̫b͉̬̳l̦̪͎͓o̭̻o̺͚d̼̞ ̯̣̺̮o̹̳̭ṟ̺̙̦ your life."̦̪

_I'm sorry to betray you._

_I'm sorry to never fulfill your wishes._

"Oi Iggy, where's dinner?" Noctis who was sitting on a dining chair eagerly asked for a meal. Just like a spoiled child who asked his mother to be fed.

"Whoever is fine! Just cook already! I'm hungry." Noctis started to tap the wooden table impatiently, annoyed by the chaos inside the room.

They started to argue about the cook, filling the room with their noisy turmoil.

_I wished this lively disorder would never leave us. But the Gods didn't allow us._

_I wished your emeralds would always stay there. But the Gods snatched it from us._

"How's the sun?" I inhaled deeply as I raised my head and stared straight at the window in my room.

"The sun?"

"Do you see the sun?" my tears didn't want to stop, as it streamed down again, soaking my hand that covered my mouth whenever I finished my sentences.

_Even though I could save you from the death._

_I brought you into the lightless journey._

_That's why I decided to spend the rest of my life to find a way,_

_to let you see the sun brought by your precious brother._

"I'll restore your sight."

"̹E͉͉i͇̟͎r͎a̰̫͕̖̺̙.͚̫.̻̤͍.̼̗̺̮ ̳ I̦ț͍̞̩͔ͅ'͚͔̩s͎̭̠͈͎ o͈͍̙̖̺͓k͙͍̩ͅa̫̝̹y̝̯͉̠̠̙̯.̭̼ ͉̙͖͖̯̤Y̭o̭̻u̼͖̬ ͇̹͍̻̣d͎͉̲͖ͅo̠̯̩̩n̲͚̘̰'t̯̤͙̼͉̜ ̗̝nee͕̮̜̹͖̹̝ḓ̣ ̦͚͙͓͍̟t͎o̻̬̞̬͇̯ͅ.̙͚̱͕"̤̖

"I'll restore your sight. I promise."

_If your solemn vow was to protect the prince, my oath was to protect you. Even though it kills me. I'll restore your sight. I'll bring back the sun to your world. Even though you will not call my name anymore._

_However, I hesitated._

_I was afraid to lose you._

_And I decided to wait._

"L̿ͩ̃̃ḁ͎͋͂d͙̼͓̭̟̥̏̄͐̄̒ͯy̒͛̽̉̾̅̇ ̫̯̺̋ͧ̂̀̂̽E̦̝͔̣͒ḯ̲̻͍͖̑́ͭ̈ͦr͉͐a̻̟̳̳̬ͥ̈.̣̺͕͇͙ͩ̊́ͤͣ̎ͯ ͙͖͚͕ͭͬ̉W̯̝͖̤͕ͭo̖̮͛ũͯͥ̃̐̊̂l͓̹̺͓͎̿͒d̙̬͕̥͔̝̲̔̅̔ͮͭ̆ ͍̫̩̫̝̗͐̓̔̃͌y̖̗̩̜̙̘ͨ̃͛̍ͥ͋o̯͎̹̰̰u͓̞ͬͨ̓̚ ͕͎͉͈͚̥͉s̝̺̜̬͙̱̆̋͒ͩ͒͗p̫̗̮̼̭e̖͒̄ͩn͓̘ͪ͛͐d̼̻͓̪̼̖̏̀ͤͫ̒͋ͅ ͛ͪ̈́tͩh̳͑e̖͙̩͖̻̯̞ͣͮ̊͌͛ͩ ̹̼̜͓̣̼̝̚r̖̺͕̞͓̭̝ͧͣe̎͋͌s̗ͧ̌̍̃͑ṫ̩̅̓ ̘̱̲̙̒͛͒o̞̥̤͆́̇̂̊̍͑ͅͅf̭͈͇͒ͤ ̮̣̹̻ͭ̿ͧ̾̎ÿ̜̱̲͎̻ͧo͔̬̗͆̃ͪ̉u̟̫̯ͮͧ͂ͤr̤̉̃͆ͅ ͚͊͒ͨĺ̫͈̥̪̥̬ͣ͋̔ỉ̺̫̹ͫ͆͛ͬ͂ͤf̖̜e̬ͯͬͧ͆ ͇̥̪̰̺̹̊ͫ̄ͫͥ͛ͅw̬̮̼͚̺̻̩ͯ̓̑̾ͩ͌ï̙͉͕̤̲͗̿͒̍̎ͅt̆̾̌̀ͨh̙͖̝̺̩ ̳͛̓ͬ͆̍m͎͓̩̝͙̾ͫ̅̀̍e̘̬͓̦̲͙ͧ̊ͮ?̱̭ͭ̊"̦̯̟͈̓ͣͥͦͯͧ

_Until you said those words to me._

_And I drowned inside the fleeting blissfulness._

_Before I bring back the sun to your life._

"̰̫̻̫ͫ͊͑̍͛̓I͔͇̼̒̈ͨ̓͌͛ͫ ̞̗̰̜͎̩ͪ̏ͩ͋ͯ̈́l̹͓̩̫̿ͥȯ͚̙̖̝͇̠̬̍̄ͤv̤̤̙̯̼̉̍̍̽e̗̠̝͑̃ ͇̘̖̲͍̜ͪy̝̮̱͙̗̯̋͗̏̊͋ͪo͈̯̣͚̪̤͚̊̑ͫ̉̃̆u͓̭̯̥̥̤͓͉͚̿ͣ͑̑̈́͋̑,̳̣͓̪̦̇ͦ̓̅̎̔ ̪̦̞̜̖͇̰͂̇͊͌E̺̲͚ͨ̍ͫ́̔͗ͥ́i̦̬͚͈̲̦̟͛̏ͪͨr͔͉̙͒̏ã͍ͭͥ̎̿̚.̫̣̃ͮ̆̽̔"̥̣̞̈ͯ̈́͒̅͊

* * *

The End:

[C]hoosing Hope

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to C ending…
> 
> I personally think, this is the best ending where Eira died just like that after restoring Ignis's sight. Originally, I planned to stop all of the stories until this kind of ending but somehow I didn't feel satisfied and then Reminiscence turned into a bigger project than what I thought. 
> 
> However, if you want to see the other probabilities, or if you think that you want another ending, or if you want to read more about this (cruel) universe I created in my mind, please continue to the next part of Lies and Memories. :)
> 
> D - Ending will be uploaded around Jun 28th 2020. :) It would be the 2nd part of this fic.
> 
> Beautiful Art by : Alice on https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100029102708253

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Hope you enjoy this fanfiction. Will be very happy if you would give some comments and critics.


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